Thursday, October 25, 2007
Navel Chakra Last Day
forgot to print the student workbook... forgot to try to SQUEEZE ink out of my toner for 3 books. *sigh* Next week, I will get new toner and print them. I is sorry CMS level 1's. I was up 6:30am and off to teach grade 5 with my mom today. It went really well!! They are an amazing grous in a nice neat and clean and organized classroom. I adore this group. I hope I get to teach them again. I rushed from there to the store to work there. TEA CORNER IS SET UP!!! *SQUEEE!!!* What pleases Scarlet? TEA!! Did a useless 1-hr errand and got jammed in traffic. Gave up and returned. So many new things at the store. We will be getting ready for major tea and apothecary stuff. I can hardly wait. When the level 1's showed up for class, one brought her cooking project in advance. She cooked a pumpkin soup from scratch. What a great navel chakra food for me, orange and liquid!! Except... I detest pumpkins and their smell and taste, etc. HOWEVER... however, thisa soup is amazing!! Really delicious! I need the recipe. I want to make some!! So... what pleases me. This is really hard to think about. I am so busy doing and doing... and mostly for others. I don't really thiank about what pleases me. I um... like reading... mostly poetry and sci-fi/fantasy. I like to sit in the garden. I love walking by the lakeshore. Tea... mmmm tea... roleplaying makes me happy. Massages... oh yes, they please me. I got a sensual massage oil for a reason and it was to be shared. HINT! Anyways. A clean house pleases me. Teaching enthusiastic people really pleases me. Art... and I mean doing it. Over the years, some friends have gotten me canvases, sketchbooks, an eisel... I just lack both time and space to do anything. It would please me to have space and more supplies. Snuggling pleases me too. Someone surprising me with initiative and something to do that is not part of the work work work routine pleases me. Being told I am loved... and that I am beautiful. Meditation and ritual pleases me, especially if I can share it with special people. I am pleased by my hubby cooking for me or finding me clothing that actually looks good on me. Not many can people have a guy who can do those things! Not being rushed pleases me. Sitting in the woods just being... being me and part of the oneness of nature pleases me. Road trips to new exotic places pleases me too. Cats, especially purring ones make me want to purr too! These are things that please me that can be repeated or in a constant. What sort of other things please me... One time things? Finally having my handfasting. That would please me. No... I do not have any idea when that will actually happen. At the moment, I am sitting at work because I have nothing to do while the level 1's get taught. I have a bunch of pleasing and exciting things being planning. CONFERENCES! I get to go away next year... several times! YAY! Now, I think I will go grab a nap on the back sofa while i wait for the class to be over. I was up way too early today.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Navel Chakra Days 11 & 12
I have been working a stupid amount of days and hours and such. I am tires and sore... like... constantly.
Yesterday morning I soaked in an orange bath with my navel chakra bath salt. It was not bad. I don't soak in baths often. We got teas at the store and so have been in the big sorting and cleaning spree to set up the tea section of the apothecary. Now for tons and tons of washing of jars! My back hurts from carrying the box of 20+ big glass jard up the stairs and around the store. Because I was sore and HUNGRY I didn't go to Curves.
I painted my solar plexus box alone because I didn't know if I would be able to get over to Roo's for an overnight. I also finished up the notes on that chakra. I have yet to get stuff for the box. I have 2 days. EEK!
I tried the pumpkin spice tea. It smell very pumpkin with a hint of spicy cinnamon. When made into tea, it taste very cinnamon with a hint of pumpkin. It has actual pumpkin bits in it too. It looked interesting. I didn't like the smell... and also truly hated the taste. But then, I don't like pumpkin AND I don't like cinnamon. So that is suspected. I also tried our matcha. It is a strong bitter green tea powder, but that was expected. It is a decent matcha, tho not as good as the one I got from the workshop I took on Japanese ceremonies. Ooooo... I can make green tea ice cream with it! Must look up the recipe!
Today I get more tea supplies. *SQUEE!!* I will also be cleaning out jars like mad and setting up the additives section of the Apothecary. We should have a scale and pricing for the additives. I need a whole new book for tea rules for the apothecary. Hmmm... some plastified blending proportions and pricing notes would be helpful.
Today I must will myself to get to Curves. It is just easier with company. *sigh*
Tonight in meditation I will focus on a question... the one i asked everyone in class to consider:
What Brings You Pleasure?
Yesterday morning I soaked in an orange bath with my navel chakra bath salt. It was not bad. I don't soak in baths often. We got teas at the store and so have been in the big sorting and cleaning spree to set up the tea section of the apothecary. Now for tons and tons of washing of jars! My back hurts from carrying the box of 20+ big glass jard up the stairs and around the store. Because I was sore and HUNGRY I didn't go to Curves.
I painted my solar plexus box alone because I didn't know if I would be able to get over to Roo's for an overnight. I also finished up the notes on that chakra. I have yet to get stuff for the box. I have 2 days. EEK!
I tried the pumpkin spice tea. It smell very pumpkin with a hint of spicy cinnamon. When made into tea, it taste very cinnamon with a hint of pumpkin. It has actual pumpkin bits in it too. It looked interesting. I didn't like the smell... and also truly hated the taste. But then, I don't like pumpkin AND I don't like cinnamon. So that is suspected. I also tried our matcha. It is a strong bitter green tea powder, but that was expected. It is a decent matcha, tho not as good as the one I got from the workshop I took on Japanese ceremonies. Ooooo... I can make green tea ice cream with it! Must look up the recipe!
Today I get more tea supplies. *SQUEE!!* I will also be cleaning out jars like mad and setting up the additives section of the Apothecary. We should have a scale and pricing for the additives. I need a whole new book for tea rules for the apothecary. Hmmm... some plastified blending proportions and pricing notes would be helpful.
Today I must will myself to get to Curves. It is just easier with company. *sigh*
Tonight in meditation I will focus on a question... the one i asked everyone in class to consider:
What Brings You Pleasure?
Sunday, October 21, 2007
To My Coven...
I can hug and kiss you all!!!
Today was a great day. Thank you.
Chocolate mint tea was perfect.
I even went outside after and cut some herbs and flowers from my garden and set them in a vase in the kitchen.
Today was a great day. Thank you.
Chocolate mint tea was perfect.
I even went outside after and cut some herbs and flowers from my garden and set them in a vase in the kitchen.
Navel Chakra Days 9 & 10
Saturday was a bit of a whirlind and fo full of water. We had near torrential downpours of rain in the wee hours of the morning and when I got into work, found the store flooded a bit. Thankfully no stock was damaged. The cat was unahappy, but that was all. I have to admit that I am thoroughly sick of orange juice. Speaking of sick. Apparently many people around me are sick... I DON'T WANT IT!! So dealing with water and the navel chakra has at least boosted my immune system thus far. Must be all that orange juice.
I pondered the things associated with this chakra: emotions, confidence, pleasure, sex, fertility, etc. Blocked by guilt. Well sex was not so much a factor. *sigh* Nor fertility, though I will know that sometime by the end of the month. We shall see. I doubt it. I have not really done much in the way of pleasure. I have been so busy working. Maybe I am having difficulty enjoying pleasure because I feel guilty about feeling it. That souded kind of twisted and confusing... like a catch 22. There are things I want and things I feel so much that it hurts. And I feel guilty for them because I just don't think others want them with me, a specific other. I feel like I am constantly met with passive resistence. So I just shove it aside and bottle it up and hope that something will change.... because whatever I am doing, is obviously not working. I am blocked.
I know this is going to be the least successful chakra for me. I can push through it, but I will not get the full benefits of the energies of this chakra and will have to come back to its issues.
Today is day 10 of my 2 weeks of navel chakra. I wanted to do some kind of personal pampering for myself. I wanted to do something of ultimate pleasure. I have no budget for it though. It would be nice if I got a full body sensual massage. *wishful sigh* I will have to just give myself a mini personal spa experience. M-SB is off doing a firearms course and exam today while I have a coven meeting. After folks leave, I think I will soak in a hot bath and pamper my body with lotion. The hot bath will be great. I have been doing lots of exercises and going to curves this week. Every muscle aches, expecially my lower back, hips, legs. Hmmm... hot bath... I don't do a bath often, as I have issues with "sitting in your own filth" concepts, but after a cleansing shower, perhaps a hot soak is ok.
I pondered the things associated with this chakra: emotions, confidence, pleasure, sex, fertility, etc. Blocked by guilt. Well sex was not so much a factor. *sigh* Nor fertility, though I will know that sometime by the end of the month. We shall see. I doubt it. I have not really done much in the way of pleasure. I have been so busy working. Maybe I am having difficulty enjoying pleasure because I feel guilty about feeling it. That souded kind of twisted and confusing... like a catch 22. There are things I want and things I feel so much that it hurts. And I feel guilty for them because I just don't think others want them with me, a specific other. I feel like I am constantly met with passive resistence. So I just shove it aside and bottle it up and hope that something will change.... because whatever I am doing, is obviously not working. I am blocked.
I know this is going to be the least successful chakra for me. I can push through it, but I will not get the full benefits of the energies of this chakra and will have to come back to its issues.
Today is day 10 of my 2 weeks of navel chakra. I wanted to do some kind of personal pampering for myself. I wanted to do something of ultimate pleasure. I have no budget for it though. It would be nice if I got a full body sensual massage. *wishful sigh* I will have to just give myself a mini personal spa experience. M-SB is off doing a firearms course and exam today while I have a coven meeting. After folks leave, I think I will soak in a hot bath and pamper my body with lotion. The hot bath will be great. I have been doing lots of exercises and going to curves this week. Every muscle aches, expecially my lower back, hips, legs. Hmmm... hot bath... I don't do a bath often, as I have issues with "sitting in your own filth" concepts, but after a cleansing shower, perhaps a hot soak is ok.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Navel Chakra Days 7 & 8
Thursday was my 7th Navel Chakra day. I had the pleasure of a cleaning lady. She was Australian. She was also wonderful and her very presense cleaning stuff relieved a TON of stress. I crashed asleep out of the blue after that. Later that evening redid the Navel Chakra Workshop for a student who missed it. That went really well. I had soups and orange juice, and aloe juice and happy halloween two-bite cupcakes as food for the navel chakra.
Today I had a doctor's appointment for a full annual physical. I have yet to do some tests... they will be next week or the week after. Other than that, I appear healthy. I now have new prescriptions for my athsma pump and epipen, both of which are expired, neither of which I can afford today. I went to curves and did the full workout with some additions to the stretches, my navel chakra stretches. Funny thing happened. The woman who started her session today at the same time as me and ended with me, copied my navel chakra exercises. She never spoke a word to me nor asked me about them. She just followed my routine. *shrug*
I came home to a surprise from the landlord. He replaced the hall lights. I unfortunately dissappointed him with my dislike of the banister painting. Sorry. You asked if I liked it. I was honest. I don't like it. This is a wierd week of constant fatugue. It would be nice if my body made up its mind about some things. I think after lunch and a glass of orange juice, I will go take a nap.
Today I had a doctor's appointment for a full annual physical. I have yet to do some tests... they will be next week or the week after. Other than that, I appear healthy. I now have new prescriptions for my athsma pump and epipen, both of which are expired, neither of which I can afford today. I went to curves and did the full workout with some additions to the stretches, my navel chakra stretches. Funny thing happened. The woman who started her session today at the same time as me and ended with me, copied my navel chakra exercises. She never spoke a word to me nor asked me about them. She just followed my routine. *shrug*
I came home to a surprise from the landlord. He replaced the hall lights. I unfortunately dissappointed him with my dislike of the banister painting. Sorry. You asked if I liked it. I was honest. I don't like it. This is a wierd week of constant fatugue. It would be nice if my body made up its mind about some things. I think after lunch and a glass of orange juice, I will go take a nap.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Navel Chaka Day 6
Yesterday was Day 5. I try to think of the things that might be blocking my navel chakra. Guilt. What do I feel guilty for? I feel guilty for not getting my ass to Curves. Though feeling nauseous will hinder that, so will working during the times they are open. I don't have any guilts that I can think of. Do I need to forgive myself for something? After some long thinking yesterday, I reralized. I feel guilty for all the positive things this chakra gives. I feel guilty about taking personal time, doing things that truly please me. I often feel guilty agout how I feel, like it might infringe on someone else.
Today I teach the navel chakra to another student.
I will condiser this discovery throughout the day. I am not sure how to deal with it.
I tell people that their feelings are never wrong. But I often feel like mine are. Like I have no right to feel them. I feel it is wrong when I do something that makes me happy and then of course the happines fades with those concerns. The advise for dealing with guilt is to forgive yourself. I don't think this form of guilt gets dealt with by forgiving one's self. *sigh*
Today I teach the navel chakra to another student.
I will condiser this discovery throughout the day. I am not sure how to deal with it.
I tell people that their feelings are never wrong. But I often feel like mine are. Like I have no right to feel them. I feel it is wrong when I do something that makes me happy and then of course the happines fades with those concerns. The advise for dealing with guilt is to forgive yourself. I don't think this form of guilt gets dealt with by forgiving one's self. *sigh*
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Navel Chakra Day 5
I know I have not logged days 1 through 4. I was busy working and not anywhere near a computer. So let me do a brief recap
Day 1: Friday
I slept Thursday night at Roo's to recap the chakra class and chat and roleplay. The class had gone very well, despite my nervousness. This chakra is about pleasure, creativity, confidence, and is blocked by guilt. We chatted about it some. I had to get up at a stupid hour in the morning though. Up at 6:30am and off to teach grade 6 with my mom in Pierrefond. That day was odd. It was my mother's birthday. The kids were sorta less than nice. I bought my mom lunch. She was all weepy wishing people would do things for her but not wanting to ask them to. I can understand that. It is hard. The other people cannot read minds and so can't quite know that you want XYZ, but if you tell them you want XYZ then the sponinaety of it is lost and they have not really done it of their own accord. It is disheartening to prompt someone to do simple small things that make you happy. You just want them to discover it o their own and repeat it. This plays into my navel chakra about emotions and pleasure and the right to feel and be happy. I hope I brightened my mother's day a bit for her birthday.
From there, I rushed to the store to pack for the Romani Yag. I had a soup for supper. Soups are a liquid food and I figured that was another good way to tap into the navel chakra. We were packed and gone by 4:30pm and spent more than 2 hours trying to get to the location. It was infuriating!! I was in a right old foul mood when we got there and so unimpressed with the building and everything. I had already suspected it would be like a church basement failure thing. I had hoped it wouldn't be because Roo was so keen. The promotional material was also very good, professional and gave the impression of a professional conference like you would encounter in a hotel or university. There were guests from out of town, deep academic discussion about the culture and plight of the Romani people, vendors, and musical concerts. The expectation was 3000 people. But It was not that. It was a building that was once a church and was not owned by the Ukranian Federation. Essentially... it was a church basement. We stayed till about 10pm. Our foul mood upon arrival barely gone. We did agree to give it a second chance in the end. Maybe the Saturday would pick up.
When we returned to Roo's, I had a long shower in the hopes of cleansing away my day. I set up the Navel Chakra altar and did some meditation. I know I have navel chakra issues, though I will not exp0lain how I knwo here in a public blog, but I was unsure how to deal with them. I wasn't sure if they were guilt related. I was just blocked from the benefits of the chakra. There isn't really anything I truly feel guilty for. Mostly because everything has been a learning experience and I try not to ruin things for anyone. That night, I asked Roo for a reiki session. It was in a good calm headspace and this was likely going to be a rare moment where reiki might actually work. She is bartering it for workshops. I love the barter system when I can do it.
::: Interruption :::
I have to get to work now. I will write more on this later.
::: Interruption temp. over :::
Roo set up her Reiki table and there I froze like a terror stricken deer. It was HIGH. Any anxiety I might have had about someone moving my personal energy about ended with a different anxiety. In the end, I was coaxed onto the table and relaxed. The reiki session was wonderful. I highly recommend her!!
Day 2: Saturday
We set up again at the Romani Yag. I had soup for my navel chakra. There were more people there, but far far far from the estimated 3000. The location well... sucked. And worse, at the end of the day, the concerts had to be moved because they didn't have the proper permits. It was a waste for us. We packed up after the last lecture and returned everything to the store by 8pm-ish. I think. Spent the evening feeding our pleasures with good pizza for enduring that flop.
Day 3: Sunday
Last Romani Yag day. It was useless to go. We busied ourselves with other things and 1:00am come all too suddenly! Oops. Roo got me hooked on Carnivale.
Day 4: Monday
Work. We bussed in. For the navel chakra we went to a Tonkinese place for soup. That was a mistake, at least for me. It made me ill. Kinda ruined the day. The evening went much better. I put the wonderful massage sensual oil I bought from Nathalie to use. Navel chakra is all about... um... pleasure... ya! *grins mischievously*
Day 5 Teusday
see next post...
Day 1: Friday
I slept Thursday night at Roo's to recap the chakra class and chat and roleplay. The class had gone very well, despite my nervousness. This chakra is about pleasure, creativity, confidence, and is blocked by guilt. We chatted about it some. I had to get up at a stupid hour in the morning though. Up at 6:30am and off to teach grade 6 with my mom in Pierrefond. That day was odd. It was my mother's birthday. The kids were sorta less than nice. I bought my mom lunch. She was all weepy wishing people would do things for her but not wanting to ask them to. I can understand that. It is hard. The other people cannot read minds and so can't quite know that you want XYZ, but if you tell them you want XYZ then the sponinaety of it is lost and they have not really done it of their own accord. It is disheartening to prompt someone to do simple small things that make you happy. You just want them to discover it o their own and repeat it. This plays into my navel chakra about emotions and pleasure and the right to feel and be happy. I hope I brightened my mother's day a bit for her birthday.
From there, I rushed to the store to pack for the Romani Yag. I had a soup for supper. Soups are a liquid food and I figured that was another good way to tap into the navel chakra. We were packed and gone by 4:30pm and spent more than 2 hours trying to get to the location. It was infuriating!! I was in a right old foul mood when we got there and so unimpressed with the building and everything. I had already suspected it would be like a church basement failure thing. I had hoped it wouldn't be because Roo was so keen. The promotional material was also very good, professional and gave the impression of a professional conference like you would encounter in a hotel or university. There were guests from out of town, deep academic discussion about the culture and plight of the Romani people, vendors, and musical concerts. The expectation was 3000 people. But It was not that. It was a building that was once a church and was not owned by the Ukranian Federation. Essentially... it was a church basement. We stayed till about 10pm. Our foul mood upon arrival barely gone. We did agree to give it a second chance in the end. Maybe the Saturday would pick up.
When we returned to Roo's, I had a long shower in the hopes of cleansing away my day. I set up the Navel Chakra altar and did some meditation. I know I have navel chakra issues, though I will not exp0lain how I knwo here in a public blog, but I was unsure how to deal with them. I wasn't sure if they were guilt related. I was just blocked from the benefits of the chakra. There isn't really anything I truly feel guilty for. Mostly because everything has been a learning experience and I try not to ruin things for anyone. That night, I asked Roo for a reiki session. It was in a good calm headspace and this was likely going to be a rare moment where reiki might actually work. She is bartering it for workshops. I love the barter system when I can do it.
::: Interruption :::
I have to get to work now. I will write more on this later.
::: Interruption temp. over :::
Roo set up her Reiki table and there I froze like a terror stricken deer. It was HIGH. Any anxiety I might have had about someone moving my personal energy about ended with a different anxiety. In the end, I was coaxed onto the table and relaxed. The reiki session was wonderful. I highly recommend her!!
Day 2: Saturday
We set up again at the Romani Yag. I had soup for my navel chakra. There were more people there, but far far far from the estimated 3000. The location well... sucked. And worse, at the end of the day, the concerts had to be moved because they didn't have the proper permits. It was a waste for us. We packed up after the last lecture and returned everything to the store by 8pm-ish. I think. Spent the evening feeding our pleasures with good pizza for enduring that flop.
Day 3: Sunday
Last Romani Yag day. It was useless to go. We busied ourselves with other things and 1:00am come all too suddenly! Oops. Roo got me hooked on Carnivale.
Day 4: Monday
Work. We bussed in. For the navel chakra we went to a Tonkinese place for soup. That was a mistake, at least for me. It made me ill. Kinda ruined the day. The evening went much better. I put the wonderful massage sensual oil I bought from Nathalie to use. Navel chakra is all about... um... pleasure... ya! *grins mischievously*
Day 5 Teusday
see next post...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Root Chakra Days 12 & 13
Yesterday, was a hectic day but full of dealng with needs and the material world. What did I do? I paid bills. Why is this significant and related to the root chakra? Because I have big bills and it is a great feeling to be able to deal with some of them and thus remove them from my stresses and fears. Paying them establishes more of my stability and foundation, more grounding. It ensures that my needs are met and I feel safe and secure.
My husbands made delicious breadzels.
I was too hungry after work to go to Curves. I was at risk of passing out if I went. So I came home and had dinner.
Today is essentially the last of my Root Chakra days. I am wearing Root Chakra ol as perfume today and doing grounding exercises. I learned alot from this past 2 weeks. I can see why such a thing gets done over and over and is worked on regularly. I now take a break from it as I prepare for tomorrow's next class on the Navel Chakra and work on 2 weeks of that.
::EDIT MANY HRS LATER::
*RAWR!*
*pout... cry*
The day was... well... everyone grouched around me and snapped at me and everything I said and did went badly, no matter how nice I tried to be. I wanted ti kick everyone out and tell them to all go home and leave me be. I never got to sit and work out that lesson for the night. I definately did not get to step away for even 15 minutes and change my headspace before teaching. I went into class all stressy. I left stressy because I felt I gave a crappy class. I came home to a sleeping husband and could not even get comfort from him.
I really hope tomorrow goes better. I am kinda ready for the Navel Chakra class. I have to get up early and make a trip to Wallmart for some clothing. Grab a fast lunch on my way to Pierrfond to teach grade 6 with my mom by noon, stop at curves on my way out of teaching, get to work and plan and pack for the Romani Yag, rearrange the upstairs classroom for class, find dinner, teach a class. How many times do I change my headspace tomorrow? AHHHHH! Please gods, oh please gods let no one be growly at or around me tomorrow...
*ground ground ground*
Oh... so maybe I am not quite done with root chakra stuff.
*sits, gorunds, breathes through root chakra for ... a while*
My husbands made delicious breadzels.
I was too hungry after work to go to Curves. I was at risk of passing out if I went. So I came home and had dinner.
Today is essentially the last of my Root Chakra days. I am wearing Root Chakra ol as perfume today and doing grounding exercises. I learned alot from this past 2 weeks. I can see why such a thing gets done over and over and is worked on regularly. I now take a break from it as I prepare for tomorrow's next class on the Navel Chakra and work on 2 weeks of that.
::EDIT MANY HRS LATER::
*RAWR!*
*pout... cry*
The day was... well... everyone grouched around me and snapped at me and everything I said and did went badly, no matter how nice I tried to be. I wanted ti kick everyone out and tell them to all go home and leave me be. I never got to sit and work out that lesson for the night. I definately did not get to step away for even 15 minutes and change my headspace before teaching. I went into class all stressy. I left stressy because I felt I gave a crappy class. I came home to a sleeping husband and could not even get comfort from him.
I really hope tomorrow goes better. I am kinda ready for the Navel Chakra class. I have to get up early and make a trip to Wallmart for some clothing. Grab a fast lunch on my way to Pierrfond to teach grade 6 with my mom by noon, stop at curves on my way out of teaching, get to work and plan and pack for the Romani Yag, rearrange the upstairs classroom for class, find dinner, teach a class. How many times do I change my headspace tomorrow? AHHHHH! Please gods, oh please gods let no one be growly at or around me tomorrow...
*ground ground ground*
Oh... so maybe I am not quite done with root chakra stuff.
*sits, gorunds, breathes through root chakra for ... a while*
Monday, October 08, 2007
Thanks Giving
My family did not have a thanks giving dinner thing... no one I know did. Neither did we. Part of me is ok with that. I hate turkey and lamb. But This is a time of family. And usually M-SB and I are out at his family for this. Things around the family, life, has interfered with this. Many of them are in Toronto having family dinner without us. My car just cannot be risked for that long a drive at the moment. My own family is a bit of chaos and no one is holding a dinner and gathering of any sort. My Nanny did call and touch base with me as I have not seen her in a long time. She misses me. I need to do breakfast with her soon. I miss her too. I just have alot of trouble with her energy since my grandfather's death a coupld years ago. She is only half the woman I used to know and it is painful to be too close sometimes.
It is here that I will begin my lost of things I am thankful for.
I am thankful I still have my life despite some things that have happened in my life where that was actually at serious risk. I am thankful for the wonderful husband I have who loves me and supports me in all the things that I do, especially when no one else (family-wise) does. I am thankful that I can still walk. There were times when the pain has been so bad I worried. It comes and goes, but I can still walk. I am grateful for the roof anf food and jobs that we have. At a couple points in my life, I had none of these. You learn to appreciate them when you have known what it is like to have nothing. Some people do not know me or remember me when I had these dark times in my life, now how close these times sometimes come. I am very careful. My pride will not let me announce it to others. I try to behave like I am comfortably off. Believe hard enough and that energy will come back to you and become reality. I am thankful for the education my family gave me, even if I am not doing with it what they hoped I would. I am doing great things in my own way with it. I am grateful that I have in many ways rediscovered myself. When I left a bad relationship, I was at a point where who I was had been so stripped away that I did not know if there was anything left of me. I will never be the same. In some ways I am stronger for it. In some ways weaker. I am grateful to have survived with my me-ness and my faith still intact. I am grateful for my family and my freinds, who are there... if I need them.
Thank you for life, for love, for the road I travel. Blessed be.
It is here that I will begin my lost of things I am thankful for.
I am thankful I still have my life despite some things that have happened in my life where that was actually at serious risk. I am thankful for the wonderful husband I have who loves me and supports me in all the things that I do, especially when no one else (family-wise) does. I am thankful that I can still walk. There were times when the pain has been so bad I worried. It comes and goes, but I can still walk. I am grateful for the roof anf food and jobs that we have. At a couple points in my life, I had none of these. You learn to appreciate them when you have known what it is like to have nothing. Some people do not know me or remember me when I had these dark times in my life, now how close these times sometimes come. I am very careful. My pride will not let me announce it to others. I try to behave like I am comfortably off. Believe hard enough and that energy will come back to you and become reality. I am thankful for the education my family gave me, even if I am not doing with it what they hoped I would. I am doing great things in my own way with it. I am grateful that I have in many ways rediscovered myself. When I left a bad relationship, I was at a point where who I was had been so stripped away that I did not know if there was anything left of me. I will never be the same. In some ways I am stronger for it. In some ways weaker. I am grateful to have survived with my me-ness and my faith still intact. I am grateful for my family and my freinds, who are there... if I need them.
Thank you for life, for love, for the road I travel. Blessed be.
Root Chakra Days 10 & 11
Yesterday was a great day. I had a good lazy morning. Saturday and Sunday the husband and I did "nesting" stuff. We rearranged furniture together and planned what we want to do in the livingroom. We were essentially cleaning out and mentally building our foundation together. It made me feel so much better and so much more secure.
I realized I had a wierd unreasonable fear. I was afraid I was unloved by M-SB... that things were just comfortable and that there was little to build on together, that he had no interest on building our life together. It is stupid. It is unreasonable. It is a fear. When talks and questions come to me about how our relationship is and how the plans for our handfasting are going... I kinda lose my mind. We are still not handfasted and have yet to choose a location we want. And I feel like the foundation of our relationship is not sealed. It throws me off. I feel insecure about it all. I know I shouldn't and that it is a rediculous fear. Of course he loves me. Of course he wants to have a ceremony wth me, of course he wants to build a home and life with me, of course he wants to have a family with me. I know these things. I just lose it sometimes and worry. I will ask that people do not ask me about these things till I bring them up myself. his is obviously a big fear deep in my root chakra I need to work out. It is not easy.
This weekend's household planning with M-SB helped ease things greatly. I love him so much sometimes it hurts and I have no idea how to express it more.
Anyways. Sunday's root chakra work went far better the Friday's or Satruday morning's. I was able to ground more solidly. Today is a lazy sort of day at work. I am taking 5 minutes to blog. Next I will blog pergaps a root chakra article for the store blog. also have to walk through the store and decide on stuff for the Romani Yag event. Ok... my 5minutes is up. Back to work on this odd day of no clients. It is Thanks Giving.
Happy Thanks Giving!!
Take some time out of your day today to think about all the things youare thankful for. I will make a blog about that later.
I realized I had a wierd unreasonable fear. I was afraid I was unloved by M-SB... that things were just comfortable and that there was little to build on together, that he had no interest on building our life together. It is stupid. It is unreasonable. It is a fear. When talks and questions come to me about how our relationship is and how the plans for our handfasting are going... I kinda lose my mind. We are still not handfasted and have yet to choose a location we want. And I feel like the foundation of our relationship is not sealed. It throws me off. I feel insecure about it all. I know I shouldn't and that it is a rediculous fear. Of course he loves me. Of course he wants to have a ceremony wth me, of course he wants to build a home and life with me, of course he wants to have a family with me. I know these things. I just lose it sometimes and worry. I will ask that people do not ask me about these things till I bring them up myself. his is obviously a big fear deep in my root chakra I need to work out. It is not easy.
This weekend's household planning with M-SB helped ease things greatly. I love him so much sometimes it hurts and I have no idea how to express it more.
Anyways. Sunday's root chakra work went far better the Friday's or Satruday morning's. I was able to ground more solidly. Today is a lazy sort of day at work. I am taking 5 minutes to blog. Next I will blog pergaps a root chakra article for the store blog. also have to walk through the store and decide on stuff for the Romani Yag event. Ok... my 5minutes is up. Back to work on this odd day of no clients. It is Thanks Giving.
Happy Thanks Giving!!
Take some time out of your day today to think about all the things youare thankful for. I will make a blog about that later.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Root Chakra Day 9
I am better grounded now. I also sorta slept in till noon. The husband made breakfast for us and we sat in the livingroom talking about our future plans for rearranging the space. Then we did some cleaning. He tackled a bunch of stuff in the kitchen, I tackled the bedroom and laundry. The dishes are all done and the counters and stove are clean. The clothing is sorted by what needs new homes, what is clean and in proper places, what can be warn again because it is not really dirty, what needs to be washed, and what is washed and needed folding. The bed got stripped down, rolled over and fabreezed. M-SB is now making a graph thingy for the livingroom space. We want to be able to put in a TV and a proper sofa. He can play with layouts on paper. I got laundry started in the basement. We still need to get a dryer. It is on the list for this month. We hope to buy one at the end of the month or early next month.
We got to soend some much needed and rarey done cuddling time. I need to be cuddled. I think I lose my mind if I don't get any for a long while. It is hard for us as normally we used to do cuddling before bed, but my sleep schedule is all out of wack and I don't want to be in bed as early as he does.
*sniffs air*
Ohhh... he is making cappuccinos. I love the smell, but they make me so ill. I think I will go make a tea and have some apple pie.
Roo is having her reiki mastery graduation today. GOOD LUCK!!
We got to soend some much needed and rarey done cuddling time. I need to be cuddled. I think I lose my mind if I don't get any for a long while. It is hard for us as normally we used to do cuddling before bed, but my sleep schedule is all out of wack and I don't want to be in bed as early as he does.
*sniffs air*
Ohhh... he is making cappuccinos. I love the smell, but they make me so ill. I think I will go make a tea and have some apple pie.
Roo is having her reiki mastery graduation today. GOOD LUCK!!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Root Chakra Day 8
Last night was awesome. It was relaxing. Did some root chakra work at a friend's and then chilled for the night.
Today, however was... wierd. Scheduling chaos continued and chaotic energy ensued around me that was hard to deal with. I shielded, but I didn't want to shut people out. I had to tho. The scheduling seemed to have gotten sorted, smoothly, believe it or not! I had to do some work and as a whole felt very oddly out of sorts like something was off and not right and my anxiety was building for unknown reasons.
At 4pm, Roo and I got foot thingies... um... pedicures... done. It was wierd, ookie, interesting. I has soft feets and painted toenails. How wierd is that!!! My feet look like girl feet! Though, I have to say, I do not think I will do that again for a VERY long time. It completely messed with my grounding. I had not realized how much grounding I actually did with my feet till someone did things TO my feet. I have been freaky all evening.
I met with a covener and sorted some things out for a section of a lesson, and then chatted some. And up came a ton of crap I have been holding in. Anxiety au but! I have to seriously do something to my home and need both dedicated time and dedicated help to do it. Also, Things need planning before I lose my mind completely. One should not come home wanting to throttle their husband on a whim and without warning. That is however how I felt... still kinda feel. I want to scream in my pillow and cry alot. But what will that accomplish? Why do I have to plan things and do thing?
I don't think I am made for working 40+ hours a week between three (+) jobs. I want to kill things. I want the house to be different. And I don't want to be here. I want to cry in frustration. I know there are things in motion that may be HUGE changes for my life. But I am waiting for news. I hope I have news next week.
I think I will go lie down for a while. I need to sort the chaos of my emotions and reground.
Today, however was... wierd. Scheduling chaos continued and chaotic energy ensued around me that was hard to deal with. I shielded, but I didn't want to shut people out. I had to tho. The scheduling seemed to have gotten sorted, smoothly, believe it or not! I had to do some work and as a whole felt very oddly out of sorts like something was off and not right and my anxiety was building for unknown reasons.
At 4pm, Roo and I got foot thingies... um... pedicures... done. It was wierd, ookie, interesting. I has soft feets and painted toenails. How wierd is that!!! My feet look like girl feet! Though, I have to say, I do not think I will do that again for a VERY long time. It completely messed with my grounding. I had not realized how much grounding I actually did with my feet till someone did things TO my feet. I have been freaky all evening.
I met with a covener and sorted some things out for a section of a lesson, and then chatted some. And up came a ton of crap I have been holding in. Anxiety au but! I have to seriously do something to my home and need both dedicated time and dedicated help to do it. Also, Things need planning before I lose my mind completely. One should not come home wanting to throttle their husband on a whim and without warning. That is however how I felt... still kinda feel. I want to scream in my pillow and cry alot. But what will that accomplish? Why do I have to plan things and do thing?
I don't think I am made for working 40+ hours a week between three (+) jobs. I want to kill things. I want the house to be different. And I don't want to be here. I want to cry in frustration. I know there are things in motion that may be HUGE changes for my life. But I am waiting for news. I hope I have news next week.
I think I will go lie down for a while. I need to sort the chaos of my emotions and reground.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Root Chakra Day 7
I had a hard morning. I slept badly and had a hard time getting organized this morning. I did do some preparations for school, then rushed out to teach grade 1. I inhaled my multigrain bread with peanutbutter and honey in the car. The grade 1's were chaos! There were far far far too many special needs children in the class. A class does not function well when 25% of the class is special needs! INSANE! It is over now.
I am working out money stuff and have to book rooms and register for conferences. I have to pay bills and tickets. Today is the money focus of the root chakra. I am doing budgeting.
Several scheduling glitched happened today that have thoroughly pissed me off. This had to do with a variety of people and fields of work. I managed to sit with my mother and pin down her schedule where it involves me... finally. I have yet to meet with my coven and pin down a schedule there. And have yet to sit and sort work schedule for the store with everything.
I am running away this evening and do not want to be bothered in the night. Nothing personal. I am in a foul mood and just people in general to bugger off, thanks.
I will pack my root chakra stuff and go to a freind's house to focus on just that.
I am working out money stuff and have to book rooms and register for conferences. I have to pay bills and tickets. Today is the money focus of the root chakra. I am doing budgeting.
Several scheduling glitched happened today that have thoroughly pissed me off. This had to do with a variety of people and fields of work. I managed to sit with my mother and pin down her schedule where it involves me... finally. I have yet to meet with my coven and pin down a schedule there. And have yet to sit and sort work schedule for the store with everything.
I am running away this evening and do not want to be bothered in the night. Nothing personal. I am in a foul mood and just people in general to bugger off, thanks.
I will pack my root chakra stuff and go to a freind's house to focus on just that.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Root Chakra Day 6
This day was so very long!
Today I ate for the chakra and meditated here and there in horse stance.
I was mostly just plain busy!! Working at the store, then teaching all evening. I taught part of the Level 1 class this evening. It was so much fun! I actually... missed teaching that level.
Oh.. something spectacular came my way. Not talking too much about it yet in case it falls through. Everyone... just cross your fingers for me.
Off to bed now. Gonna to stretching and sleeping. Ahhh... the better parts of the root chakra!
Today I ate for the chakra and meditated here and there in horse stance.
I was mostly just plain busy!! Working at the store, then teaching all evening. I taught part of the Level 1 class this evening. It was so much fun! I actually... missed teaching that level.
Oh.. something spectacular came my way. Not talking too much about it yet in case it falls through. Everyone... just cross your fingers for me.
Off to bed now. Gonna to stretching and sleeping. Ahhh... the better parts of the root chakra!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Root Chakra Day 5
This was just a... day. A plain old boring grounded day. Was woken harshly by the hubby who was woken by a cat. Had a migraine till about noon. Then the day just went smoothly from there. Doing doing doing. Root chakra incense does not mix well with the manure scent outside that people are doing to their gardens. UGH! Went to curves. I chose to just let this day go by passively.
Now I am preparing for tomorrow. Animal Lore, Stone Lore, and Sabbat crafts.
Now I am preparing for tomorrow. Animal Lore, Stone Lore, and Sabbat crafts.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Root Chakra Day 4
This was a f-ed up day. Badly. I woke feeling kinda out of sorts. I didn't know why. I managed to get out to work early even. But I kept having random dizzy spells and faint spells. I had no idea why. It lasted through till about 2:30pm. I struggled through work barely able to keep track of anything.
Around 3pm I was feeling much better and lit some root chakra incense.
Later this afternoon, Roo and I booked foot treatments for ourselves for Friday at 4pm. I have never done foot things before. I am not a foot person. This will be an... interesting... experience.
i still feel unblanaced and so chose not to go work out. I didn't want to fall over or something embarrassing like that at Curves. I will have a very laid back evening. Did some stretches for the chakra. I still can't sit still. Though... I thin I will grab a little nap before dinner is ready.
Around 3pm I was feeling much better and lit some root chakra incense.
Later this afternoon, Roo and I booked foot treatments for ourselves for Friday at 4pm. I have never done foot things before. I am not a foot person. This will be an... interesting... experience.
i still feel unblanaced and so chose not to go work out. I didn't want to fall over or something embarrassing like that at Curves. I will have a very laid back evening. Did some stretches for the chakra. I still can't sit still. Though... I thin I will grab a little nap before dinner is ready.
