Sunday, September 30, 2007
Root Chakra Day 3
Ok... heavy grains with almost no protein is not good. Pasta is a heavy meal, but not really a root chakra meal. Also, it gave me a tummy ache. Back to my meat and stuff. Maybe it was just that it was No Nome brand pasta in a box with fake cheese. Likely. I have just woken up. I slept in, but not as well as yesterday. I woke almost every hour starting at 5am. Not woke enough to get up, but enough to look at the clock and remember the time and be annoyed. The tummy ache has not helped.
What shall I do today? Have a protein breakfast of omlette in crepes (left over from yesterday) for brunch. I am going to do some body purging. Drinking lemonaid for the next couple days detoxifies the intestines.
My intestines do not like lots of spinach.
Off shopping again today for groceries. We bought food to make shepard's pie and the meaty rice dish we like. Lots of protein. I also got stuff to clean the gecko tank and feed the reptiles. Nature Pet Center has 2 big Leaf-tailed Geckos and a huge tank in a stand for $600. I so so so wants. The geckos have been around for a long while now, a couple months. They are not adult, but will be soonish. I can't afford them. We have other things we need to pay for first. But I love them. They are freindly and so cool to hold. *pout* I wants.......
*sigh*
Well geckos are cleaned and fed. They are now in the bedroom where my other gecko was. This is an attempt to make space in my office as I sort and purge in it a bit at a time very very slowly. If the crickets drive us crazy, they will come back inot the office. I expect they will be in the office again within 2 days, but I have hopes. Now off to make much protien related food for the week.
Meaty rice and shepards pie are now made and packaged for meals for the week. All good stuff for the root chakra. I love my husband. He thinks this is all wierd what I am doing, but still supports me in it.
I started thing on the altar again and sat for a bit. Being still is still a problem with me. *sigh* I stood and moved through some of the exercises. The half and full locust yoga poses ... I just can't do them. I did the others tho. And then stood and sank into the horse stance. I find this the easiest and the most powerful meditation pose for me. Stable, secure, ready, unafraid... and simple. The scent of the oil is upon my body. The scent of the incense burnes throughout the house. Red canle lit on the main altar. Earth candle lit here at the office desk. While I do have fears, most of them just don't really impact me much. Feeling trapped or useless or feeling out of control. Those are harder to think through. All others I can overcome and let go of. Being still... this is so hard for me. Why am I so afraid of this? When I am still my anxiety just grows. I have to break the meditation and move about doing things. It is almost like I desperate seek what this chakra offers me and am afraid to accept it at the same time. Like I do not trust it. I do not trust the stability and security. Like it is false and will vanish. Maybe because my foundations have been torn apart and knocked from beneath me so often. So this evening's meditations were not very successful. I come up with issues and could not face them. *sigh*
I will go get some tea and relax in the office. Tomorrow after work, after a trip to curves, I will try again.
What shall I do today? Have a protein breakfast of omlette in crepes (left over from yesterday) for brunch. I am going to do some body purging. Drinking lemonaid for the next couple days detoxifies the intestines.
My intestines do not like lots of spinach.
Off shopping again today for groceries. We bought food to make shepard's pie and the meaty rice dish we like. Lots of protein. I also got stuff to clean the gecko tank and feed the reptiles. Nature Pet Center has 2 big Leaf-tailed Geckos and a huge tank in a stand for $600. I so so so wants. The geckos have been around for a long while now, a couple months. They are not adult, but will be soonish. I can't afford them. We have other things we need to pay for first. But I love them. They are freindly and so cool to hold. *pout* I wants.......
*sigh*
Well geckos are cleaned and fed. They are now in the bedroom where my other gecko was. This is an attempt to make space in my office as I sort and purge in it a bit at a time very very slowly. If the crickets drive us crazy, they will come back inot the office. I expect they will be in the office again within 2 days, but I have hopes. Now off to make much protien related food for the week.
Meaty rice and shepards pie are now made and packaged for meals for the week. All good stuff for the root chakra. I love my husband. He thinks this is all wierd what I am doing, but still supports me in it.
I started thing on the altar again and sat for a bit. Being still is still a problem with me. *sigh* I stood and moved through some of the exercises. The half and full locust yoga poses ... I just can't do them. I did the others tho. And then stood and sank into the horse stance. I find this the easiest and the most powerful meditation pose for me. Stable, secure, ready, unafraid... and simple. The scent of the oil is upon my body. The scent of the incense burnes throughout the house. Red canle lit on the main altar. Earth candle lit here at the office desk. While I do have fears, most of them just don't really impact me much. Feeling trapped or useless or feeling out of control. Those are harder to think through. All others I can overcome and let go of. Being still... this is so hard for me. Why am I so afraid of this? When I am still my anxiety just grows. I have to break the meditation and move about doing things. It is almost like I desperate seek what this chakra offers me and am afraid to accept it at the same time. Like I do not trust it. I do not trust the stability and security. Like it is false and will vanish. Maybe because my foundations have been torn apart and knocked from beneath me so often. So this evening's meditations were not very successful. I come up with issues and could not face them. *sigh*
I will go get some tea and relax in the office. Tomorrow after work, after a trip to curves, I will try again.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Root Chakra Day 2
Last night I slept very well after a tense and flex meditation. I even slept in. OMG... slept in peacefully and well till 11am. And I woke not feeling completely groggy and wishing for more.
Today I will be working at the computer alot preparing some writing projects. I am trying to remember the proper way to sit for the root chakra. This is a proper posture sitting, spine straight but relaxed, shoulders back, leaning slightly forward so your sitting on the perineum, feet flat on the ground. That is all very hard. I sit poorly all the time. Also... my legs are short. I can't touch the floor with my office chair on the lowest level. If I sit more forward almost like I am sitting on the edge of my chair, then I can. I will have sore back muscles. But that is the price for sitting poorly for years.
I called Maxine today to arrange for her to come help me clean in this house Thursday and/or Friday. I am waiting for a reply.
I have concluded that I really do not like the taste of the genmai-cha tea at all. Today I will experiment with my own tea blending. I will try to make a nutty, earthy black tea. Oh! Hmmm... I think I will make a trip out to the Tea Shop on Monkland. Maybe find something perfect there.
Argh... sitting. Who would have thought that sitting would be so difficult and frustrating. I actually have to THINK about how I am sitting. All part of this 2-week regime. Root Chakra.
M-SB and I went out for breakfast and some shopping. I have the right to have things. That is another concept of the Root Chakra. I now have some nive comfy pants, shower gel and perfume from Yves Roches and their list of things they do (services). I might book a foot thing... um... pedicure. I discovered money in my wallet. Where did it come from? OH YEAH! I get paid for workshops. I had totally forgotten. It became my "play" money. I bought some things with it, including my Creme Earl Grey tea I was almost out of. I have money. And... that is ok. I spent it on things for me to have. And that is ... ok... too.
My altar is again set with incence and a candle. I put my loose change on the pentacle on the altar to bless it. They represent earth and physical possessions, the material world. In my office I have an Earth Feng Shui candle burning with its vanilla and nutty scent grounding me. I chose not to socialize this evening. Sorry everyone who hoped I would go out. I just wanted to relax, stay home, and be grounded for a while. That is exactly what I am doing. Sitting, relaxing and being grounded. I have the right to be where I am. These rights, to have and to be, are part of the root chakra. We are often afraid to have things, that we do not deserve them for ourselves. We often feel we do not belong. I have the right to have and to be.
Speaking of having... dinner. Must feed that root chakra. Pasta it is. It isn't a protein meal. But it is a heavy grounding grain meal. Tomorrow I will do the meat-based meals. I like alternating like this.
On my Earth candle, there was an i-ching coin. I am going to add it to my root chakra kit.
This day has gone so smoothly. I hope there are more smooth days like this.
Today I will be working at the computer alot preparing some writing projects. I am trying to remember the proper way to sit for the root chakra. This is a proper posture sitting, spine straight but relaxed, shoulders back, leaning slightly forward so your sitting on the perineum, feet flat on the ground. That is all very hard. I sit poorly all the time. Also... my legs are short. I can't touch the floor with my office chair on the lowest level. If I sit more forward almost like I am sitting on the edge of my chair, then I can. I will have sore back muscles. But that is the price for sitting poorly for years.
I called Maxine today to arrange for her to come help me clean in this house Thursday and/or Friday. I am waiting for a reply.
I have concluded that I really do not like the taste of the genmai-cha tea at all. Today I will experiment with my own tea blending. I will try to make a nutty, earthy black tea. Oh! Hmmm... I think I will make a trip out to the Tea Shop on Monkland. Maybe find something perfect there.
Argh... sitting. Who would have thought that sitting would be so difficult and frustrating. I actually have to THINK about how I am sitting. All part of this 2-week regime. Root Chakra.
M-SB and I went out for breakfast and some shopping. I have the right to have things. That is another concept of the Root Chakra. I now have some nive comfy pants, shower gel and perfume from Yves Roches and their list of things they do (services). I might book a foot thing... um... pedicure. I discovered money in my wallet. Where did it come from? OH YEAH! I get paid for workshops. I had totally forgotten. It became my "play" money. I bought some things with it, including my Creme Earl Grey tea I was almost out of. I have money. And... that is ok. I spent it on things for me to have. And that is ... ok... too.
My altar is again set with incence and a candle. I put my loose change on the pentacle on the altar to bless it. They represent earth and physical possessions, the material world. In my office I have an Earth Feng Shui candle burning with its vanilla and nutty scent grounding me. I chose not to socialize this evening. Sorry everyone who hoped I would go out. I just wanted to relax, stay home, and be grounded for a while. That is exactly what I am doing. Sitting, relaxing and being grounded. I have the right to be where I am. These rights, to have and to be, are part of the root chakra. We are often afraid to have things, that we do not deserve them for ourselves. We often feel we do not belong. I have the right to have and to be.
Speaking of having... dinner. Must feed that root chakra. Pasta it is. It isn't a protein meal. But it is a heavy grounding grain meal. Tomorrow I will do the meat-based meals. I like alternating like this.
On my Earth candle, there was an i-ching coin. I am going to add it to my root chakra kit.
This day has gone so smoothly. I hope there are more smooth days like this.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Root Chakra
Last night I lead tyhe first in a workshop series on Chakras. I was nervous. I hadn't really gone through the chakra work myself, just the research, so I would be doing it with my students. There were 6 people in the class. They turned out to be a great bunch and the class went amazingly!
I started with a heavy meal before class. At the beginning of the class, I offered multigrain bread and tofu spred as the protein to bring people into focus on the root chakra. I also served an earthy Genmai-cha tea while I explained the plan for the series. I then lead a guided meditation from "Wheels of Life" which was amazing ... so amazing. This was followed by providing a ton of information and answering questions about the chakra. We then tried a variety of yoga poses and shorter meditation exercises for the Root Chakra. I closed with one last guided meditation.
Now we go 2 weeks focusing on the chakra. I will keep a daily journal of this for myself.
Today, I am having pasta for lunch. Heavy grains and proteins stay in the digestive system longer and force the body into a more sluggish state and grounded state. My diet for the next two weeks will be grains, legumes, cheeses and MEAT!
The heavy lunch has made me tired. Maybe that is just lack of sleep tho. I just reworked the altar to focus on the root chakra. I am pleased. Just doing so and thinking about each item I am using on it, has made me feel more balanced. Over the large penatcle that charges things on my altar, I plaves the dark bergundy scarf I am using for this chakra. At the back is the Root Chakra card so I have the image to look at. in the middle is the cmall cauldrom I bought filled with sand and a charcoal tablet burning the root chakra incense: styrax, oakmoss, patchoili, cedar and sandalwood (white bleh). I still prefer it with red sandlawood. In front is the red candle burning. on the left is a little wooden pentacle disk on which I will place a few coins in a moment. On the right is the little bottle of root chakra anointing oil (oakmoss, cedar, musk, vanilla) and my three chosen stones: onyx, jasper, and jet. I tried brewing the Genmai-cha tea, but the type of green tea in it disagrees with me. I might have to make my own mix at a later time. Need some of the really good green tea that M-SB has. I will experiment when I am in more of an experimenting mood. For now, I am making creme earl grey (bergamot/vanilla) because it is soothing, simple and grounds me.
What have I noticed so far with root chakra? Focus, grounding and the need to prioritize and simplify.
Before I drink it, I need to think about dinner. I might have to run an errand out to the store. I want beef. I am thinking of making a beefy hamberger hash for supper. Yup. that will be the choice for tonight. Off to drink tea, meditate and finish watching an Asian movie.
Back from meditation. Here is my commentary. I picked up my anointing oil and proceeded to anoint my root chakra.. and stopped. EEK! Perinuim. I have to WHAT!?! Touch myself WHERE!?! Talk about awkward! It took me like 20minutes to overcome that inhibition and just do it. What was I afraid of? Looking silly? Who would see? The cat? What would the cat care? Bagheera rolled his eyes as tho to say hurry up so I can purr in your lap! *sigh* Did it. Fear. The root chakra is about fear. What on earth was I afraid of that would make me be so stupid about anointing my root chakra. Wierd is how I felt after and stupid for feeling stupid. The next challenge was to try to do a laying on of stones. How on earth to you lay your stone on your root chakra? In class we joked about taping it with duct tape to your perinium. Um... no... Joke. OUCH! Visual OUCH! I chose to sit on it. I have a piece of jet a little large than a golf ball. It brings attention to your root chakra. The energy of the stone and the ebergy of the root chakra connect easily and the grounding was extremely solid! I felt like I would not be able to get back up. I just sat there. Be Still. That is another aspect of this chakra. So I sat there... and sipped my tea. I followed this with some of the exercises. I don't feel tired anymore. Root chakra. Survival. Grounded. Self-preservation. Self Identity. The material world. Blocked by fear. I thought about what I was afraid of. I have many little fear and some pretty big ones. But what I fear most is being paralized by fear. But if I am able to face the little fears, how would I ever be paralyzes by them? What was I really afraid of? After some thought I came to realize that I was actually afraid losing self-coltrol. I was afraid to just stop doing. Being still is very hard for me. Sitting still with my tea and my mind chattering away inside my head about root chakra correspondances... I was afraid to be still. The still are dead. But I am not afraid of death or of dying. I am afraid of being still, paralyzed and unable to do things. Afraid of being trapped into a form of paralysis. What a challenge. Scarlet has yet to learn to just simplify and be still.
I stood up after my tea and lightly bounced in the horse stance. I was reminded of Tai Chi and how much I want to join a Tai Chi class, if only I have both the time and money to do so. For now, I have curves. I can manage to squeeze in once a week at curves. I want to try to up that to two times a week. I was as still as I could be in this meditation. Well... it was day one. I feel grounded and ready to tackle other things. Off to watch that movie and then to do some writing.
I started with a heavy meal before class. At the beginning of the class, I offered multigrain bread and tofu spred as the protein to bring people into focus on the root chakra. I also served an earthy Genmai-cha tea while I explained the plan for the series. I then lead a guided meditation from "Wheels of Life" which was amazing ... so amazing. This was followed by providing a ton of information and answering questions about the chakra. We then tried a variety of yoga poses and shorter meditation exercises for the Root Chakra. I closed with one last guided meditation.
Now we go 2 weeks focusing on the chakra. I will keep a daily journal of this for myself.
Today, I am having pasta for lunch. Heavy grains and proteins stay in the digestive system longer and force the body into a more sluggish state and grounded state. My diet for the next two weeks will be grains, legumes, cheeses and MEAT!
The heavy lunch has made me tired. Maybe that is just lack of sleep tho. I just reworked the altar to focus on the root chakra. I am pleased. Just doing so and thinking about each item I am using on it, has made me feel more balanced. Over the large penatcle that charges things on my altar, I plaves the dark bergundy scarf I am using for this chakra. At the back is the Root Chakra card so I have the image to look at. in the middle is the cmall cauldrom I bought filled with sand and a charcoal tablet burning the root chakra incense: styrax, oakmoss, patchoili, cedar and sandalwood (white bleh). I still prefer it with red sandlawood. In front is the red candle burning. on the left is a little wooden pentacle disk on which I will place a few coins in a moment. On the right is the little bottle of root chakra anointing oil (oakmoss, cedar, musk, vanilla) and my three chosen stones: onyx, jasper, and jet. I tried brewing the Genmai-cha tea, but the type of green tea in it disagrees with me. I might have to make my own mix at a later time. Need some of the really good green tea that M-SB has. I will experiment when I am in more of an experimenting mood. For now, I am making creme earl grey (bergamot/vanilla) because it is soothing, simple and grounds me.
What have I noticed so far with root chakra? Focus, grounding and the need to prioritize and simplify.
Before I drink it, I need to think about dinner. I might have to run an errand out to the store. I want beef. I am thinking of making a beefy hamberger hash for supper. Yup. that will be the choice for tonight. Off to drink tea, meditate and finish watching an Asian movie.
Back from meditation. Here is my commentary. I picked up my anointing oil and proceeded to anoint my root chakra.. and stopped. EEK! Perinuim. I have to WHAT!?! Touch myself WHERE!?! Talk about awkward! It took me like 20minutes to overcome that inhibition and just do it. What was I afraid of? Looking silly? Who would see? The cat? What would the cat care? Bagheera rolled his eyes as tho to say hurry up so I can purr in your lap! *sigh* Did it. Fear. The root chakra is about fear. What on earth was I afraid of that would make me be so stupid about anointing my root chakra. Wierd is how I felt after and stupid for feeling stupid. The next challenge was to try to do a laying on of stones. How on earth to you lay your stone on your root chakra? In class we joked about taping it with duct tape to your perinium. Um... no... Joke. OUCH! Visual OUCH! I chose to sit on it. I have a piece of jet a little large than a golf ball. It brings attention to your root chakra. The energy of the stone and the ebergy of the root chakra connect easily and the grounding was extremely solid! I felt like I would not be able to get back up. I just sat there. Be Still. That is another aspect of this chakra. So I sat there... and sipped my tea. I followed this with some of the exercises. I don't feel tired anymore. Root chakra. Survival. Grounded. Self-preservation. Self Identity. The material world. Blocked by fear. I thought about what I was afraid of. I have many little fear and some pretty big ones. But what I fear most is being paralized by fear. But if I am able to face the little fears, how would I ever be paralyzes by them? What was I really afraid of? After some thought I came to realize that I was actually afraid losing self-coltrol. I was afraid to just stop doing. Being still is very hard for me. Sitting still with my tea and my mind chattering away inside my head about root chakra correspondances... I was afraid to be still. The still are dead. But I am not afraid of death or of dying. I am afraid of being still, paralyzed and unable to do things. Afraid of being trapped into a form of paralysis. What a challenge. Scarlet has yet to learn to just simplify and be still.
I stood up after my tea and lightly bounced in the horse stance. I was reminded of Tai Chi and how much I want to join a Tai Chi class, if only I have both the time and money to do so. For now, I have curves. I can manage to squeeze in once a week at curves. I want to try to up that to two times a week. I was as still as I could be in this meditation. Well... it was day one. I feel grounded and ready to tackle other things. Off to watch that movie and then to do some writing.
Updates
Ok... it has been a bit...
I had a spiritual retreat over the Equinox weekend. It was amazing and relaxing and perfect for recharging and refocusing. I came home with a big flat stone of my own to use as my office altar stone. I also came home with lichen. AND... I came home with ideas... I so want my own chunk of land. Alas... that will have to wait. We have other more pressing financial things.
Someone offered (thru a friend) a dishwasher. I forget who told us.... but YES...oh gods YES!!! Please get back to me. PLEASE!
I have been working too many hours and have barely had time to breathe. The volunteer stuff I was doing in the Avatar Forum (still doing this but not quite as many hours now)... I realized (with help) that it can be added to a CV as actual work experience. My work hours at the store have also changed. I work a few more hours at the store each week. OH the store is getting a Tea Corner!! YAY!! That took a tone of rearranging work. I look forward to that being finished so we can plan the Tea Launch! AND... I will be going to the Romani Yag mid-October. It should be interesting.
What else...
School.... I got part of my summer student loan. It paid off my summer fees. I am still waiting for my Fall loan. I emailed my teacher. I have a semester off. I am suppoised to spend this semester reading and researching and preparing the permission forms for interviewing. The paper writing will happen in the Spring. Fior this, I am REALLY grateful to my teacher for understanding.
Family...
My sister moved out with my niece... out of my parents' home and into St-Anne's so my niece is now near John Abbott. I hope it goes ok. My brother and his family have arrived and moved into my parents' home. It is wierd talking to my brother. He talks to me like I am an equal human adult. I don't remember my brother actually every doing that except over email on the very rare occasion. I have to go visit soon. My dad broke his other leg and is now miserable with both legs out of commission. My poor Daddy! Please think healing energy for him.
So what am I doing now? Looking at hiring help in the house, researching, writing (yes, I am back at writing fanfiction), subbing now and then, and trying to get my life into order. Because of this, please understand that I am not avoiding you because I hate you or anything. I just need ME time and do not want to "hang out" or "chat" with anyone. It isn't you... I just want to be left be for a while to sort ME out. So, I am sorry if you need to talk or need comfort or need me... I cannot be there for any of you at the moment. I have my life and my immediate family to work on and if it isn't those, I have ME to work on. I am sorry if you might feel ignored or put out. Try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with any of you.
Lastly, Wedding plans. Why do these have to be so frustating and like going to the dentist to get extractions without anestesia? Makes me want to f-ing scream! Just want a place for a wedding and reception. My mom's is out. His mom's is out. Now what? Why do I have to be the one to think about it? I will stop here on this thot. I am about to rant and ruin my currently ok day. Later all!
I had a spiritual retreat over the Equinox weekend. It was amazing and relaxing and perfect for recharging and refocusing. I came home with a big flat stone of my own to use as my office altar stone. I also came home with lichen. AND... I came home with ideas... I so want my own chunk of land. Alas... that will have to wait. We have other more pressing financial things.
Someone offered (thru a friend) a dishwasher. I forget who told us.... but YES...oh gods YES!!! Please get back to me. PLEASE!
I have been working too many hours and have barely had time to breathe. The volunteer stuff I was doing in the Avatar Forum (still doing this but not quite as many hours now)... I realized (with help) that it can be added to a CV as actual work experience. My work hours at the store have also changed. I work a few more hours at the store each week. OH the store is getting a Tea Corner!! YAY!! That took a tone of rearranging work. I look forward to that being finished so we can plan the Tea Launch! AND... I will be going to the Romani Yag mid-October. It should be interesting.
What else...
School.... I got part of my summer student loan. It paid off my summer fees. I am still waiting for my Fall loan. I emailed my teacher. I have a semester off. I am suppoised to spend this semester reading and researching and preparing the permission forms for interviewing. The paper writing will happen in the Spring. Fior this, I am REALLY grateful to my teacher for understanding.
Family...
My sister moved out with my niece... out of my parents' home and into St-Anne's so my niece is now near John Abbott. I hope it goes ok. My brother and his family have arrived and moved into my parents' home. It is wierd talking to my brother. He talks to me like I am an equal human adult. I don't remember my brother actually every doing that except over email on the very rare occasion. I have to go visit soon. My dad broke his other leg and is now miserable with both legs out of commission. My poor Daddy! Please think healing energy for him.
So what am I doing now? Looking at hiring help in the house, researching, writing (yes, I am back at writing fanfiction), subbing now and then, and trying to get my life into order. Because of this, please understand that I am not avoiding you because I hate you or anything. I just need ME time and do not want to "hang out" or "chat" with anyone. It isn't you... I just want to be left be for a while to sort ME out. So, I am sorry if you need to talk or need comfort or need me... I cannot be there for any of you at the moment. I have my life and my immediate family to work on and if it isn't those, I have ME to work on. I am sorry if you might feel ignored or put out. Try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with any of you.
Lastly, Wedding plans. Why do these have to be so frustating and like going to the dentist to get extractions without anestesia? Makes me want to f-ing scream! Just want a place for a wedding and reception. My mom's is out. His mom's is out. Now what? Why do I have to be the one to think about it? I will stop here on this thot. I am about to rant and ruin my currently ok day. Later all!
Friday, September 07, 2007
Done.
I am fed up with the shopping thing. I spent a quiet 2 hours trying on more clothes than I could tolerate to fine something I wanted. I am now done for a while. And thanks to Karyn, I now have some nice things to wear to tomorrow's wedding. The no black or white restriction for the spirital request made finding something HARD! That and the time crunch. The wedding is tomorrow at 8:00am. OMG!!!
When M-SB and I do our ceremony, I promise we will not make it at such an ungodly hour.
I got tattooed today. Touched up the HONOR tattoo and got LOVE put onto the right wrist. It will need touching up at a later time after it has healed. I am pleased. I like them. Thank you Gordon at Thoth Tattooing.
I am still feeling kinda moody. It doesn't help that I can't get focused on school and that is ticking by. Part of me just wants to give it up.
When M-SB and I do our ceremony, I promise we will not make it at such an ungodly hour.
I got tattooed today. Touched up the HONOR tattoo and got LOVE put onto the right wrist. It will need touching up at a later time after it has healed. I am pleased. I like them. Thank you Gordon at Thoth Tattooing.
I am still feeling kinda moody. It doesn't help that I can't get focused on school and that is ticking by. Part of me just wants to give it up.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Shopping...
M-SB's sister is getting married at 8am Saturday morning. It is kinda short notice. I need something to wear. I have gotten... well... i put on weight over the summer somehow and don't fit any of my pants. No... I am not pregnant unless one is pregnant and menstruates at the same time repeatedly as though not pregnant.
So, I need clothes in general, but especially need something for Saturday NOW! So i had some help. I already dreaded the experience. I weighed myself on a scale and was already demoralized. The fun I had at curves helped lift my spirits some. Finding shoes successfully was an even better lift to my spirits... then had to find a shirt. This has ruined any possible good mood I could have had along with any positive image I might have had about my appearance. Every time I tried something on, I was appalled at the reflection of me in the mirror. Is that really me? I don't recognize me at all. Nothing looked nice or pretty. Everything seemed to acceptuate how disproportionate and fat and ugly I was. I just wanted to die. I put on a brave face for the evening. Then got home and cried... alot.
I don't want to talk about it.
Don't touch me.
So, I need clothes in general, but especially need something for Saturday NOW! So i had some help. I already dreaded the experience. I weighed myself on a scale and was already demoralized. The fun I had at curves helped lift my spirits some. Finding shoes successfully was an even better lift to my spirits... then had to find a shirt. This has ruined any possible good mood I could have had along with any positive image I might have had about my appearance. Every time I tried something on, I was appalled at the reflection of me in the mirror. Is that really me? I don't recognize me at all. Nothing looked nice or pretty. Everything seemed to acceptuate how disproportionate and fat and ugly I was. I just wanted to die. I put on a brave face for the evening. Then got home and cried... alot.
I don't want to talk about it.
Don't touch me.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
What to write?
Well, the summer flew by. I have no idea where June through August went. I hit a near burnout stage and still have no clue how it snuck up on me. Roo and I ran away to Whispering Pines to camp for the weekend. Two nights away were definately not enough. I come back and there is SO MUCH TO DO before September starts. OH! look! September is already here. ~crap~
Well, the taxes are done and get mailed tomorrow. I have a ton of meetings, readings, and teaching to do. I dropped off my cv to a few schools. There is a wedding I have to be ready to go to on Saturday. I am not permitted to wear black or white to it. Need some new clothes and shoes now. I got caught up on the volunteer work I do on the avatar forum. I am so very behind in reading and prepping for my paper for school. And am just as behind in cleaning this house. Someone recommended someone to me... not the first girl (she turned out to be allergic to cats and won't come)... someone else. Please get me her contact info. I needs halp!
So what to write... I managed to write something at least.
The weekend away was great. It was peaceful and pretty much people-free. I spoiled me and us for the weekend. We saw deer road kill on the road. Sad sad. We saw a red fox that dashed in front of my car. We stopped and stared at each other for a moment before going our separate ways. There was a woodpecker that must have eaten SUPER GRO or something, because it was HUGE! There was also a family of like 5 little woodpecked who came by the lightening struck tree to eat bugs. Deer walked all around our tent in the middle of the night on their way over to the apple tree nearby. We scared a grouse while walking and exploring trails. The best was Dignity. Unfortunately, we lost our Dignity before we left. *cries* Dignity is a little tabby cat with a white face and white toes on all four feet. He was intelligent and skittish, but once calm was so very cuddly. He shared our food and our tent while we were there. He was a stray that the landowners did not want. We were going to bring him home with us, but he was nowhere to be seen when we had to leave. Alas.
I have concluded that $9 a night is worth my sanity when I want to run away from home. It is the best I will be able to do until I can own my own land with a little cabin.
Well, the taxes are done and get mailed tomorrow. I have a ton of meetings, readings, and teaching to do. I dropped off my cv to a few schools. There is a wedding I have to be ready to go to on Saturday. I am not permitted to wear black or white to it. Need some new clothes and shoes now. I got caught up on the volunteer work I do on the avatar forum. I am so very behind in reading and prepping for my paper for school. And am just as behind in cleaning this house. Someone recommended someone to me... not the first girl (she turned out to be allergic to cats and won't come)... someone else. Please get me her contact info. I needs halp!
So what to write... I managed to write something at least.
The weekend away was great. It was peaceful and pretty much people-free. I spoiled me and us for the weekend. We saw deer road kill on the road. Sad sad. We saw a red fox that dashed in front of my car. We stopped and stared at each other for a moment before going our separate ways. There was a woodpecker that must have eaten SUPER GRO or something, because it was HUGE! There was also a family of like 5 little woodpecked who came by the lightening struck tree to eat bugs. Deer walked all around our tent in the middle of the night on their way over to the apple tree nearby. We scared a grouse while walking and exploring trails. The best was Dignity. Unfortunately, we lost our Dignity before we left. *cries* Dignity is a little tabby cat with a white face and white toes on all four feet. He was intelligent and skittish, but once calm was so very cuddly. He shared our food and our tent while we were there. He was a stray that the landowners did not want. We were going to bring him home with us, but he was nowhere to be seen when we had to leave. Alas.
I have concluded that $9 a night is worth my sanity when I want to run away from home. It is the best I will be able to do until I can own my own land with a little cabin.
Monday, September 03, 2007
futsing with photos
