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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Damn Book 

Damn GOOD book.

I finished running around, class, groceries, eating and stuff around 11pm. I decided to read before bed for an hour, get a good night's sleep and tackle homework today.

EVIL BOOK!

I read... it was good... I read (Memoirs of a Geisha)... and read some more. M-SB was surprised to see me up at 1am as the last few days I have crashed dead asleep by then. I read on. He went to sleep. I read on. My eyes started to hurt from my scratched glasses. I read on. 2am. I read on. I developed a headache from NEEDING sleep. I read on... till the end of that chapter. 2:30am or was it 3am? I put the book down regretfully, wanting to read on, annoyed that my body was being mean to me. I slept.

Of course, now I am awake and SUPER tired and headachy. I still want to go back to that book. BUT, I HAVE to read up on Tibet stuff for my presentation. I *MUST* impress the teacher, especially if I want to be his TA someday.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

DONE Methods articles 

Ok... I am FINISHED the stupid methodology articles and their 2-pg response essays. Thank you Autumn for the use of your livingroom. Thank you Liam for the occasional distraction and baby cuteness!

And now I have a borrowed copy of Memoirs of a Geisha!! YAY! No offense to those who offered to loan it to me, but I was at Autumn's and IT was at Autumn's. I just could not leave without it.

I am now printing the last 2-pg thing and eating the last of the spegghetti squash. I will be late for my 6pm class. But since I am late for class even when I arrive downtown at 5pm... it won't really matter. This way, I avoid driving in circles looking for parking till 6pm. Instead, I will arrive at 6pm and hope there is Parking as studnets finishing class at 6pm leave.

I am doing the happy dance! I get to focus on my Tibet too now. I have my presentation already planned in my head:

- storytelling of the origin of Red Tara in Tibet
- storytelling of how the Red Tara teachings got passed down to the master whose works I am using
- sharing tea
- historical details of the lineage of the practice
- explaination of the actual practice (for the non-empowered)
- notation of the variation for the empowered and initiated
- connection to the folk magic traditions

This I may repeat for CMS when we get to East Asian Deities in Level 1.

Final crunching 

IKES! Today is my last Methods class. THANKS GODS!!! But I have yet to do the reading and essay for the class.

M-SB wanted to rent War of the Worlds this evening... but I have to work on my Tibet stuff for my presentation. I so need another week and just don't have it. Thursday is the last class for my Tibet course. I need to write up an evaluation for it too.

Time for breakfast, pack food and course work, call Autumn, visit Robyn...

Monday, November 28, 2005

*grrr* 

Well...

scretched up glasses = eye-strain = headache = cranky mood

I need new glasses. I need money to get new glasses. *sigh*

*annoyed with self* 

I have been home all evening, well since 7pm. There was some frustration at work. I will deal with it on Wednesday. It meant we were forced to leave late. I got dinner an hour later than I wanted as I was STARVING!!!!!! I had nibbles in the day but nothing one could consider a meal. I feel like I am in constant GRAZE mode. And I did not get any homework done.

I have been all scattered and cranky. I tried to read some. ARGH! More anylitic theory of post-colonial hindu culture. I want to SCREAM! Book got tossed on the bed and ignored in preference to other more interesting things.

What was more interesting?

1) my 2.5 year old nephew came on MSN and I sent him a kids song called Circle Round. He is loving it right now!

2) Ceri pointed me to Zafu's on ebay.ca and I am not watching the auction of 3. I may bid on one... unless someone yells at me NOT to. These are the ones I am watching:
- Zafu & Mat #1
- 4-peice Zafu meditation set
- Zafu set (choice of black/burgundy/blue...i could like either burgundy or blue)

3) ANYTHING is more interesting than those damned articles

I am going to go get more food. Then curl in bed with Goblet of Fire and forget that I am a student with homework due.

Tomorrow I go to Autumn's and read the articles and write the 2-pg essay. Then off to class. I will stop by the vet and drop off some spegghetti squash to Roo and then bring some to Autumn, too. When I get back from class... Tibet is the focus till the presentation is ready... or the time to present is at hand, whichever comes first.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Hip and Back 

Because folks are asking me...

My hip is improved from last weekend's striking pain. The back is worstened as the stress of school continues, along with some other stresses in life.

The chill and damp weather are NOT helping.

I did turn on the heating pad on the bed which is very helpful and thus I am reading while laying on it. Like I said, I will have a party when all this school stuff is over. One paper is due on the 9th and the next I am aiming to have done by the 16th of December. Then I will have a Hurley's party and run off for the weekend to relax before the major crunch of holiday shopping hits Melange Magique.

Tantra 

Well... this is WAY more fun that the stupid methodology articles. And *NO* I am not talking about the sexual practes of Tantra. I am reading up on Tibetan Buddhism and Tantra. These are fascinating! I wish I had delved into these readings sooner. It is just unfortunate that the Methods course has been causing me so much stress and taking up so much of my time.

I finished the overdue essay for the Methods course. All that is left is to read two very long dry articles and write the last shorts response essay for next Tuesday. Then there is the big paper for that course, but its due date has been pushed past all the Tibet due dates.

Right now I am reading some background info for the Red Tara practices. I am hoping my visa registers its payment soon so that I can get a couple more texts, which are available for sale as PDF's.

Red Tara: Kurukulla.

Tantra of the subjugator of demons.

Fun fun fun! She makes me think of the Morrigan in that she is compassionate in her own way and strives to help you see with enlightened vision, the Eyes of Spirit. Yet, she is a terrible foe and teaches us how to slay the demons within and around us. Even calling on her to slay them when we are no longer capable. She is part of the 21 Taras of Tibet, the Tara deity, the Swift Saviouress.

Ok... back to reading...weehee.

Memoirs of a Geisha 

I watched the movie trailer again today.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/memoirsofageisha/trailer/

I need to read the book.

Snakes 

A jeweled snake in the grass is NOT a friendly grass snake. Beware of their seductive poisons.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

*sigh* 

Yup, still feeling all outa wack. The classes went ok. I did not do any homework. Instead I moved stuff around the shelves. We did banking and rented a movie. Well, not a movie but the next volume of Samurai 7. It was AWESOME!

I was also craving popcorn. I hate popcorn. But I craved it anyways. Made popcorn. Ate popcorn. I still do not like it. Don't know why I craved it. When I start to crave green peas or liver... then I really have a problem.

Now I am all tired and want to go to bed. But it is only 8pm.

The gods have my iced cider offering.

The collection for the old cell has my first financial offering. Visa has my other. My treat to myself this month was a movie and dinner. That will be it for a bit. I need to pay off more bills and deal with Yule expenses.

*sigh* and do more homework.

Schedule? 

What schedule? My body seems to be running counter to my chosen schedule. I am waking 2 or 3 times in the night and just before the alarm. I am tired. This is stupid. My body is off schedule in all sorts of ways. I guess it is stress. *sigh* Party after last assignment... seriously!

Well... today's Sacred space class was short. I was hoping it would be longer, but the local labrynth was covered in snow.

My mind is also so geared up for other things NOT school related. I don't want to do homework!!! But I will try to get the reading of the H. Bhabha article read before the afternoon class arrives.

I did get a shelf moved today. And during the week we will move another shelf and rearrange the books in the temple space and hallway. Watch this... I can almost hear the gods laughing now. We have been pissed off about how the janitor is no longer taking as good care of our apartment building as he used to. The bathroom is a constant argument. We want a new place, but did not want another apartment for a rediculous fee. An opportunity may present itself soon. And why are the gods laughing? Because by the time I get this apartment to the way I like it, it will be moving time, I bet. Anyways, it would be grately appreciated if people could do some magic to actually help move this into manifestation. We want this new place that is opening up. It is not a house, but a step closer to one.

Speaking of gods... I had asked a few things of the gods for a few people. These things came to fruition and I was wondering what offering the gods wanted. Last night I saw a small vision of some of my iced cider in a shell on the altar for 3 days. Crap. It is such a tiny bottle I have been hording for a while. But I remember the last time someone denied the Morrigan the alcohol she requested. *shiver* Guess what I will be doing this evening. Sharing my iced cider with the gods.

This afternoon is another fieldtrip with CMS-L3 this time with the B class. They will be learning about ley lines and nodes. I will take them out to see the Tree and the underpass/overpass and do energy work. There is annoying snow... but at least it is not completely freezing out.

Well, off to read!

step closer 

Today... um... yesterday... I managed to finish the E. Said articles and that part of the overdue essay. Had dinner and a meeting and returned to prep the classes. They will have fieldtrips, BOTH! YAY! I hope it is nicer out than it has been.

Tomorrow... um... tonight... I will finish the H. Bhabha article and that part of the overdue essay and email it in and be DONE and up to date!

Sunday will be a Tibet day, I think. I want an outline for my presentation and get some of the background research done.

I am SOOOO having a party when I am done this semester!!!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Alcoholic Drinks 

Now, I am not much for drinking. Most of you know I don't drink, when I do it is RARE and with very very particular drinks that I nurse for 3-8 hrs.

A friend asked me to look up a recipe for a strange drink and then I was inspired. Not to drink, you silly people... inspired to look up a recipe we should all be familiar with. But do not know the ingredients to.

Harry Potter Fans... I give you the recipe for BUTTERBEER!

1oz shot of Butterschotch Shnapps
8oz of Cream Soda

Curtesy of: http://www.drinksmixer.com

Ahhhh... husband's breakfast 

I love when M-SB cooks for me. I can cook, rather well too when I am not distracted with homework. I bought some groceries last night (blowing the budget) and he made breakfast this morning. SEE! I do eat breakfast now and then. REALLY! When I have time.

Today I go to Rafael's (a co-student) to work on homework together. Then home to supper and off to a meeting.

Then I need to prep for the Saturday classes.

I hope to be finished all my Methodology work by Monday morning. That would be awesome. Then I can focus on Tibet. I have a major presentation due Thursday. It must contain serious SUBSTANCE.

Collection People 

Some of them are down right.... I don't have a word for them... but it makes you want to buy a gun and shoot them in the head when their back is turned as they do not deserve the honour of facing you when they get shot.

And then there are the rare few who genuinely try to help you. I had one for an old cell account. She advised me that she could give me one month. Unfortunately, there were mishaps with student payments for Wednesday and I was not able to make my payment yesterday. So the woman informed me that there would be nothing she could do but if I am making the payment soon (yes, Saturday night providing no student fee mishaps) she will mail me a form to send to Equifax with the confirmation of my payment so the credit bureau can update my file. I made a point to tell her she was amazing. I think it shocked her. I guess it would shock any collection agent to be informed they are friendly and wonderful to deal with.

And then there are the completely stupid ones who keep calling you even though you have paid them.

I had all 3 this week. The first, I refuse to speak to. When I get some money I will make a payment direct to the people I owe. The second... well, as I explained, it will have to wait till the weekend. And the last got yelled at this morning. That felt gratifying.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

*growlie* 

I did not sleep much last night. I was up every hour or two. Hot, cold, thirsty... thirsty... thirsty! Damn was I tired today. The day went smooth. Worked then met one of the Spellcrafting Specialty students. She completed her apprenticeship. Excellent! It seemed to have gone real well. I will meet with her mentors just after Dec. 7th. I was then off to do photocopies and return movies and books to the library. UGH! I was late with the movies and had to pay $20 in fees. Grrr. My fault. I should have renewed them Friday, but I was rushing to get out to Ottawa that I completely forgot. Class followed with one presentation. It was a decent presentation. I was not worried about doing mine till now. I so need to get rid of the Methods stuff so I can focus on the Tibet stuff.

Tomorrow I go over to a co-student's place so we can work on homework together. I intend to plow through the Methods stuff if I can. Then I have a meeting in the evening.

Oh... and in case you have not noticed or you read this blog from a warm climate... It is seriously winter now! About 2 inches of snow is on the ground and -8 Celcius weather with chilly winds. Much ice. Glad I have snow tires on, even if they are old and on their last use. Come spirng I will need new tires and a car tuning.

In other growlie news... money. GRRR! I over-extended a bit this week. I bought groceries. Now I am short $50 for my University monthly payment and short $75 for my visa. Not to mentions I have other bills pending. Most of which will get dealt with over the next week... just it is annoying now because I wanted it dealt with before December. AND a stupid collection place thinks I owe them money on an account I paid. Tomorrow I will call the both companies and give them BOTH hell !!!

So I am tired AND growlie.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

today's agenda 

I remembered that I work late today. Good thing since I felt like crap this morning. Today I work 1-6pm and then teach with Hobbes 6-9pm. There will be guest speakers. The students start with a redo of their Sabbats exam for the first hour, or quiet research/discussion. Then they have 2 guests on healing methods. I will be doing homework. I want to finish the Said & Bhabha essay that was due last week. If I can, I will finish it and email it by morning. Then I will work on my Tibet reading.

I hope to catch the shuttle bus to work and home today. IKES! It is -7 out there! I will bundle to take the shuttle. I am leaving the car at home as I cannot afford to pay parking today. And I am out of quick lunch stuff. Grrr... I will think of something. It is too cold to hike to the bank to deposit the paycheck I will get today. Time to root through the kitchen for lunch now and then find something to bring to work for supper.

cold fight pain 

Last night was a great evening. I had inhaled soup... a bit too fast... and we went to Angrignon to see Harry Potter. It was good! Yes, sub-plots were dropped, yes some changes were made and yes 700+ pages were seriously condenced into a 3hr movie... but it was still good. We got home around 1:30am.

Everything was frozen. It is officially winter. We went about the house closing the outer windows in most rooms and lowering them in the Kitchen and Bedroom. Time to kinda seal up and hold in heat. Yet, we do not like things getting stuffy, thus the slightly accessible open to fresh air windows.

I am fighting a cold I think. I woke a bit stuffy with my face itchy from dry heat. I am religiously taking my echinacia. FIGHT! I will fight this cold. I cannot afford to be ill. It takes time out of necessary things to do.

However, I woke not because I was a bit sniffly, but because I had terrible abdominal pains. No, I do not know why. They are gone now. I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE ILL IN ANY WAY! I can't afford it. I will fight it with everything I gots.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Great Day! 

Other than the slow rising, it was an awesome day. I managed some eggos for breakfast and packed my stuff to go to Autumn's to do homework. I managed a bit of CMS administrative things too.

The visit with Autumn was grand! I managed to finish one of those stupid weekly assignments and the readings with a plan of stuff to talk about in class. I also got some Liam time. WEEHEE! Play, dance, gurgle, giggle... Thank you Autumn for a good day. And mmmMMmmmm that chunky soup I brought... DAMN... must buy more!

Class went well too I guess. I got a chance to talk this time. All other times I had stuff to say, others or the teacher would say it. This time I got to voice things.

Now I am home. Must find food and go see Harry Potter! YAY!

ugh... 

tired.
sore... all over.

Today's plan:
- breakfast at some point
- pack for homework & class
- do homework @ Arin's (methods class tonight's readings & paper... last week's if time)
- eat
- stop at home
- shuttle to class
- class (Mthodology)
- home by shuttle
- supper
- Harry Potter movie

Monday, November 21, 2005

Dangerous... and RELIEVED! 

M-SB has declared me dangerous and unfit to be in the kitchen while working on homework and stuff. I have turned pasta to mush, boiled water in the kettle to nothing but air, and the latest... used vegetable oil to grease the cookie sheet and thus glued and burnt the cookies to it.

Good thing he cooks. I CAN cook and bake rather well, just not when I am distracted with a gazillion other things.

And I got an email back from my Methodology teacher. She has granted me extra time on the papre to do a good job. She asks that I keep up with the weekly assignemnts and forget the paper till the class is done.

Hard Choices 

Someone who reads my personal blog told me that surviving an MA is a rite of passage. It sometimes means making some hard choices.

Today I did that. I emailed my teachers to inform them that I am not able to complete the final papers remotely on time with my current work load. And for the Methodology class, I have chosen to drop the weekly response papers. I will still skim the articles, attend class, and contribute to the discussion... but the stress of trying to write something... I cannot handle it and it is taking up too much of my time. If I keep this up, I will never complete the final papers. I haven't even started reading for them and they are due in 2-3 weeks.

So, Choice: take the grade penalty of not handing in the last 3 scripts (2-pg response papers) and manage hopefully a better grade on the final papers to make up for it.

It was a hard choice. Part of me REALLY feels like a failure and that I am letting my teachers down. Letting myself down. I have to admit that I cannot handle it. *OUCH*

Stole Airea's Stolen Meme 

A is for Age – 33
B is for Booze – After Eights, Iced Wine, Iced Cider
C is for Career – Teacher/Priestess
D is for Dad’s name – Tom (both biological and adopted fathers are named Tom)
E is for Essential items to bring to a party – Smiles & Hugs!!
F is for Favorite song at the moment – "Slide" by the GooGoo Dolls
G is for Goof off thing to do – Read online comics like www.twolumps.net
H is for Hometown – NDG
I is for Instrument you play – Bodhran (Irish Drum)
J is for Jam or Jelly you like – Plum Jam (homemade)
K is for Kids – None yet... but one day, hopefully before I am 35... tho I might be pushing 40 *pout*
L is for Living arrangement – 5 1/2 apartment with the husband (M-SB), 3 cats (Salem, Bagheera, Cloak), 3 snakes (Dias et Nox and Timid), a gecko (Spot... my niece's), a betta (Serenity) and two other fish.
M is for Mom’s name – Tina
N is for Name of best friend – Mark (M-SB... yes, my husband is my best friend)
O is for Overnight Stay in a Hospital – a few for various frustrating reasons
P is for Phobias – deep water, heights, and crowded small enclosed spaces
Q is for Quote you like – "Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determination."
R is for Relationship that lasted longest – the bad one for 7-years... working on changing that
S is for Siblings – older brother (Chris) and eldest sister (Sheryl)
T is for Texas, ever been? – yup... on my way to New Orleans (stopped in Dallas airport for 20min then met friends in Housten airport and drove out to New Orleans)
U is for Unique trait – DEVOTION to the tasks I choose to take on
V if for Vegetable you love – cauliflower
W is for Worst traits – overextending myself and forgetting to take care of ME
X- is for X-rays you’ve had – several... even a few accidental ones at the vet clinic (and some just for the fun of it!)
Y is for Yummy food you make – I make several yummy foods (scallopped potatoes, honeyed carrots, pies, chocolate chip cookies to die for, and the famous stirfry rice)
Z is for Zodiac sign – Leo on a Cancer cusp with Capricorn rising (barely... Aquarious is a close rising)

*~~YAWN~~* 

Gods... I am SOOOOOooooooo tired. Wierd dreams. Want more sleep. Don't want to bus to work. But I have no money for parking.

want.... bed.....

tired..........

Stressed 

My hip hurts... STILL!

Sometime this weekend, i ate something I am allergic to. Something had sage in it and I do not know what. My face has broken out in a reaction.

And I just can't do ALL this homework AND work. Something has to give and I can't be left penniless from that give. I emailed my teachers. I either need a release from the weekly assignements or an extension for the final papers.

This was a good weekend for a mental break. But I was exhausted. I had a burnt-out sleep. And thus have lost the entire weekend for homework.

It is past midnight and I am working on homework. I have to be up extra early to bus to work tomorrow as I don't have $$ for parking.

Can I shoot myself in the head? Please?

I think I am going to go meditate and then sleep. Grab a bit of snuggling with the hubby to try to maintain some sanity.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Almost forgot... Saturday Morning!! 

Rick and I wen to Chez Cora for breakfast. Yumm...

But we were done and ready to head Downtown too early. We had a bit more than an hour to kill before noon when Shelley Rabinovitch was supposed to arrive. So he suggested going up the mountain. He sensed there was something to see there. As we chatted in the car, he mentioned my granfather's poem. He read it off my blog. Damn good thing I did not blab about the weekend plans to steal him to Montreal! I didn't know he actually took the time to read my blog. He is not the online sorta guy. But in mentioneing that and us driving up Mount Royal, I was reminded that I have not been to my grandfather's grave for some time. So I asked if he minded if we did. It was a good little excursion. We trapsed all over a section of the graveyard looking for the grave. Finally we found it. It has a nice headstone now.

On our way back to the car, we saw a fox. A RED fox! It dashed onto the road. Stopped. Looked at us a moment. Dashed onto the grass on the other side. Stopped and looked at us again. Then dashed into the woods! "There," said Rick. "See? We needed to come up the mountain. You needed to see your grandfather and the fox needed to see us." FOX! I saw a wild fox! In Montreal!

Babies 

The Baby Shower for my friend was great. Not all froo-froo, which is good cuz she HATES froo-froo. Another friend had her 4.5 month old there too. She was born 3 days before Liam, Autumn's baby. I got to hold her for a bit too. *Smile* It is interesting to note that Liam, though the same age roughly, is smaller and weighs less and is less "developed" than Liam. And, he is a Premie too. It is just interesting.

I want a baby. One day. At the moment, the timing would be bad with M-SB out of work. And he wants a house first. *wonder if that will remotely be feesable*

Finally! I can talk! 

I have a very hard time holding GIFT secrets. Damn. But I did it this weekend! And NOW I can talk. For about 6 weeks, my friend Marie (Danica) has been planning (with the rest of her and Ottawa Rick's class) to have a party for him Friday night and then have me surpirse him and steal him away to Montreal for the weekend. Rick almost scheduled activities for himself for the weekend, figuring he had a free weekend as Marie was coming to Montreal to go to the Gem Show. I had to send him a qick and VERY brief (to avoid spoiling plans) cry for esacape to Ottawa on Saturday night to ensure he reserved his weekend for me. PHEW! It worked. That was Wednesday.

Wednesday night after M-SB and I worked our asses off organizing the upstairs space for the Shelley lecture, Hobbes told up about this new evil funny comic called Two Lumps. I was busy Thursday and not home till late. So, Friday, I checked it out. ARGH!!! So much for homework Friday. I was so busy reading the comic strips and dying of laughter that I was almost late heading out to surprise Rick! Evil... evil Hobbes. I am so addicted.

Friday went well. I had a driving mishap on the way there. Missed the exit for the H-17 and ended up on the H-417. Got to Alexandria and asked how to get back to the H-17. The girls gave me directions. Take the H-34 at this light, turn left on it and it will take you to H-17. Excellent! When I followed that and reached H-401 (after 30min driving) I realized she sent me in the opposite direction. I turned around and drove the hour up to the H-17. Grr... but all was well after. Arrived in good time.. to food! I tried to sneak upstairs to get my coat off before Rick noticed.

ME: *sneaking upstairs*
RICK: Scarlet!!
ME *DOH!*
RICK: What are you doing here? I thought you were coming Saturday.
ME: Um... I came early. Do you mind?
RICK: Gods no, come get a hug!
ME: *phew... snicker snicker*
EVERYONE ELSE: *snicker whisper snicker*
RICK: *Hmmm... what is going on? Oh crap... BBQ. Gotta go*

The evening was fantastic. I ate great food, watched some a Spiderman 2 while holding a tiny 3-month old baby and reading homework next to a 10-yr old girl upstairs. I later came down when the baby (one of the other guest's child) needed feeding. I then joined in on a lively talk of magic and energy work. Their class does very different stuff from mine. I would love to send some of my students over to learn their Kenning techniques. Rick was no longer suspecting anything, as I had brought my overnight bag upstairs and figured I was here for the weekend. *heehee snicker*

When everyone decided it was time to go (around midnight) and started getting their stuff and coats on, Marie and I snuck upstairs to get my overnight bag and Rick's. HEEHEE. As her hugged everone good bye and looked confused and me in my coat, One of the others handed him his jacket and Marie handed him his secretly packed overnight bag. WOOHOO! SURPRISED SUCCESSFULLY! YAY! You can ask him how it all went over from his perspective.

We drove back. It was COLD! And arrived at my place at 1:30am. I showed him around the apartment and fed my cats. He could not stay here, so we headed out to the hotel room I booked for us. It was cold too. I put up the heat which was taking its swett time to warm the room. I got a great massage from Rick which I unded with shivvering from the bloody cold. *pout*

My hip decided to flare up and hurt from the fall I had early in the week. Made sleeping uncomfortable. The cold and damp was so not helping. Got out to SNOW! Nice pretty snow. Which explains the hip pain.

I worried if Shelley was going to make it in as she was a bit late. Love Montreal traffic with the first snowfall. She made it in. The day was VERY quiet. Rick got to meet folks from the MPRC and chatted with them while I played hostess to Shelley. And then he helped me clean and set up the upstairs for the lecture. Dinner was a disappointment. We went to Le Wok. I usually like Le Wok and decided to try their Dim Sum. BLEH! There was shrip or crap or other fishy stuff in theing that claimed no fish. PTOOEY! That made my meal very poor. At least my Hunan dumplings were good. Marie and some of the Ottawa folks came from the Gem Show to join us for dinner. We returned to have the lecture. I notice there was a poor turnout. DAMN. Only 4 people. So We moved things back downstairs. I kept the store open till 7pm while the lecture commenced. Rick was to then spend the next night with Marie and the gang. I hugged them all goodnight at 7pm. I was BUSHED!

I saw to Shelly at the end of her lecture. Maybe we will try this again with more/better planning. I came home with my energy dropping fast. I snuggled with M-SB for a bit till me emergency reserves kicked in and my body was no longer cold. The Store was cold today. I spent more than 24hrs by then shivvering. Once I was at a normal body temperature, We chatted. I was inspired to make us a massage oil. I only had a smidgeon in a bottle of unscented stuff. I added a dab of camphor fregrance oil and some drops of bergamot essential oil. AWESOME! We tested it out. Very nice. Not too strongly scented and worked great. YAY! I got another back rub! ANd bundled in much warmer blankets. Then my energy reserved become very NIL!

I slept solid like the dead till 7:30am. then snoozed to 9:30am. I was considering getting up as I was beginning to ache again. But I was too tired... bone tired. I slept till 1pm. I am supposed to be AT a baby shower NOW! I warned them I would be late. I am all tired and out of sorts. Could be PMS (I don't get cranky... I get tired... then I cramp... bad) I hope I do not cramp this time. *crosses fingers and prays hard*

My good friend, Jen, (ex-roomate and ex-vet-coworker) is having a baby. She is due mid-December and they think it will be a girl. Time for me to dress and wrap the gift. ANd to get my butt out there. Ugh... Chateaugay. *sigh*

When I get home... homework. I want that essay due last week done TONIGHT!

I want to go see Harry Potter tomorrow night!

Tuesday I will be at Autumn's. I want to get the next essay due that night done ON TIME!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Snagged from Roo 

July,
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and
to be understood.Quiet unless excited or
tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about
people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly.
Approachable. Emotional temperamental and
unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and
sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never
forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary
things. Guides others physically and mentally.
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
Caring and loving. Treats others equally.
Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp.
Judges people through observations.
Hardworking. No difficulties in studying


What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla

Bandwagon 

*thining I might regret this...*

Describe me in ONE word.

1.When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
My hair... and the dark circles I am noticing under my eyes from poor sleep and too much homework.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$7.53 is what is in my wallet at the moment. There are little bunches of change in various change containers in the house, but I have no idea how much is in any of them.

3. What is the first thing that comes to mind when i say "orange"?
Samhian... autumn leaves and pumpkins

4. Favorite planet?
This one... most of the time

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
My Grandmother... oops...

6. What are five elements of your life right now?
School, Homework, Work, CMS, Coven... and of course M-SB

7. What do you take with you everywhere?
My pendant never leaves me, not even when I shower.

8. What was the last thing you remember thinking before you fell asleep last night?
M-SB is a furnace! and... DAMMIT Cloak, STOP being BAD! The waterbottle is now full of water and I can shoot around corners.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
I am not wearing shoes right now. I never wear shoes int he house or at any possible moment that I do not absolutely HAVE to wear them.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Depends on the type of lighting. I like dark rooms with some soft lighting or candlelight, but I also love bright sunny rooms with natural sunlight shining through the windows (unless that sunlight is blasting me in the eyes while I am at the computer trying to type homework).

11. Current sound you hear?
I hear the hum of my CPU, the highpitched wine that only I seem to be able to hear coming from the internet switch box, and Claok's bell telling me he is being bad under the bed.

12. Would you rather grocery shop naked or chase after pigeons while screaming at them?
Chase pigeons. I am not comfortable with my own nudity... not in a public setting (and often not even in private settings).

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Chatting with M-SB while snuggling in bed after watching the movie The Skeleton Key.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Please attend to your bill.

16. What's a saying that you say a lot? more?
Oi! and Shiny! and Ya. and... um... I am doing homework.

17. Your plans this weekend?
Um... since someone might read this, m plans are secret. Shelly Rabinovitch event coordination and Gem Show and Baby Shower are on the list with the secret stuff. Oh... and feed the reptiles. Crap... that has to be first theing tomorrow.

22. What do you want for your birthday?
My MasterCard bill paid, time, and hugs.

23. Your worst enemy?
I have two: parking tickets and MasterCard.

24. What is your current desktop picture?
Simon from Serenity movie. Get the wallpaper from the Canadian Browncoats Website.

25. Where would you rather be right now?
On a Firefly called Serenity. Or perhaps a little cottage in a wooded plot of land that I own.

26. Your favorite physical attribute on the opposite appearance?
hands

27. The last song you listened to?
Firefly theme song

28. Who gives great hugs?
Montreal Rick and M-SB give me the best hungs... but truly, I love all hugs from the folk I am close to.

29. Why are you filling out this survey?
Because Airea got me hooked on them and she advised me to open up and share more with others. "It will be good for you Scarlet, TRY it."

30. Latest exciting news in your life?
I am almost caught up on homework!

31. One word?
Serenity

Shelly Rabinovitch 

Shelley Rabinovitch has been doing research on the world of Wicca and Neo-Paganism in Canada and the English-speaking world for over 15 years. She has co-authored "An Ye Harm None: Magical Morality and Modern Ethics" with Meredith MacDonald, and is the senior editor of "The Encyclopedia of Modern Witchcraft and Neo-Paganism" (with Jim Lewis), the first and only encyclopedia on Neo-Paganism to date to fully discuss trends around the world. She also has numerous academic publishing credits regarding Neo-Paganism, including a shared chapter with Dr. Sian Reid in the Oxford Guide to New Religions.

Dr. Rabinovitch also teaches the wildly popular first-year religious studiescourse at the University of Ottawa, "Magic, Witchcraft, and OccultPhenomenon" (and you CAN take this for an elective credit if you areregistered at Concordia or McGill!).She will be at Le Melange Magique Saturday, November 19th, to sign her books, discuss her research, and give an evening discussion on Craft ethics. After all, how DOES someone come up with ethics and a moral "Code" when one's religion doesn't feature a Book to tell you what to believe and where/when? Pagans are often accused by Christians of having NO morals or ethics at all. Shelley will show clearly that, not only does the Craft have strong ethics, they are pretty universally held and shared ethics - ethics which may look different from non-Craft religions, but which are clearly ours.There is an as of yet unconfirmed possibility that Shelley's co-author for "An Ye Harm None", Meredith MacDonald, may also be in for the book-signings and evening seminar.
Saturday November 12th 2005

12:00-4:00 pm - Book Signing
6:00-9:00 pm - Lecture on Ethics & The Craft
Sign up as soon as possible since space is very limited. This will be held at Le Melange Magique at 1928 St-Cathering West, Montreal (514) 938-1458.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

<------- Check the quote 

I found it while reading Levi-Strauss!

Wow. A diamond in a quarry of granite gravel! (ya... I did not think very highly of the rest of his writing) What an awesome quote.

Feeling Foolish 

Well... THAT was why i had not set my alarm last night! I woke in the middle of the night in a panic because my alarm was not set. So I set it for the usual so I could get to work for 10am. I got up and got to work. My co-worker looked at me and laughed. I tilted my head quizically. *me confused*

Gordon: (laughing) "You forgot, didn't you?"
Me: (confused) "Forgot what?"
Gordon: (chuckle) "You don't start till 1:00pm."
Me: *DOH!*

So I dropped off some stuff to lighten my load and walked to Concordia to grab the shuttle bus since I already parked my car in a parking lot for the day and refuse to pay a second time for that. I had a bit of a wait, so I started reading some of my Red Tara Commentary book. I read it all the way home on the shuttle bus. Now I am home. Well, I got the laundry into the washer *AT LAST!* and washed a load of dishes. I have about 1 hour before I go catch the shuttle back to work. In 10 min. I will go put the laundry into the dryer. It would have been better to not have left to work for 10am and have the whole morning for schoolwork. At least I get some housework done.

I will tackle a bit of the Methods homework. Upload the Levi-Strauss stuff to the class blog. Do some research on Orientalism and Postcolonialism, Said and Bhabha. With luck, I will have the Methods paper that was due last night done by Friday.

Wow...I feel a bit foolish today! *sigh* But... I am in good spirits. That is a change from the stress of the past months.

For all those people who have done some small things to ease my stress and aloow me time to get work done... thank you. Time is the best gift anyone could give me these day. Bless you all for such a gift that grants me a bit of sanity.

From Ash's LJ 

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus

71%

William Wallace

71%

Batman, the Dark Knight

67%

Captain Jack Sparrow

63%

The Amazing Spider-Man

63%

Lara Croft

58%

El Zorro

58%

James Bond, Agent 007

58%

Neo, the "One"

50%

The Terminator

46%

Indiana Jones

46%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

novel idea 

i will go to bed now... early... and get something akin to real sleep.

The aching of the hip and back have fluctuated between unbarable to tolerable up and down all day. I think some good downtime will be helpful... especially if I am going to be moving a bunch of furniture around tomorrow.

So, ya. Sleep. My gift to myself this evening.

Great Day! 

I woke on my own time. That was nice. The laundry machines were in use so couldn't do morning laundry. Oh well. Had a sandwich and read some Firefly Fanfiction. Fun stuff! AT noon, I packed up to go to Autumn's.

ARG! Snow, slush... and no snow brush in the car. Hunnted in the basement locker for the snow brush... then headed to Autumn's.

It was great! I different environment. A cute, if fussy baby Liam. And... great company I could chat with about what I am reading as Autumn is somewhat familiar. I got to hold Liam a bit. I think he is teething. Chew chew chew... that is what he was doing all the while he was fussing. There was music there I never heard, different things for "eye-candy" and good conversation. Enough distraction to keep me from going crazy and yet not so distracting to interfere with what I had to do... homework. I managed to finish Levi-Strauss. But ran out of time to do the next set that was due this night. Oh well. I will try to get it done for Friday.

I stopped by the library and made some photocopies and booked the video room for Thursday's Tibet movie viewing. Then I borrowed 3 video tapes on Tibetan Buddhism. I will try to watch them Thursday night. On my way home, I dropped off my movies, renewing the Tibetan one. I also picked up Skeleton Key.

It turned out to be too scary for me to watch alone in the house. I can handle all kinds of scary. Just not scary houses when I am alone in my own. I am such a wuss. So I am now rereading my Serenity novel to change my headspace so I don't have a nightmare from the little I did see of the movie. I will wait and watch it with M-SB.

Tomorrow will be a busy day.
-work
-place a book order
-return books and exams to level 1 students
-rearrange upstairs for a lecture Saturday
-watch scary movie

Oops 

Crap.

The movies I thought I had for a whole week... I realluy only was supposed to have them for 2 days. Oops. I got a call. *groan* Now I am embarrassed.

Dandruff from the clouds 

Ya... it is snowing outside. A customer at the store mentioned it to me yesterday that it would snow. I was already feeling it in my joints. I slept badly last night, even with drugs. I woke with a headache and still aching joints (knee, hip, back mostly). And there is white stuff falling from the sky... and staying ont he ground.

I am tired, but at least I am not as grumpy as I was last night. The headache will go away as my head gets accustomed to the new air pressure. And Today I get to spend time with another human. YAY!

I still hate Levi-Strauss. But as I have not looked at his stuff yet this morning, crankiness has not set in. So, I corrected the students exams. Not too bad. I will go back to L-S after I eat something. Ya... breakfast. Laundry is not getting done. I hurt too much to go up and down the damnable stairs. STupid fall. I am bruised deep and it hurts to even sit still. Food, drugs, then homework.

accomplishment? 

Today I plain pretended I did not have homework. This worked mighty well for my temperment at work today. I got in tired and, blessedly, Alison went out to get me a can of boost. I have been craving them something fierce lately. Work went very smoothly! We had a good day. I had a good day. I just wish I had more preparation than the brief review I did for the evening's review for the Teaching Specialty.

That Review class went real well too. Explored observations, techniques, and discussed articles a bit. Even bounced workshop ideas. We will do more in December.

It was back to homework after everyone went home. And that did not go so well. As it turns out, these new school course-packs are remarkably studry to being thrown across the room with force! No, I am not getting the damnable Levi-Strauss. I read through 1/4 of the set. I bitched much in my reading response paper. Tomorrow I have the other 3/4 AND that night's new set of articles and response paper. UGH!

Hobbes stopped by for a short bit about the CMS level 1 exams. We looked at them a bit and then he left and I had tried more reading. Threw the book AGAIN and gave up for the night.

My mood is definately sour again. Did I accomplish anything? I am not sure. I hurt so very much. I ache in all the places where I fell last night. This aching is interfering with my patience with the reading. Ya... I fell... last night. I was on the phone with M-SB when Cloak (his cat) was being bad. I hurried out to discourage him and wiped out spectaculary and painfully in the hallway. I slipped as though I were on ice. I have many bruises. I wrenched hip, knee, back... landed on the bad hip, slammed into the wall, dropped the phone. I was stunned for a few minutes, part shocked that I slipped on a wood floor while barefoot, part pissed off that I fell, part humiliated. I seemed fine, if a bit bruised. Then later today at work the aching started to settle in. Now... it really HURTS! I hope it will be gone tomorrow. My hip and back are currently hurting and burning at the same time. I will sleep now.

Tomorrow:
-breakfast
-laundry
-read Levi-Strauss
-pack to go to Autumn's and library and class
-return/renew video's
-go to Autumn's and hopefully accomplish homework miracles with a sane human in the room
-library to photocopy books, return books, reserve movie viewing room for Thursday
-banking
-eat
-class
-correct student exams
-more homework

Monday, November 14, 2005

BLEH! 

I went to bed for a nap at 8:30pm last night as I was exhausted and not functioning well. I set the alarm for 10:30pm I was planning on getting up to try the homework thing again. It didn't happen. I was more tired. M-SB called and we chatted for an hour on the phone. I then remembered something t! had said about things he regretted doing. And then decided to just set the alarm for the morning and sleep through the night. That was a better decision.

The alarm went off at 7am. Needless to say, I did not manage to get up for homework then either. I give up. 3 weeks to get caught up AND do the major papers. SHOOT ME NOW!

I will be going to work soon. I will take stuff for the class discussion I have tonight for the Teachers' Specialty. Homework MIGHT happen after the class.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Bad day 

I triple booked myself.

Meant I was late for work, hated being there because it took out of homework time.
Meant I had to cancel a coven meeting that was very very difficult to schedule and now needs to be rescheduled.
Meant I was at work with no food or money for food.
Meant I did not get to properly say goodbye to M-SB as he will be gone for the whole week house sitting for a friend.
Meant I got home to LOTS of homework, still no food, nothing to drink, everything bloddy frozen, no company whatsoever and feeling overtired and wholly grumpy.

I tried reading homework. The book met the wall in incomprehension and frustration with MUCH force. I hate Levi-Strauss as much as I hate Weber. It is nonsense, all fucking NONESENSE!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

I borrowed $$$ from rent and bought pizza. When I feel like going to the bank I will replace it.
Pizza allows me to have some for lunches all week. Pink lemonade is now thawing. I ate pizza... and nibbled some carob chips I had in a bag for comfort.

I think I will go cry.
Then make tea.
And then try to read more of this shitty homework.

The Night 

After class, M-SB and I went out to St-Lazare (sp?) for a Firefly Shindig. There were 18 people there. It was an AWESOME evening (even with the lingering headache that was annoying me). We talked, ate great food, talked more, and watched the top three voted favorite episodes. All round fun.

It was a good night. Home... to bed... good night.

Till about 5am....

My body woke me. I was shaking and having trouble breathing and my heart was beating funny. I tried walking around the house. I tried lying in different positions, I tried lying on the futon. I was... nervous but focusing on staying calm till it passed. I prayed it would pass. I can hear some of you now saying, "Why the hell didn't she wake M-SB? Why didn't she call 911? Why is she NOT at a doctor now?!" I didn't wake M-SB because I know he would have no idea what to do but look at me with worry. That would only scare the crap out of me and make this a whole lot worse. 911 would have been a waste because I was not dying. I have gone through this several times throughout the summer. It passes after a few hours. I am not at a doc's now because they would only say that they see nothing wrong with me now. That it was likely an anxiety attack. That I just need to breathe and relax through it and it will pass. Then insist that I drop several of my priorities. OR they will think I am being a nutty hypocondriac seeking attention. So... hell with them!! It was over by 9:30am. I sat in the living-room / classroom / temple and just meditated and then read my Serenity comic books as a distraction.

I am now tired and grumbly.

I have homework to do today and a meeting to go to.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Firefly Interesting food recipes 

BAO

Char Siu Bao or you can use the About.com recipe too

Feel Good 

It was such a load off my stressors plate having people in the house and helping me out. Thank you so very very much.

Today Ash came and gave an awesome class on wands & staffs. It was hard for me not to go sit in the class the whole time and listen. I had homework. I did do some. I am almost hating Levi-Strauss as much as Weber. So I took a break and sat in the class for a bit anyways. *grin*

And Ash told me I looked real good! Bolsters my struggling ego. Thanks. Every woman needs to here someone (ideally a guy if she is hetero... even more ideally her significant other) say WOW! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! YOU LOOK GREAT! So you guys who DO say these things... major karmic brownie points to you. To you guys who really don't say it often enough... WTF! Isn't your woman beautiful? If you love her she is!!! So say it and make her feel good! Ash is one of those guy friends who knows just the right time to say YOU LOOK GREAT SCARLET. That moment is when my ego is faltering... and sometimes I don't even know my ego was faltering till someone like him says something nice like that and how amazing I feel after. It lifts me for the whole day or so. Just a few little words like that give me a ton of energy and make me smile from the depths of me. So, thank you Ash.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Thinking Through the Day 

Woke and was barely dressed when Whaledancer showed up. She was over early to help sort the school library and all while I did homework. I was just about done my reading and paper on Geertz and Bordieu. Nathalie came over too and we ate Korean at Cafe Yi next door. They did an awesome job so far. I know the library space will take time. It may be a small room, but it is alot of books. And I want MORE!

I was thinking afetr they left about the questions Ceri started me on... I missed something I really want. I want a horse... or a few. And people to help care for them... and people to ride with as M-SB does not ride. I so miss horseback riding. I used to ride alot as a kid. Then a couple years ago went for some lessons, but did not learn what I wanted or the way I needed to. So I stopped. They looked at me funny when I said I wanted to learn about the horse and its care before riding. They are used to people just wanted to be ON a horse and not bothering with all the other stuff. After 6 lessons, I still could not name my saddle parts or cleaning tools. ANd i was made to post 2 whole rounds around the paddock which wrecked my knees for 3 weeks. Posting is standing in the stirrups, done for a few strides in English riding to get yourself back into rhythm. I dream of having a small stable with a couple hired hands for it and having a few rescued horses and some for riding.

Horses and Cats... my favorite animals... and wolves too!

On my dream peice of land, I want to have horses, cats, and Irish Wolfhounds.

Ok... I have done nothing on Levi-Strauss. I need that done before the end of the weekend.
Tomorrow Ash comes to teach about wands & staffs, then I teach about rites of passage.
THEN! off to a Firefly Shindig!

Rememberence Day 

http://www.mtl-magicalcircle.ca/memorial/grampa.htm

In memory of my Grandfather.
11 minutes at 11:00am... reading his poem.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Done dallying 

This evening I gave up on all work related stuff and enjoyed some sharing instead.

However, the weather is changing and now I have a migraine. Time for bed.

Gift ideas 

Ok...bottom line folks... for gift... i like best of all things that people make... things they put love and energy into creating. Those things carry the most meaning for me.

Oh... and hugs... those I welcome anytime!

Thanks Ceri for the Quiz! 

> 1. What is your career path (actual or planned)?
> (And as opposed to what job you actually hold now.)


I aim to teach either Wicca, Zen or Taoism at the university level, thus I am currently in my Masters level of study... practically killing myself with the overabundance of reading heaped on us. I dream of studying in China or Japan to lend to my background for eventual teaching.

> 2. List 3 hobbies you have outside of work. If you
> need particular supplies for these hobbies, please
> list some of them (they make great gift ideas!)


Hobbies... Hmmm...
1- reading
2- roleplaying/writing ... again Star Wars
3- (abandoned long ago for a variety of reasons but really missed) Painting, oil mostly, but I had just begun to like acrylic when I abandoned it. I have a bunch of canvases but no paint nor good brushes, and the eisel was crippled in a move (not that I have a place to paint anyways or the time...)

> 3. When you read, what kind of books do you read?
> What authors do you like? Are there any particular
> authors you'd like to try but haven't yet?


Star Wars!!!!
um... Mercedes Lackey
T. Pierce (Circle of Magic series)
anything academic on esoteric religions, eastern religions (not Hinduism)
I would like to get into more of Zimmer-Bradly's Darkover novels. I have a few and liked them but never got more for some readon.

> 4. When you listen to music, what kind of music do
> you listen to? Are there any artists/types of music
> you'd like to listen to but haven't yet?


I like instrumentals, especially soundtracks to movies and videogames. I love Eastern music. I also love music with Native Drumming.

As for artists:
Tori Amos
Sarah McLaughlan- i have some of her albums
(anything similar to them)
Backstreet Boys newest album
Usher
Kelly Clarkson
Kem
Greenday
Enigma
Tea Party
Nickelback
Medieval Babes
(there are a few others... but I can't recall the artists' names now... grrrr)

> 5. Do you have a magical/religious specialization?
> If so, what is it? Are there any books/tools/supplies
> relating to this specialization that you'd like to
> get?


Zen Taoism
Japanese Spiritual Practices
Wicca
Potions Making

tools:
I want a Buddhist meditation cushion... it is a round thing.
Japanese Incense (more Joy and more Diamond)
Herbs and jars
I refuse to list books as there are TONS on these subjects on my amazon.ca wish list

> 6. You're given an unlimited budget to buy yourself
> three things you really want. What do you buy?

1- a piece of land with a good mix of environments in Ontario that can become my personal retreat place
2- registration into a Taoist school or a Japanese university
3- a building to host my school and all the dream additions I want for it (cafe, resource centre, library, services, ritual space, classrooms, etc.)

*ARGH! that was HARD!!!*

-----

my addition:
*** What do you collect? ***

I collect cat figurines, chalices, Cougar and Wolf anything... oh... and blades!
I used to collect pewter dragons and witches... but the selections are getting really bleh in the current market as I am REAL fussy on quality and detail.
I collect poetry too, all kinds... I used to write as well... but that went with the painting.

I collect books on cultures and religions... duh...

hehe... I also collect academic degrees. Currently in my collection are:
DEC Pure & Applied science
BA Classics major / Anthropology minor
Certificate Journalism
Certificate Technical Documentation
Certificate Graphic Design
DEC (incomplete) Veterinarian Technician
BA Honours Religion
working on MA History & Philosophy of Religion (Wicca and Eastern Belielfs & Practices)

Back 

I am home for the moment. I went out early to try to pay a ticket of some and had the guy take more time that I had avaiable to explain something to me. I will have to go back and thank him later. I was late for work... by like 2 min.

Work was cold... again. But it went ok. I think I got my book orders in alright. I will confirm them Monday. News for the gem show was posted for staff. AND Shelly posters were posted. Tonight I will email everyone about her coming. I will also make an official post here about it, too.

I rushed out to the Verdun court to "make a payment arrangement" for my tickets. I did not know I could do that. I paid some of the oustanding things (there went my vacation pay AND my week's pay). I can now make $50/m payments or larger if I choose. I am so broke now. Definately not getting glasses or anything else now. *sigh*

I also never got reading time for tonight's class, nor time to plan the presentation OR project update. I want to cry. I will go to class, though late. I need to eat first. I did some reading, just not nearly enough.

*Grumble* 

I have to go pay ticket(s) today. Yesterday I got a nasty letter demanding I do so. So much for the vacation pay. It was going to go to an outstanding bill. *grumble* Now for sure I will NOT be getting my glasses next week. *frustrated sigh*

And M-SB moved my computer clock ahead TOO FAR! 30min is TOO FAR! I wake to the bedside clock which is 15min ahead. I asked him to set this one ahead a little as I thought it was a bit behind. He said it was 20min behind and set it 20min ahead of the other ones. AK! So I woke at 9am and sat to check email to see the clock said 9:20am and nearly freaked out.

Doesn't help that I had a nightmare that was completely stupid in retrospect.

So Today I work till 3pm. I had intended to read Red Tara stuff till 6pm then do my oral presentation on my readings. But I have to go deal with these tickets. So I will leave work and pay for the tickets and then go stand in line at the SAAQ to pass them the letters to reinstate my license. I know they will say it is still suspended though because I know I cannot pay ALL the outstanding tickets. I will likely miss class. I will definately miss reading time. I will bring my reading and maybe do some while at the SAAQ.

I was hoping to pay off a bill and pay my monthly school fee and then get my glasses. That has gone to hell now. And I am now tired and cranky. Just when I think I am about to step ahead. BLAM! I get kicked down again. GIVE ME AN F***ING BREAK!

Quiz Fun #3 

HASH(0x8c880c0)
True Love

Lucky you! You guys have a very mature and
down-to-earth view of love. You've been through
a lot together, so you realize that it isn't
all a bed of roses. You are very comfortable
around each other and confide in each other
about almost everything. You can't imagine life
without one another and are committed to seeing
this through. Go you!


What Kind of Love are You in? (Beautiful Romantic Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz Fun #2 

theriomancer
The Theriomancer


What type of magic do you wield? (8 results + pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz Fun #1 

HASH(0x8d7a828)
Samurai -- Congratulations, you are the Samurai,
the honorable warriors of feudal Japan. Samurai
were the aristocratic military leaders of their
time. They were known as being extremely
honorable and able. They were regarded as the
most elite warriors in their country. To be a
Samurai is to be noble, proud, and respected.


What type of warrior are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Home and reviewing the day 

It was nice to not have a task on my plate today. The other guy is much better at it and much quicker. Good. I can focus on other things that have been slipping. The day went smoothly... but FREEZING!!! There is STILL no heat! This WILL get rectified tomorrow... or I will strangle someone or multiple someones! All employees AND customers shivered and complained abo8ut how cold it was in the store.

My poor students shivvered through their test and feast and film. We finished early and sent them home. I did not get much homework read as I was shivering, even though I sat right in front of a space heater trying to read Bourdieu.

I came home sure I lost a book. ME... lose someone's book! END OF THE WORLD!!! As it turned out, I had returned his book to the library it came from some time ago. THANKS GODS! Now that that stress is over....

I got a letter about my driver's license suspended. I now have to leave work tomorrow and go straight to the ticket place and pay what I can with what I have in my account. Grumble. I just don't make enough to keep on top! So much for that Vacation pay I got today!! *pout*

Lastly, some good news.
Check THIS!!! All you people looking for interesting academic stuff on Paganism...
http://www.equinoxpub.com/journals/main.asp?jref=51

Business Cards 

As of Next Thursday, CMS will have new pretty business cards. Just in time for the Shelly Rabinovitch event!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Oh forgot!!! *grin* 

I put in the order for the new CMS business cards. YAY!

Soothed Spirit 

I love Airea!

"CMS is such a welcome distraction to the boringness of my regular classes. Someone who acutally knows what they are teaching, and has answers to my questions. If only all my regular classes were so well put together."

I needed to hear something like that right now.

Tomorrow will be better 

Tomorrow at work:
-download email
-prep restock in book orders
-place book orders
-meet with a book rep and place a book order
-contact consignment people regarding orders
-update special order database
-tackle some things from the meeting that I promised to start tackling
-dance with joy that I get to pass on duties to someone with more energy, focus, time, and ability

During CMS-L1 class:
-hand out exams
-get hugs
-read methods homework while students write exam
-feast on Sabbat foods while watching film

Once home:
-deposit paycheck
-banking
-finish reading
-write methods essay and email it

Back from Class & Demoralized 

Left early figuring I would find parking and get to class early. HA! I drove up and down streets for 45 minutes and managed to park in a place I should have gotten a ticket in, but I smiled sweetly to the cop and he let it go this time. In 10 minutes I would have the right to park there, so he played blind for 10 minutes. I made it to class with 1 minute to spare.

Class went ok. Except I barely got a word in edgewise around the teacher, and the time I did, she refuted what I said about the guy whose article I read and whose theories I know inside out! I got back a bunck of the essays I had emailed to her. Mixed review, more poor than good.

We then had to do a course evaluation. I hated evaluating this course badly. She is one of my favorite teachers, but the course is aweful! The articles are poor examples of the methods we are supposed to be learning about and there is far too much reading to keep up with.

I came home feeling completely demoralized and miserable. I cried over my dinner. I am feeling a bit emotional still. How could I have interpreted Geertz's article wrong? I had read the same article in 4 other clourses and used his methods in papers with "A" grading. WTF! Have I gone from honours to stupid?!

After dinner and some ranting on Yahoo to a classmate, I looked over the short essays again. The responses are not THAT bad. Why am I being so emotional about it? Because I do not feel like I am devoting quality time to this course and thus feel like I am failing at it somehow.

Top it off, I miss the gym. I don't have any time for it. But I miss it. ANd I have gained weight. Crap.I was almost down to 120 lbs. Now I am back to 127 lbs. POO! This does not help my demoralized feelings. My goal was to get in shape. Losing weight was just the bonus. I am sadly not very in shape. All this sitting and reading and stressing. I eat and eat when I read and write papers. I need to invest in veggies and dip instead of bready and sugary stuff. I miss having ME time. *pout* AND... this stupid weather is making every damned joint HURT!

I am going to NOT read for the methodology class tonight. I am going to read for my Tibet class instead. It is interesting and fun. And I want to snuggle with M-SB.

More Failure Feelings 

I watched a Tibetan movie as a change of mental thought and then dove into Geertz for my Methodology class. I figured there was no hope of getting Levi-Strauss done before class and wanted something to show for the class. Thus I would be one essay behind... still... but now that I have finished Geertz and am supposed to do Bourdieu with the Geertz articles... ugh... I am out of fricken time. I will be 1.5 essays behind in this damnable class.

Please pray for a lenient teacher.

DONE!!! *crazy insane laughter* 

I am finished Weber! Thank GODS!!! I need a break. Something fun that will not be too time consuming. First to peek at the next set of reading....

.... .... ....

AK! 80 pages of verbose crap! I mean Levi-Strauss. That was last week's assignment. So now I am only 1-week behind. Let me see what is for tonight: Geertz & Bordeau....

.... .... ....

56 pages. And hey! One of the Geetz Articles is something I have already read! YAY! FUN FUN FUN. I will do that first then. And email the Levi-Strauss to her, my teacher, sometime tonight. I can do this. I wish the Levi-Strauss was just NOT on the list so I can focus on Tibet. I have a ton of reading for that too for Thursday. I still feel overwhelmed, but at least one VILE hurdle is GONE.

feel like a failure 

The last payment... the resignation payment... just went through my account. What did I resign from, early might I add?

The Gym.

I feel like a failure. I could not commit even 30min per week to working out.

rested... and now down to a crunch 

I gave up on Weber last night. I went to bed al like 11pm. And lo! I slept! Except for the moment that Cloak bit me. I swear, he will be knocked into the next life if this keeps up!!! I dallied this morning not wanting wo wake. But the sun forced me from bed. So did breakfast, which M-SB cooked.

I touched base with students and co-students and teachers. I went through the morning routine of emails and blogs.

Now, back to the crunch. Weber.... Just the last bit of typing on the last chunk of reading. Then email it off. I will post again when I am done that.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Strange Mondays 

Work... was... odd. I was, in theory, relieved of some duties to ease the stresses as I am just plain overwhelmed. YAY! I did not need to ask for this. It might mean I give up the status as main manager. That is ok. There are other pleaces I am much better at and at the moment, I do not have the time nor remotely the energy to devote to what I am doing at the store. The new guy is more than competent. We have an awesome team. It will work out just fine. Just knowing that this is in the works has relieved a TON of stress. Also, I get to hire someone else! YAY! More staff means less stress on everyone!

Ok... homework. Molassis on the planet Pluto. M-SB read the last chunk of Max Weber to me. He ranted. See his blog. Ask hime for details if you dare. It was brutal. I do not think I learned anything useful... and what Weber stated could have been sweepingly generalized in fewer words rather than the chaos of his overly verbose, poorly sourced and poorly exemplified sweeping generalizations. Neither of us can think clearly now. But at least the shit is read. Tomorrow morning I will type up my notes on it and email it off. I will then tackle Levi-Strauss and pray I am done in time to tackle Geertz & Bordeau before 5:15pm. Almost caught up... almost! Please oh gods PLEASE, let tomorrow be smooth and productive. I need NEED need to NOT fail this course.

To bed now. I can't even spell my name properly today.

bad night 

The school frustrations and sense of failure caught up to me and made for an emotional night. I felt like everything was going wrong from school to life. It was a down bad moment. I am worn out. I slept for a couple hrs and then woke around 3am for a bit. Slept again after til 4:30am. Slept on and off till 9am. M-SB rubbed my back soothingly when he was awake. It helped.

Today, I work. I leave school stuff at home and forget about it for the day. If I don't I will never be able to work. I was considering dropping hours at work, but I can't afford to. We need to $$ for bills.

Tonight, we eat shepard's pie for supper and work on Weber and Levi-Strauss.

I am tired.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

progress and *PAIN* 

The movie was AWESOME... a must own.

I am back at Max Weber and his sweeping generalizations. The wind is TERRIBLE outside, freaking out the cats. This crazy cold and damp then warm and windy then windy and damp and chilly... gods.... I am in MUCH pain. The knee is aching, despite the miracle glucosamine. The back. Well... I am taking a super advil right now. That pain is getting a bit blinding.

I wanted to be finished Weber & Levi-Strauss tonight. Not gonna happen. I will push through Weber. Levi-Strauss will have to be tomorrow.

Batcave Break 

Reached a point of incoherent pissed-offedness. Stepped out to rent a movie. Rented 2 movies. Batman Begins. I heard it was good. ANd Travellers & Magicians which is a Tibetan/Indian movie, will be good while I am trying to get into the mood for that work later after my Methods class.

Going to watch the Batman movie then finish Weber.

Wish I had an Hansen's Energy Drink 

Last night... sleep? I slept in 1.5hr incriments (sleep 11pm-12:30am, awake to 1am, sleep 1-2:30am, awake to 3am, sleep 3-4:30am, awake till 5am, sleep 5-6:30am, awake till 7am, sleep 7-9:30am... gave up). I got an email from my Methodology teacher wondering what was up with me as I am still behind and missing class. I forgot to email her is the rush of things this week. I am at severe risk of failing this class. I am struggling to get caught up by Tuesday and back on track. It is still a scary amount of work.

I have 4 weeks to:
-read the backlog of articles and write 2 short essays (for Tuesday)
-read the next set of articles and write the short essay for it(for Tuesday)
-read the Tibetan books on Red Tara (for Thursday)
-prepare a presentations on those readings (for Thursday)
-read the book for the methodology project
-write a 20-page paper on that book
-write a 30-page paper on Red Tara (for Dec. 1)
-prepare a formal presentation on Red Tara (for Dec. 1)

Four weeks... I need to seriously cut some things from my schedule. Thankfully, I have guest speakers in for this month for the Level 3 classes. Hobbes can handle the Level 1 classes while I read. I need to reduce my work load at the store for November, will discuss it on Monday.

If I can get other assistances... this is my wish list:
-people to sort the library so I can get things OUT of my workspace
-intelligent exchange of what I am reading before I have to say things about it to my class and teachers
-a month's worth of Hanson's Energy Drinks
-someone with incredible patience to help me sort this CHAOS of papers around my office
-new music to do homework by (like CD's of Tara mantras to help with the mood of the paper, or just some instrumental soundtracks ... copies are fine... I just really need to hear something DIFFERENT than what I have, hell I will even provide the blank CD's)

So far today, I managed some research on Max Weber and read one article and wrote that part of the short essay. I feel guilty asking M-SB to read to me, taking him away from stuff he enjoys doing to read my crappy articles to me. So, I have been struggling through Weber's on my own today. We had our coven meeting and I think we have a good start plan. I wanted to do more or get involved in the research right then, but I am just too tired and stressed about my pending homework. We finished up early so I can work at it more. Just had our frozen pizza (M-SB was craving) for dinner. Airea's shepard's pie will be later when I get hungry again. I love shepard's pie. It is one of the rare times I actually like potatos. Scalloped potatos are another. On the other occasions I like frenchfries... but not often. Oh, and I managed to fold 1/2 the laundry. I didn't get to sorting the closet for the winter things or storing away the summer things. There are still piles in the bedroom/office annoying me. And I have to iron some clothes. I will probably just fold then and hope gravity flattens them some to presentableness.

Tonight's goal is to finish this hateful Weber stuff and tackle the Levi-Strauss stuff. I want both essays emailed before work tomorrow.

Back to Weber. *KICKING & SCREAMING*

horoscope today 

Your psychic abilities are running on high now, so whatever your intuition tells you, don't bother resisting or trying to talk yourself out of listening to it. Do what it takes to make that voice in the back of your head stop yelling at you. If it involves someone you've been keeping company with, think hard about whether or not you trust them. You've obviously made a connection with the powers that be, and they're trying to tell you something, so pay attention.

Like I said last night... DUH!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Pleasant Surprises @ Samhain 

On my way to the CMS Samhain ritual, I decided to change my reading focus and pick up the Red Tara prayer commentary book as a break from Max Weber. While I waited for the ritual to start, I was pleasantly surprised to find this much easier and much more interesting a read! YAY! I still have to tackle Weber and Levi-Strauss tomorrow along with their essays, but at least I know that my Tibet reading will be fun and a treat to look forward to. The reading presentation does not feel so daunting now.

The ritual was amazing! I love seeing the Four Celtic Sacred Cities and Tools brought into a ritual. It was a fine Celtic Samhain. Great work Level 3A!! Nice teamwork too. They co-cast circle which was smooth and solid. And their recitings were well timed. Very impressive. We were asked to identify things we regret and things we have taken up or changed or are proud if from the past year. I mentally noted the relationship upheavals I had. And the re-establishment of relationships. AND the daring to do full time MA degree, though not having planned on being full-time manager.

At the end, all there surprised me (embarrassingly and pleasantly) with an incredible cougar card. That will go on my cougar wall! All signed it with thanks and well wishes. Then thay preseanted me with premade food and ready-to-bake munchies! Their way of easing the stress on me and M-SB while I struggle with time and homework. For the next little while, we won;t have to fret about cooking so we can focus on the homework. I might actually be able to get caught up. In the ritual, we were then asked to ponder the future. Gods... will I make it through? It feels like CMS is behind me rooting for me. It was so very heartening and encouraging. You all have no idea how much I appreciate it. It has given me courage to face the daunting homework and not give up. Thank you. Really... thank you so very much.

Blessed Samhain all.
Say hi to your ancestors, love those who passed on and thank them for being part of your life.
Celebrate your accomplishments of the past year, let go of the baggage, reconcile differences.
From now till Yule, be introspective, dream, plan... a new year is coming.

Slower than Molassis on Pluto 

uh... ya... that is my reading speed for Weber.
I did some backgroud research. I updated the Methodology blog. I just need to do that damned reading and essay.

Today I focused on cleaning fish tank & bowl and preparing classes to teach. I kept the 3A class short to give the girls a chance to get out and set up for the Samhain ritual tonight. I am bringing beverages: Passion wine and Sparkling Elder Flower juice. The 3B class is going well and fun. And they get a fun guest lecturer, Autumn!

Ok... now I need to pack for the ritual while Autumn teaches.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Screaming Fit 

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I hate my articles! HATE HATE HATE THEM!!!!!

---

Needless to say, I am not getting fer far with the Max Weber reading.

One done... 3 to go 

I finished and emailed off the art&archaeology essay.
Now to read the next set of articles... on Max Weber and write the next essay.

Mark is making pasta with his yummy sauce... last batch *pout*. He will have to make more. We will have to make a trip out to the grocery store and get supplies.

Tomorrow is a ritual, CMS Samhain. What shall we bring? I think I will bring beverages: a Renwick wine that was sweet and yummy and a bottle of sparkling elder flower juice. Ya. That is what we will bring.

Ok... back to reading. Ugh...

Tibetan Bazaar 

Ttinity church in Westmount near Vendome metro. They will be opn tomorrow during the day. There are a few interesting sellers of stuffs. I bought a singing bowl... YAY! I have wanted one forever!!! I also bought a pencil sketch print of one of the 6 yogas of Naropa: astral travel (i think it is called the Illusory Body Yoga). There were no prayer books. I had really hoped to replace mine. And there were practically no lamas nor monks, just a couple of nuns selling the pencil prints.

Ahh well... home now. Back to the essay.

No Glasses 

:(

I went to the eye doctor. My prescription has not changed. She said it has been stable now for more than 5 years if I wanted to consider laser surgery. Too expensive. Too newvous about eye surgy stuffs. The appointment cost me $50. EEK! I thought it would be $35. Fees went up since the last time I went. At least I will get some of that back from my insurance. But I can't figure out how much.

I then went to see about ne glasses as I am tired of these ones and they are 6 years old and getting loose. I found a very nice, small, set of frames for $130. Awesome! but my lenses will cost me $225. I have a discount coupon for $125 making my frames $5... but I still have to pay for the lenses. *sigh* My insurance will give me back $75. I am now waiting for my Mom to come home to see if she would be nice and cover it for me. My coupon is only good till November 19th.

Financially, I need to focus on bills and tickets. And I cannot count on M-SB to chip in to help as he is covering rent with his UI payments and does not yet have a job.

Instead of taking a vacation of 1-2 weeks, I am asking for the pay in a separate check. That will help cover bills. I want to pay off the tickets and the old cell phone and the damnable mastercard. Those are my prime concerns.

So... excuse my thinking out loud...

Student fees come in this month (L1-$100 and L3$300 so $400) and pay checks (4 x $160) and the vacation pay (~$150 to 300 I hope $300)... I hope Mom will cover my glasses. She gets in around 3pm. I am not holding my breath though for it. At least my car payment is covered this month. Poor car needs a check-up and new tires... not so so not going to happen though. Not in the budget. And I do get $500 Dec. 1st from student loans ($250 pays the car for the month though).

Ok... for now, no glasses... no car repairs or tires. Bills yes.

Now back to schoolwork. Going to write the 1st essay.

Slower than molassis in January 

That is how I read. I finished the art& archaeology articles for the methods class. I am now off to the bank and my grandmother's and eye appointment and ticket paying. When I come back, I will write the essay on those articles and start reading the Weber articles. AT 4pm I meet Tibetan students to go to the Tibetan Bazaar.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! 

I ran into mental FED-UPedness and had to make phone calls, walk around the house, get coffee... I have tried reading more but I just cannot focus. I am fed up of being in this room, in this position, seeing these walls, hearing these noises.

*SCREAMING*

I NEED to get out!!! Or need a different reading space that is comfy. We don't have any. *pout*

This is going so slow and frustrating!!!
*CRY!!*

Plugging away 

Work went smooth for the most part. I did not finish all I wanted to do. I wish I could go in another day and do it. But I need homework time.

Ran out to get to a follow-up appointment with a lawyer about a nut defaming folks online. Got advice on how to proceed. Missed going to the bank and paying tickets. Banking will have to be first thing tomorrow on my way to my grandmother's for breakfast. Tickets will be on my way home after the eye doctor appointment. I am more broke than I wanted to be. There is not the funds I hoped to pay that damnable mastercard. Crap. And I still have other bills.

As for homework... I am reading. Got through another article. One more and I can then write the essay on them. That will be one set done... 3 more to go. Back to reading now. Laundry did not get sorted and folded. Dammit. Tomorrow.

I NEED A FUCKING SOLID UNBROKEN WEEK!!!

busy busy busy... freaking out 

Somedays... I feel like I am going to fail this semeaster and never get my MA. Today is one of those days. I AM STILL BEHIND!!! And the end of term is 4 weeks from now. And my Tibet teacher just assigned us MORE! ARGH!

Thursday:
work
bank
pay tickets
art&archaeology articles and paper
weber articles & paper
laundry

Friday:
breakfast with grandmother (and clip her cat's claws)
eye doctor appointment
levi-strauss articles & paper
Tibet general reading
Tibet Bazaar
pay bills

Saturday:
teaching and more teaching
CMS Samhain ritual

Sunday:
geertz articles & paper
Tibet reading
Red Tara reading
plan proposal
Zen Art reading

Monday:
work
Tibet reading

Tuesday:
Tibet reading
Red Tara reading
Methods class
Kurukulla reading
write formal proposal for Tibet class

Wednesday:
work
teaching
Tibet reading

Thursday:
work
Tibet reading
prep reading presentation
Tibet class

*crosses fingers that the week goes smooth... it never seems to, please oh please... I cannot afford ANY more problems!!!*

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Fell short of the plan 

Nope... the plan for the day did not quite happen.

We did get to the bank, picked up M-SB's Serenity lamination, and roamed the Angrignon shopping center. That was a novel experience. I can hardly remember wandering a mall, it has been SO LONG. We bought me 3 practicla shirts, and drooled over other clothes and things. I made an appoint at Lenscrafters for an eye exam (i am way overdue) and chose a new set of frames. I just hope it will be in the budget somehow to get them. Appointment is for Friday. We even got some food out. Nice change of space. But, it took too long. Got home around 2:30pm.

Then I worked on WORK stuff. Typed the damned meeting minutes. Necessary but took me till 6:30pm ARRRGGGHHH!!! So much for homework and class. At least that is no longer hanging over my head.

I will have to get reptile food tomorrow on my break at work.

Ate sushi for supper. Now off to try to read articles for one of those LATE papers. Ugh.

Today's plan... hopefully 

Note on yesterday:
The rituals went very well (despite a small hiccup). And so BFC grows. We shared treats and I shared the antique 1800-1930's photo album I inherited.

Today:
- run errands (get picture, set another to lamin, get reptile food)
- breakfast
- type minutes (log time)
- read an article set while folding laundry
- write a 2-pg paper on it
- read another article set
- write another 2-pg paper on it
- eat
- go to class
- relax
- MAYBE read the next article set