Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Set Back
I worked on my paper some today at work. And discovered that what I had planned will not work and I have to rework my final section all over again.
*cries*
*cries*
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Namings
The squirrels have been named!!
Dark Grey girl was neamed TWITCH by Robyn.
Silvery white girl was named MURMLES by Scarlet.
Murmles and Twitch.... kinda makes me think Lolo & Stitch... but better behaved so far.
Dark Grey girl was neamed TWITCH by Robyn.
Silvery white girl was named MURMLES by Scarlet.
Murmles and Twitch.... kinda makes me think Lolo & Stitch... but better behaved so far.
Crawling Along in Frustration
My brain is melting from my research and thus aching and about to ooze out my ears.
I am on page 22. If I had 2 solid days more of writing, I could be done.
I am not getting 2 solid days though. I have to work Wednesday and then teach in the evening.
Thursday is mine. I will pass the distractions downstairs for full use of the day.
New final goal... Friday. If I am not done Friday, I will have to go to the school and fill out paperwork requesting an INC (incomplete) grading and keep working on the paper.
Dear gods! I want to be done though.
In other news, the squirrels are doing well. Growing and getting playful.
Now if I can manage to not have them disturbed in between feedings and thinking they will get fed again... I might mange without distraction. The fussed all day today.
I need them on a certain schedule so I can get at least 5 hours of sleep when people are normally asleep (2am - 7am). With the temperatures being so cold today, the hot water bottle is just not warm enough to keep them cozy and asleep. It is also making them complaintive. They are asleep in the fold of my sweater now. This makes it awkward to move around and stuff. I need them to snooze till at least 8:30pm. Then I call in help from downstairs and we clean the cage, the bedding, and even the squirrels. I am aiming to reduce the stinkiness of them.
I have a migraine...
I ache all over...
Stupid damp chilly weather with messed up air pressures.
I had the new girl over top discuss things. She seems nice, is environmentally aware, good with gardening and cleaning... even the crazy stuff. And she is Pagan! She is also more expensive. $20/hour. She would like 3 hours a week. I can't do that. I normally did 3 hours every 2 weeks. I suggested 5 hours every two weeks. This will hurt my budget. But it might help get things here at least under control. She is away July and August. I will try this out for May and June. Then I will re-evaluate.
I am also trying to see where to fit in an extra $100 to squeaze out of my budget for another project. Not sure where that is coming from yet.
Paper first, taxes next, then ... budget re-assessment.
Sleeping squirrels in my sweater are so damned CUTE!
See... distraction!
*sigh*
I am going to take some super advils and hope they help with the other aches and such.
I am on page 22. If I had 2 solid days more of writing, I could be done.
I am not getting 2 solid days though. I have to work Wednesday and then teach in the evening.
Thursday is mine. I will pass the distractions downstairs for full use of the day.
New final goal... Friday. If I am not done Friday, I will have to go to the school and fill out paperwork requesting an INC (incomplete) grading and keep working on the paper.
Dear gods! I want to be done though.
In other news, the squirrels are doing well. Growing and getting playful.
Now if I can manage to not have them disturbed in between feedings and thinking they will get fed again... I might mange without distraction. The fussed all day today.
I need them on a certain schedule so I can get at least 5 hours of sleep when people are normally asleep (2am - 7am). With the temperatures being so cold today, the hot water bottle is just not warm enough to keep them cozy and asleep. It is also making them complaintive. They are asleep in the fold of my sweater now. This makes it awkward to move around and stuff. I need them to snooze till at least 8:30pm. Then I call in help from downstairs and we clean the cage, the bedding, and even the squirrels. I am aiming to reduce the stinkiness of them.
I have a migraine...
I ache all over...
Stupid damp chilly weather with messed up air pressures.
I had the new girl over top discuss things. She seems nice, is environmentally aware, good with gardening and cleaning... even the crazy stuff. And she is Pagan! She is also more expensive. $20/hour. She would like 3 hours a week. I can't do that. I normally did 3 hours every 2 weeks. I suggested 5 hours every two weeks. This will hurt my budget. But it might help get things here at least under control. She is away July and August. I will try this out for May and June. Then I will re-evaluate.
I am also trying to see where to fit in an extra $100 to squeaze out of my budget for another project. Not sure where that is coming from yet.
Paper first, taxes next, then ... budget re-assessment.
Sleeping squirrels in my sweater are so damned CUTE!
See... distraction!
*sigh*
I am going to take some super advils and hope they help with the other aches and such.
Monday, April 28, 2008
In SquirrelVille Today
Here is an update on the squirrels. Since the 24th, they have grown a half size. SERIOUSLY! Both now leem viable. I was worried about the dark grey one. And they eat lots... well suckle a ton from the syringe. The grey one needs to eat a bit more often than the white, but the white eat twice as much.
I don't need to encourgae them to pee or poo... they are doing that just fine on their own. And have learned to use it as a vindictive tactic too! The white one was getting too excited crowling about and tried to shove the grey off the syringe because she was hungry, so into the carrier she went to wait her turn. She climbed up on the bars and peed at me! Bad girl!
So later this evening full bathing and all is on the list. I am hoping to get some extra hands to help. The babies are very curous and want to be all over right now. Must see and touch and cuddle EVERYTHING! The cats are not so sure about this. They were cute and potential toys when they were squirmy. Now that they are active... it is a bit scary... at least to the cats.
Update on the paper. I am so sick of the readings! Although, I have at least come up with a game plan for this last section:
- intro concepts of Anatman (no soul)
- delailed analysis of the entire "Examination of Self and Other Entities" verses from Nagarjuna
- conclude
Off to prep that intro.
Planning on having breakfast for supper. Mmmm... eggs and sausages and beans and toast.
I don't need to encourgae them to pee or poo... they are doing that just fine on their own. And have learned to use it as a vindictive tactic too! The white one was getting too excited crowling about and tried to shove the grey off the syringe because she was hungry, so into the carrier she went to wait her turn. She climbed up on the bars and peed at me! Bad girl!
So later this evening full bathing and all is on the list. I am hoping to get some extra hands to help. The babies are very curous and want to be all over right now. Must see and touch and cuddle EVERYTHING! The cats are not so sure about this. They were cute and potential toys when they were squirmy. Now that they are active... it is a bit scary... at least to the cats.
Update on the paper. I am so sick of the readings! Although, I have at least come up with a game plan for this last section:
- intro concepts of Anatman (no soul)
- delailed analysis of the entire "Examination of Self and Other Entities" verses from Nagarjuna
- conclude
Off to prep that intro.
Planning on having breakfast for supper. Mmmm... eggs and sausages and beans and toast.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Just an update
No... no paper progress.... yet.
The squirrels are still alive. Eyes are open on both squirrels. Tho the dork one eats much much less than the light one. I will call the Ecomuseum on Thursday and see if they can take them. Providing both live that long. The white one I am sure will. The dark grey one... Sometimes I think so and somethines I am not sure.
Anyways. Today was our public ritual. It went better than I expected since we didn't have as much practice time as I really would have liked for a SUPER formal ritual. Much of it was new for even us. But we so wanted to share it and work with this new set of calls and such. Got a criticism that we really should have taken the time to practice and memorize it. It was the original plan, but life threw us all curves and that didn't work out as well. I wanted to be growly about the comment because our coven has been through hel and back with work and school and life and we still mustered ourselves for our ritual anyways instead of copping out on everyone. *sigh* It is ture, we should have memorized, it would have made for a very powerful ritual. I am not sure what makes me more growly about the comment. Actually, I think I do... and it has nothing to do with anyone.
Well, I have had some time away from my paper. I must get back to it. The unseasonally HOT day is making me ill. As is the lack of sleep last night. I have no idea why I woke at 7am when I could have slept till 9am. I only had 4 hours sleep. I just grabbed a 2hr nap just now. I am feeling a bit better, tho still meh. Making dinner and sitting down to do my research round 1.
I want to thank Roo for coming out and lending her support. I also want to thank her for handling Monday for me so I can write. Goal is to be DONE tomorrow night. Gonna go outside right now and tie my wish cloth.
The squirrels are still alive. Eyes are open on both squirrels. Tho the dork one eats much much less than the light one. I will call the Ecomuseum on Thursday and see if they can take them. Providing both live that long. The white one I am sure will. The dark grey one... Sometimes I think so and somethines I am not sure.
Anyways. Today was our public ritual. It went better than I expected since we didn't have as much practice time as I really would have liked for a SUPER formal ritual. Much of it was new for even us. But we so wanted to share it and work with this new set of calls and such. Got a criticism that we really should have taken the time to practice and memorize it. It was the original plan, but life threw us all curves and that didn't work out as well. I wanted to be growly about the comment because our coven has been through hel and back with work and school and life and we still mustered ourselves for our ritual anyways instead of copping out on everyone. *sigh* It is ture, we should have memorized, it would have made for a very powerful ritual. I am not sure what makes me more growly about the comment. Actually, I think I do... and it has nothing to do with anyone.
Well, I have had some time away from my paper. I must get back to it. The unseasonally HOT day is making me ill. As is the lack of sleep last night. I have no idea why I woke at 7am when I could have slept till 9am. I only had 4 hours sleep. I just grabbed a 2hr nap just now. I am feeling a bit better, tho still meh. Making dinner and sitting down to do my research round 1.
I want to thank Roo for coming out and lending her support. I also want to thank her for handling Monday for me so I can write. Goal is to be DONE tomorrow night. Gonna go outside right now and tie my wish cloth.
Update
The squirrels are both girls. I made a mistake.
The dark one is still struggling to live.
I will nurse them through till Thursday and then see how they are.
Most things are prepped for the ritual. I hope people figure out that rain and soggy ground means the ritual has moved to the backup location.
Squirrels will have to come with since they have a feeding just before the ritual starts.
Then home to paper and more paper. I have not worked on it at all since my last post about it. I needed a mental break. Too many stressful things taking up my thought processes. Once the ritual is over, there is less taking up my thought processes.
See you all tomorrow at the ritual 1pm upstairs at Melange Magique. Also... it is a Sabbat Sale day!
The dark one is still struggling to live.
I will nurse them through till Thursday and then see how they are.
Most things are prepped for the ritual. I hope people figure out that rain and soggy ground means the ritual has moved to the backup location.
Squirrels will have to come with since they have a feeding just before the ritual starts.
Then home to paper and more paper. I have not worked on it at all since my last post about it. I needed a mental break. Too many stressful things taking up my thought processes. Once the ritual is over, there is less taking up my thought processes.
See you all tomorrow at the ritual 1pm upstairs at Melange Magique. Also... it is a Sabbat Sale day!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Progress Report
I have completed another paper section. Emptiness. I think I have said nothin.g... hmmm... that might make a good closing quote for sheer humor in my paper.
Next sextion is all about the concept of the self. MY MAIN TOPIC! I will be constantly referring back the concepts I have discussed throughout the paper. Thank gods... The end is near! I am on page 20. Unfortunately, I will not be done tonight as I had hoped. I might have if I hadn't have lost ALL of yesterday and a chunk of today due to ... life. Next hopeful goal is to hand in on Monday. I wonder if I can get replaced at work again. Ouch... that is starting to really hurt the budget. Maybe I won't ask to have the day off. Let's see how things go over the weekend.
I need a mental break.
Arin came and helped out with the care of the baby squirrels. Deflead and fed. And fed again.
Tonight I will try to do the research on the SELF to get at least something done on the topic.
Tomorrow:
- paper reading and maybe some writing
- baking for the ritual
- Norwex event @3pm (I'll hve to leave early as I had it planned for 1pm not 3pm)
- visit M-SB's sister for a BBQ and seeing the new baby again
- packing for the ritual and reviewing the ritual
Sunday:
- ritual prep
- ritual
- paper writing
Monday:
- paper writing
- maybe working
- maybe teaching, though I don't think I have a class
- with luck, handing in the paper!
Next sextion is all about the concept of the self. MY MAIN TOPIC! I will be constantly referring back the concepts I have discussed throughout the paper. Thank gods... The end is near! I am on page 20. Unfortunately, I will not be done tonight as I had hoped. I might have if I hadn't have lost ALL of yesterday and a chunk of today due to ... life. Next hopeful goal is to hand in on Monday. I wonder if I can get replaced at work again. Ouch... that is starting to really hurt the budget. Maybe I won't ask to have the day off. Let's see how things go over the weekend.
I need a mental break.
Arin came and helped out with the care of the baby squirrels. Deflead and fed. And fed again.
Tonight I will try to do the research on the SELF to get at least something done on the topic.
Tomorrow:
- paper reading and maybe some writing
- baking for the ritual
- Norwex event @3pm (I'll hve to leave early as I had it planned for 1pm not 3pm)
- visit M-SB's sister for a BBQ and seeing the new baby again
- packing for the ritual and reviewing the ritual
Sunday:
- ritual prep
- ritual
- paper writing
Monday:
- paper writing
- maybe working
- maybe teaching, though I don't think I have a class
- with luck, handing in the paper!
Adventures in SquirrelVille 2
There are now 2 squirrels. Looks like the nesting birds pushed it out.
It was SUPER skinny. Still is. It will get fed every hour or 2 till it is less deathly looking.
It seems like I will have one albino and one grey as the new brother is way darker.
So... Jess... if you wanted a squirrel...
It was SUPER skinny. Still is. It will get fed every hour or 2 till it is less deathly looking.
It seems like I will have one albino and one grey as the new brother is way darker.
So... Jess... if you wanted a squirrel...
One Thing After Another...
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
Everyone and everything GO THE FUCK AWAY!
*sigh*
Now i have plumbers and stuff and tending the neighbors while they are there because there is water leaking AGAIN. I am never getting this damned paper done!
Everyone and everything GO THE FUCK AWAY!
*sigh*
Now i have plumbers and stuff and tending the neighbors while they are there because there is water leaking AGAIN. I am never getting this damned paper done!
First good news of the day!
Ok... maybe the second. The first was that the squirrel was still alive when I woke up and the little guy had no apparent fleea and ate lots happily.
The second good news of the day...
We have our fire permit!!! YAY!!!
I need to have a metal sheet or non-cumbustible platform for the cauldron and three buckets of water around the fire. They are faxing my permit today! HUZZAH! Our ritual will have its fire permit! SQUEEE!
Ok... off to do errends and get back for the paper.
The second good news of the day...
We have our fire permit!!! YAY!!!
I need to have a metal sheet or non-cumbustible platform for the cauldron and three buckets of water around the fire. They are faxing my permit today! HUZZAH! Our ritual will have its fire permit! SQUEEE!
Ok... off to do errends and get back for the paper.
Adventures in SquirrelVille
Yesterday just more and more interesting...
We found out who did the fraud on my husband and ruined his credit rating. It is who we thought it was. Things are now in the process of being fixed. There is a bunch of shocked and hurt and angry here. But we will live. There will be no laon applying for till this is completely sorted. Patience. We weren't desperate anyways.
In the evening, We discovered a squirrel who had fallen from its nest in the tree out our back yard. It had fallen earlier in the day and was crying all day. We tried to leave it be to see if it would manage to climb back up to its nest. If we touched it the mother would no longer care for it. By sundown, it no longer had the strength to climb and the local stray and outdoor cats were getting too interested. So, now I have a baby pet squirrel. It is male and unnamed. It will remain unnamed until I am sure it will live. It was very skin and bones and dehydrated when I took him... and very flea-ridden. I went out and got flea powder and formula for him. He is 5 weeks old. His eyes are not yet opened. He currently lives in my cat spare carrier with a couple towels and a hot water bottle to keep him warm. M-SB is so funny. He is new to crtters and stressed about diseases and washing incessantly. The little guy ate twice last night and pees and poos on his own. He is very white to be a grey colored squirrel, but I am fairly sure he will darken. It would be cool if he stayed this pale silvery though. If he lives through Sunday, we will see about a vet visit for diseases. Try to find a cheap volunteer vet or something. If he lives through till Thursday, I will name him and see about a cage. There are laws against owning a squirrel. Technically you can't keep one for more than 48hrs. However, the SPCA and Berger Blanche will euthanize him. I am now looking into rehab centers to see if any will take him, as well as doing research into how to properly care for and rehabilitate a baby squirrel. For now... deflead and eating about every 5 hours. Still dehydrated but looking better than yesterday already. I'll keep you all posted on the progress.
I did ZERO paper yesterday. So today I need to do paper BADLY! Here's praying there are no more crises. I am just waiting till 9am so I can go to the grocery store and pick up some stuff for the weekend. Cleaning girl comes today, THANK GODS! This is also her last day. She leaves back for Australia tomorrow. Sad sad sad! I really liked her. I met someone else who might be a decent replacement and who also does gardens. Bonus for me! She will be coming over on Tusday for assess and give me an estimate.
I guess I will go make breakfast... and set up for my paper.
Oh... and do more laundry.
We found out who did the fraud on my husband and ruined his credit rating. It is who we thought it was. Things are now in the process of being fixed. There is a bunch of shocked and hurt and angry here. But we will live. There will be no laon applying for till this is completely sorted. Patience. We weren't desperate anyways.
In the evening, We discovered a squirrel who had fallen from its nest in the tree out our back yard. It had fallen earlier in the day and was crying all day. We tried to leave it be to see if it would manage to climb back up to its nest. If we touched it the mother would no longer care for it. By sundown, it no longer had the strength to climb and the local stray and outdoor cats were getting too interested. So, now I have a baby pet squirrel. It is male and unnamed. It will remain unnamed until I am sure it will live. It was very skin and bones and dehydrated when I took him... and very flea-ridden. I went out and got flea powder and formula for him. He is 5 weeks old. His eyes are not yet opened. He currently lives in my cat spare carrier with a couple towels and a hot water bottle to keep him warm. M-SB is so funny. He is new to crtters and stressed about diseases and washing incessantly. The little guy ate twice last night and pees and poos on his own. He is very white to be a grey colored squirrel, but I am fairly sure he will darken. It would be cool if he stayed this pale silvery though. If he lives through Sunday, we will see about a vet visit for diseases. Try to find a cheap volunteer vet or something. If he lives through till Thursday, I will name him and see about a cage. There are laws against owning a squirrel. Technically you can't keep one for more than 48hrs. However, the SPCA and Berger Blanche will euthanize him. I am now looking into rehab centers to see if any will take him, as well as doing research into how to properly care for and rehabilitate a baby squirrel. For now... deflead and eating about every 5 hours. Still dehydrated but looking better than yesterday already. I'll keep you all posted on the progress.
I did ZERO paper yesterday. So today I need to do paper BADLY! Here's praying there are no more crises. I am just waiting till 9am so I can go to the grocery store and pick up some stuff for the weekend. Cleaning girl comes today, THANK GODS! This is also her last day. She leaves back for Australia tomorrow. Sad sad sad! I really liked her. I met someone else who might be a decent replacement and who also does gardens. Bonus for me! She will be coming over on Tusday for assess and give me an estimate.
I guess I will go make breakfast... and set up for my paper.
Oh... and do more laundry.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Lost Day? *cry*
This day has been lost so far and thinking aoubt the paper has been the last thing on my mind.
I spent the morning sitting in Angrignon Park drawing the ritual space. Then lunch writing up the details about the fire we are using in the ritual and faxing it to the Fire Department. Then I went to see about a loan, but I don't make quite enough money to be approved. I am ok with that. Denied, but ok. Though, tried to have M-SB co-sign... and that is where the day got lost. Identity Theft has hit him. Someone took out a credit card and it has gone to collection as a write-off bad debt in his credit histroy. The notation was March 2008. We are stunned. We are trying to sort it out. It isn't any of our faults. We are hoping is isn't the fault of the person whose address the card was issued to.
At the moment. We are several thousand in debt with a company we have never dealt with before. M-SB is furious. He's been trying to sort it out while at his insane job where he STILL has no reliable help. No... the hired person never showed. This is the 3rd time a hired person never returned. It is like the 10th interview too. M-SB is losing his mind.
I just spent the last 30minutes driving around LaSalle trying to find an address that actually doesn't house the financial office of this credit card and then managing to get through by phone to someone who was able to assist. We shall see how it pans out.
My head is so not in paper mode.
I will go do some laundry and maybe sit outside or something...
hmmm... tea... ya... tea...
Then going to make lasagna for supper.
I spent the morning sitting in Angrignon Park drawing the ritual space. Then lunch writing up the details about the fire we are using in the ritual and faxing it to the Fire Department. Then I went to see about a loan, but I don't make quite enough money to be approved. I am ok with that. Denied, but ok. Though, tried to have M-SB co-sign... and that is where the day got lost. Identity Theft has hit him. Someone took out a credit card and it has gone to collection as a write-off bad debt in his credit histroy. The notation was March 2008. We are stunned. We are trying to sort it out. It isn't any of our faults. We are hoping is isn't the fault of the person whose address the card was issued to.
At the moment. We are several thousand in debt with a company we have never dealt with before. M-SB is furious. He's been trying to sort it out while at his insane job where he STILL has no reliable help. No... the hired person never showed. This is the 3rd time a hired person never returned. It is like the 10th interview too. M-SB is losing his mind.
I just spent the last 30minutes driving around LaSalle trying to find an address that actually doesn't house the financial office of this credit card and then managing to get through by phone to someone who was able to assist. We shall see how it pans out.
My head is so not in paper mode.
I will go do some laundry and maybe sit outside or something...
hmmm... tea... ya... tea...
Then going to make lasagna for supper.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
OOooooo... AAAAaaaaaaa...
http://www.therefinedfeline.com/index.htm
I am so bugging my daddy now!
He needs to finish my Pai Sho board and then make some of these for me!
I am so bugging my daddy now!
He needs to finish my Pai Sho board and then make some of these for me!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Feeling Accomplished
I have finished the section on Eternalism and Nihilism.
Done the foundational concelpt.
On page 18.
HUZZAH!
Onward to essencelessmess and the self!
tomorrow....
Done the foundational concelpt.
On page 18.
HUZZAH!
Onward to essencelessmess and the self!
tomorrow....
Drudge... drag... drudge...
I don't wanna write anymore!
NOOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooooo!
I want to go outside and rollerskate and play!
Ok... maybe not. The air pressure is making my eyeballs feel like they are being squished.
I took advil and chased it down with an energy drink.
I wrote a bit of fanfic.
Now to write some paper. Going to finish the bit on nihilism and eternalism.
Tomorrow I have to stay after work while CMS-L1 continues. Thank you Karyn for being such an understanding student. I will be working on my paper while I wait for the CMSL1 to finish. That means I have to bring the laptop and all the material on Emptiness, the next topic.
Thursday and Friday... I have nothing... no commitments. And no one can ask any of me. They are back to back writing days. I hope to finish the section on SELF/SELFLESSNESS by the end of Friday. Let's all pray I do. I am currently on page 17.... of 25 pages.
NOOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooooo!
I want to go outside and rollerskate and play!
Ok... maybe not. The air pressure is making my eyeballs feel like they are being squished.
I took advil and chased it down with an energy drink.
I wrote a bit of fanfic.
Now to write some paper. Going to finish the bit on nihilism and eternalism.
Tomorrow I have to stay after work while CMS-L1 continues. Thank you Karyn for being such an understanding student. I will be working on my paper while I wait for the CMSL1 to finish. That means I have to bring the laptop and all the material on Emptiness, the next topic.
Thursday and Friday... I have nothing... no commitments. And no one can ask any of me. They are back to back writing days. I hope to finish the section on SELF/SELFLESSNESS by the end of Friday. Let's all pray I do. I am currently on page 17.... of 25 pages.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Moving along
I managed about 3 hours sleep this morning between 7 and 10am. I am less grr than I was at the time of the previous post.
I wrote some fanfic to give my brain a change of pace.
I updated the Beltain ritual and sent it off to folks.
I started the research on nihiliam vs eternalism.
Now I am going to make some phone calls about the fire permit as they haven't called back yet.
Then moving along some more on the paper research.
My teacher emailed me. He is being very generous. He will give me an "In Progress" note and grade my paper later. He said to try to get it in by Friday or end of month at the latest. So that is the goal. Friday. My coming Wednesday is a lost paper day due to other commitments.
I ordered come tea from china to make me feel better.
Oh! And I remembered something that made me smile. When I was teaching grade 3 last week, the kids were all excited about my tattoos. Needless to say, I had to spend some morning teaching time doing show and tell about them and teaching the kids how to write the kanji. They begged me to find the kanji for respect over the lunch time. I did. In the afternoonm we had a discussion about the words: Honor, Love, and Respect. It went well after the Moral Class on respect and peer pressure. So, I wrote the words and kanji on the chalkboard. Then I asked everyone what they meant. One little girl blew my mind. Emma raised her hand with a bright friendly smile. I nodded to her and she said, "They are related. Honor need Love and Respect, Love needs Honor and Respect. And Respect needs love and Honor. You can't really have one without the other two." Then the kids gave examples of honor, of love and of respect. It was incredible. That girl is WAY AHEAD of her class in comprehension of complex concepts. Anyways. It made me smile. And every time I remember the experience, I smile and feel proud that I am a teach and touch lives and am touched in turn. Thank you little Emma.
I wrote some fanfic to give my brain a change of pace.
I updated the Beltain ritual and sent it off to folks.
I started the research on nihiliam vs eternalism.
Now I am going to make some phone calls about the fire permit as they haven't called back yet.
Then moving along some more on the paper research.
My teacher emailed me. He is being very generous. He will give me an "In Progress" note and grade my paper later. He said to try to get it in by Friday or end of month at the latest. So that is the goal. Friday. My coming Wednesday is a lost paper day due to other commitments.
I ordered come tea from china to make me feel better.
Oh! And I remembered something that made me smile. When I was teaching grade 3 last week, the kids were all excited about my tattoos. Needless to say, I had to spend some morning teaching time doing show and tell about them and teaching the kids how to write the kanji. They begged me to find the kanji for respect over the lunch time. I did. In the afternoonm we had a discussion about the words: Honor, Love, and Respect. It went well after the Moral Class on respect and peer pressure. So, I wrote the words and kanji on the chalkboard. Then I asked everyone what they meant. One little girl blew my mind. Emma raised her hand with a bright friendly smile. I nodded to her and she said, "They are related. Honor need Love and Respect, Love needs Honor and Respect. And Respect needs love and Honor. You can't really have one without the other two." Then the kids gave examples of honor, of love and of respect. It was incredible. That girl is WAY AHEAD of her class in comprehension of complex concepts. Anyways. It made me smile. And every time I remember the experience, I smile and feel proud that I am a teach and touch lives and am touched in turn. Thank you little Emma.
Rawr... fucking rawr
There are times when I wonder why the fuck I even bother.
I am a light sleeper.
Every noise waked me.
Mark rolling over in his sleep waked me.
I couldn't sleep.
So at 3am I wrote a chapter of my fanfic.
The geckos woke me every hour with what I have no fucking idea why she rattled her tail or why they romped so noisily around their tank exciting the cats.
The cats played with everything... and then found new toys for themselves.
It is past 5am and I am still awake. Tsuki got a beating for walking on me after he woke me with new new toy hunt and stuff and is now locked in a box. I will let him out when I think I can touch him without fucking strangling him to death.
I want to hate and kill everything and every one.
RAWR!
Let me fucking sleep!
I am a light sleeper.
Every noise waked me.
Mark rolling over in his sleep waked me.
I couldn't sleep.
So at 3am I wrote a chapter of my fanfic.
The geckos woke me every hour with what I have no fucking idea why she rattled her tail or why they romped so noisily around their tank exciting the cats.
The cats played with everything... and then found new toys for themselves.
It is past 5am and I am still awake. Tsuki got a beating for walking on me after he woke me with new new toy hunt and stuff and is now locked in a box. I will let him out when I think I can touch him without fucking strangling him to death.
I want to hate and kill everything and every one.
RAWR!
Let me fucking sleep!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Another notch off the paper...
I have moved pat the section on truth. I am on Page 16 with 10 more pages to go. The next topic to tackle is the extremes. The extremes in Madhyamaka buddhism are nihilism and eternalism.
I need a mental break. But breaktime is not yet here. Maybe I will go tag all the sections in my research that refer to the topic at hand.
Then... hmmm... maybe write a chapter in the writing guide for the teens. Then maybe a fanfic chapter.
Oh... and have to update the public ritual script and get it out to folks that need it.
Anyways... onward ho!
I need a mental break. But breaktime is not yet here. Maybe I will go tag all the sections in my research that refer to the topic at hand.
Then... hmmm... maybe write a chapter in the writing guide for the teens. Then maybe a fanfic chapter.
Oh... and have to update the public ritual script and get it out to folks that need it.
Anyways... onward ho!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Passed Half-way
I have passed the half-way point in my paper!
I am still writing about conventional truth, but I am on page 13 of 25 pages.
Plan is to be done by Monday or Wednesday.
Many thanks to folks who have been replacing me at work to let me do this stupid paper.
Our coven public ritual looks good and flows smoothly. Got some groceries and there is a Dairy Queen Crispy Crunch Blizzard in the freezer as a reward for when I am done writing about conventional truth and move onto ultimate truth. I was subject to the arising of my craving for Dairy Queen. I will never become enlightened for I am stuck in my conventional world of desires. Meh... So what.
Back to paper for the weekend.
I am still writing about conventional truth, but I am on page 13 of 25 pages.
Plan is to be done by Monday or Wednesday.
Many thanks to folks who have been replacing me at work to let me do this stupid paper.
Our coven public ritual looks good and flows smoothly. Got some groceries and there is a Dairy Queen Crispy Crunch Blizzard in the freezer as a reward for when I am done writing about conventional truth and move onto ultimate truth. I was subject to the arising of my craving for Dairy Queen. I will never become enlightened for I am stuck in my conventional world of desires. Meh... So what.
Back to paper for the weekend.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Word for dragging thru mud?
I feel like I am slowly dragging my brain thru mud. I wish there was a word for that feeling.
I have been reading and reading stuff on conventional truth and absolute truth. I need to summarize and contextualize this in less that 2 pages.
I hate that absolutely nothing else gets done around this stupid paper. At least I escaoed for a few hours. I went to the Gem Show and managed to find a few things I was looking for. I now have a big carnelian for my navel chakra box. I never found the amber I wanted. I did discover cinnebar and now have a long strand of cinnabar chips wrapped around my right wrist. Cinnebar is used in Taoist alchemy and immortality magic. I had the deep urge to have cinnabar and could not walk away without buying several things (the strand of beads, a large carved bead, and a rough piece that is a vein in opal).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinnabar
http://www.beadfx.com/catalogue/cinnabar.php
http://www.cst.cmich.edu/users/dietr1rv/cinnabar.htm
Anyways... dinner is done being eaten... back to my paper.
I have been reading and reading stuff on conventional truth and absolute truth. I need to summarize and contextualize this in less that 2 pages.
I hate that absolutely nothing else gets done around this stupid paper. At least I escaoed for a few hours. I went to the Gem Show and managed to find a few things I was looking for. I now have a big carnelian for my navel chakra box. I never found the amber I wanted. I did discover cinnebar and now have a long strand of cinnabar chips wrapped around my right wrist. Cinnebar is used in Taoist alchemy and immortality magic. I had the deep urge to have cinnabar and could not walk away without buying several things (the strand of beads, a large carved bead, and a rough piece that is a vein in opal).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinnabar
http://www.beadfx.com/catalogue/cinnabar.php
http://www.cst.cmich.edu/users/dietr1rv/cinnabar.htm
Anyways... dinner is done being eaten... back to my paper.
Small Failures
Well nothing accomplished so far. I fail.
I could not manage to get myself pout of bed and functioning for more than a few minutes at a time. I had zero functional energy. I was kinda awake... just felt like I could not move much or think clearly.
I am up now though. Gonna try to get the research done at least for the two truths.
Then off to the bank and to the gem show for a short bit.
When I come home the goal is to write the two truths.
I have to email my teacher. He emailed me asking when I will be done. I have no fucking idea.
I feel like a complete failure.
I could not manage to get myself pout of bed and functioning for more than a few minutes at a time. I had zero functional energy. I was kinda awake... just felt like I could not move much or think clearly.
I am up now though. Gonna try to get the research done at least for the two truths.
Then off to the bank and to the gem show for a short bit.
When I come home the goal is to write the two truths.
I have to email my teacher. He emailed me asking when I will be done. I have no fucking idea.
I feel like a complete failure.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
small victories
I have completed a small section of my paper. I have finished the core foundational stuff and am now talking about the Mahayana foundational stuff. The four Noble Truths are finished. The discussion on dependant arising is done.
Next: conventional and ultimate reality and truth (Friday)
Then: Eternalism vs Nihilism (Friday)
And then: essencelesness (Saturday)
AND THEN: I discuss the core of my paper being that there is no self or something like that.
(Weekend)
I am aiming to be done by Sunday night. Work and other commitments might interfere with that. Realistically, I think it will be done Wednesday night. Maybe I can manage a day or two off work again this week. That will hurt the budget... but will help my paper enormously.
Next: conventional and ultimate reality and truth (Friday)
Then: Eternalism vs Nihilism (Friday)
And then: essencelesness (Saturday)
AND THEN: I discuss the core of my paper being that there is no self or something like that.
(Weekend)
I am aiming to be done by Sunday night. Work and other commitments might interfere with that. Realistically, I think it will be done Wednesday night. Maybe I can manage a day or two off work again this week. That will hurt the budget... but will help my paper enormously.
Recall
Hi everyone...
If I loaned you something... can you please get it back to me?
I am tryng to find some things that are just not locatable.
Namely my DVD of Memoirs of a Geisha.
Gonna cry.
If I loaned you something... can you please get it back to me?
I am tryng to find some things that are just not locatable.
Namely my DVD of Memoirs of a Geisha.
Gonna cry.
Day Gone
This has been a mostly lost day.
I actually slept last night... like the DEAD! I struggled to find breakfast and resigned to a croissant on the way out. I snatched up Hobbes on the way to Champlain College. We co-taught the hour long quick lecture. It went AMAZING! I have talked to this class once a year for the last few years and this one went the best! Thanks Hobbes! It could not have been this amazing without you!
The shock came when I was informed that we would not get paid as I have been every year. It would have been nice to know in advance. I would still have taught the class for no pay, i just like to know so I am not budgeting or anything. The shame was that gas is so effing expencive that the pay for this guest lecture would have only really covered gas. It was disappointing.
On the up... we got to surprise the exiled King of Canada at his temporary work (you know... what he does while waiting for the world to remember that he is the King). He gave us a little tour of his art department. He has this office all his own (actually shared with someone i think) that is like a greenhouse! Awesome to see ya! HUGS!
Hobbes and I then went to have sushi at Cafe Yi which i have been craving for a little while. We relaxed and chatted about upcoming conferences and stuff. I got home for about almost 5pm.
Then my energy crapped out. I napped. Only for 2 hours.
I get up and OMG 7pm and IT IS STILL SUNNY AND HOT OUT!!
This is cheery.
I will go write paper now.
I actually slept last night... like the DEAD! I struggled to find breakfast and resigned to a croissant on the way out. I snatched up Hobbes on the way to Champlain College. We co-taught the hour long quick lecture. It went AMAZING! I have talked to this class once a year for the last few years and this one went the best! Thanks Hobbes! It could not have been this amazing without you!
The shock came when I was informed that we would not get paid as I have been every year. It would have been nice to know in advance. I would still have taught the class for no pay, i just like to know so I am not budgeting or anything. The shame was that gas is so effing expencive that the pay for this guest lecture would have only really covered gas. It was disappointing.
On the up... we got to surprise the exiled King of Canada at his temporary work (you know... what he does while waiting for the world to remember that he is the King). He gave us a little tour of his art department. He has this office all his own (actually shared with someone i think) that is like a greenhouse! Awesome to see ya! HUGS!
Hobbes and I then went to have sushi at Cafe Yi which i have been craving for a little while. We relaxed and chatted about upcoming conferences and stuff. I got home for about almost 5pm.
Then my energy crapped out. I napped. Only for 2 hours.
I get up and OMG 7pm and IT IS STILL SUNNY AND HOT OUT!!
This is cheery.
I will go write paper now.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Ruby Zoizite
I just bought this stone... now I see why...
Metaphysical Properties
This powerful stone transmutes negativity into positive energy. It relieves lethargy and boostsphysical energy. It offers stamina to the mental processes, facilitating advancements of thewearer's goals. Ruby often grows in zoisite matrix and the addition of ruby creates an energetic combination of stones helps to reach and maintain trance states, stimulating the mind and andpowerfully amplifying both mental and psychic talents. It helps the wearer to maintain both their individuality and their connection to others, as it awakens the crown chakra.
Metaphysical Properties
This powerful stone transmutes negativity into positive energy. It relieves lethargy and boostsphysical energy. It offers stamina to the mental processes, facilitating advancements of thewearer's goals. Ruby often grows in zoisite matrix and the addition of ruby creates an energetic combination of stones helps to reach and maintain trance states, stimulating the mind and andpowerfully amplifying both mental and psychic talents. It helps the wearer to maintain both their individuality and their connection to others, as it awakens the crown chakra.
feel like i'm going to die
I can hardle focus straight.
I am so tired. These 6am days are killing me.
I just got back from teaching. It went well.
I am so exhausted and feel like i am going to die.
I still have to pack up all my termpaper stuff and head downtown to be there till 9pm.
I just want to nap for 4 hours.
*cries*
Need to work on paper and plan a lecture for tomorrow.
*cries more*
I am so tired. These 6am days are killing me.
I just got back from teaching. It went well.
I am so exhausted and feel like i am going to die.
I still have to pack up all my termpaper stuff and head downtown to be there till 9pm.
I just want to nap for 4 hours.
*cries*
Need to work on paper and plan a lecture for tomorrow.
*cries more*
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Taking back progress report
I thought I would be done causation section of my paper tonight. NOPE! *sigh* All part of that multitasking thing.
I called to cancel room reservation in New York as that vacation was cancelled.
I did some piddly banking.
I looked up the times for teaching tomorrow.
I made arrangements for Gaia Gathering.
I ate dinner.
Then I spent most of my time researching and skimming.
I had Syl over to review the ritual so he will be ready for Saturdays rehearsal. That took some time out of writing.
I wrote about half a page. Guess I will be doing causation section tomorrow.
*groan*
I called to cancel room reservation in New York as that vacation was cancelled.
I did some piddly banking.
I looked up the times for teaching tomorrow.
I made arrangements for Gaia Gathering.
I ate dinner.
Then I spent most of my time researching and skimming.
I had Syl over to review the ritual so he will be ready for Saturdays rehearsal. That took some time out of writing.
I wrote about half a page. Guess I will be doing causation section tomorrow.
*groan*
I love my brother...
And will so have to bring somthing cool for him!
He has graciously opened his home to me and Roo so we have a free place to sleep during the Gaia Gathering Conference. This is a HUGE relief. The past few days have turned up "Sorry, we have no availability here for that weekend" at the several places I tried to book us in.
Thank you Chris!
Now back to slogging thru my research and paper writing...
He has graciously opened his home to me and Roo so we have a free place to sleep during the Gaia Gathering Conference. This is a HUGE relief. The past few days have turned up "Sorry, we have no availability here for that weekend" at the several places I tried to book us in.
Thank you Chris!
Now back to slogging thru my research and paper writing...
Update so far...
Finished the Fourth Noble Truth.
Today at work went smoothly and Roo met with the seller who had incredible stones and stuff. I now own a Ruby Zeozite (Zoezite... SP?!) and some chakra gifties for folks. Then I finished the Fourth Noble Truth very easily.
I reviewed noted and the goals for the paper have changed. Tonight I will be working on Causation & Dependant Arising (also known as Conditioned Genesis or Dependant Origination) as merged topics. That cuts a bunch from my witing and research. I may even be able to tap into the Two Truths.
So Wednesday can focus on the two truths and the extremes.
Thursday will be the Extremes and Emptiness.
That means Friday is all the remainder of the paper.
It looks possible that I will have a paper finished by the end of the weekend.
I am still stressed and in a stupid amount of pain in a variety of places. I desperately need a back massage. Not like I will get one though. *pout* I hate to ask for one. *sigh*
This is a stressful week as I also don't get a paycheck and have to tap into the piddly bit of emergency money to do the things I want/need to do. It will balance out once I get paid for teaching... I just need to wait patiently. I think when I am done the paper, the next BIG focus is taxes. After taxes... I will treat myself to a REAL massage or something. You know, by someone who is qualified and will garuntee me a whole hour of bliss and relaxation.
Oh... Gem Show this weekend, in case you forgot. I am on the hunt for a large carnelian and a fluorite wand.
I also really hope that M-SB has found someone to help him at work. His stress is stressing me too.
Today at work went smoothly and Roo met with the seller who had incredible stones and stuff. I now own a Ruby Zeozite (Zoezite... SP?!) and some chakra gifties for folks. Then I finished the Fourth Noble Truth very easily.
I reviewed noted and the goals for the paper have changed. Tonight I will be working on Causation & Dependant Arising (also known as Conditioned Genesis or Dependant Origination) as merged topics. That cuts a bunch from my witing and research. I may even be able to tap into the Two Truths.
So Wednesday can focus on the two truths and the extremes.
Thursday will be the Extremes and Emptiness.
That means Friday is all the remainder of the paper.
It looks possible that I will have a paper finished by the end of the weekend.
I am still stressed and in a stupid amount of pain in a variety of places. I desperately need a back massage. Not like I will get one though. *pout* I hate to ask for one. *sigh*
This is a stressful week as I also don't get a paycheck and have to tap into the piddly bit of emergency money to do the things I want/need to do. It will balance out once I get paid for teaching... I just need to wait patiently. I think when I am done the paper, the next BIG focus is taxes. After taxes... I will treat myself to a REAL massage or something. You know, by someone who is qualified and will garuntee me a whole hour of bliss and relaxation.
Oh... Gem Show this weekend, in case you forgot. I am on the hunt for a large carnelian and a fluorite wand.
I also really hope that M-SB has found someone to help him at work. His stress is stressing me too.
*ARGH*
There is so much commitments this week I want to scream and yell at everyone to go the FUCK AWAY!
I worked today. It was dead at work. I wanted to be at home working on the paper. I taught a great chakra workshop class, then came home. And ya... been working on the paper. I am sooooo very tired. The ideas for this section are in my head. I know how I want to get them down. I am just hitting that too tired point to do it.
Tomorrow I endeavor to do the multitasking thing. I will bring my paper to work on at work. I have an unforseen meeting with someone at 11am to see new products. Wish someone emailed me about that so I could have told them not to schedule me when I am alone on the floor. *grrr* Then I forgot that I was working till 6pm instead of 2pm. So late lunch with Syl is on work time. I also won't get to leave work early to do curves and work on my paper. *sigh* So I am bringing my paper to work in case it is again dead. M-SB will meet me after work. Then it is more paper writing and planning a grade 3 class. (paper topic goals: 4th noble truth & conditioned genesis)
Wednesday I teach grade 3 in another new school. I think I will bring a gecko. And a book. Just in case. It is wise to have fun back-up stuff in case the teacher doesn't leave you anything or what she leaves is inadequate. From there I rush back to the store with my laptop and books and work on my paper there while CMS-L1 goes on. I had to cancel the L2 as I HAVE to work on paper. *sigh* (paper goals: dependant arising)
CRAP!
Need to plan a lecture on the Wheen of the Year and stuff for CEGEP. I will be at Champlain College on Thursday. Thanks gods that is around lunch time. I will have the afternoon and evening to work on my paper. (paper goals: causation & two truths - conventional & ultimate/absolute)
Friday... more paper. And planning on meeting folks around 3pm to go to the Gem Show.
(paper goals: extremes & essencelessness)
Saturday is ritual preparations. I was planning on more paer but apparently I am supposed to go out that night to see the new baby. I want to... but don't want to. I wish it could wait till the paper was done.
(weekend paper goal: self/no self/selflessness... finish the paper... hopefully)
Can everyone just... you know... let me do that? Please?
I worked today. It was dead at work. I wanted to be at home working on the paper. I taught a great chakra workshop class, then came home. And ya... been working on the paper. I am sooooo very tired. The ideas for this section are in my head. I know how I want to get them down. I am just hitting that too tired point to do it.
Tomorrow I endeavor to do the multitasking thing. I will bring my paper to work on at work. I have an unforseen meeting with someone at 11am to see new products. Wish someone emailed me about that so I could have told them not to schedule me when I am alone on the floor. *grrr* Then I forgot that I was working till 6pm instead of 2pm. So late lunch with Syl is on work time. I also won't get to leave work early to do curves and work on my paper. *sigh* So I am bringing my paper to work in case it is again dead. M-SB will meet me after work. Then it is more paper writing and planning a grade 3 class. (paper topic goals: 4th noble truth & conditioned genesis)
Wednesday I teach grade 3 in another new school. I think I will bring a gecko. And a book. Just in case. It is wise to have fun back-up stuff in case the teacher doesn't leave you anything or what she leaves is inadequate. From there I rush back to the store with my laptop and books and work on my paper there while CMS-L1 goes on. I had to cancel the L2 as I HAVE to work on paper. *sigh* (paper goals: dependant arising)
CRAP!
Need to plan a lecture on the Wheen of the Year and stuff for CEGEP. I will be at Champlain College on Thursday. Thanks gods that is around lunch time. I will have the afternoon and evening to work on my paper. (paper goals: causation & two truths - conventional & ultimate/absolute)
Friday... more paper. And planning on meeting folks around 3pm to go to the Gem Show.
(paper goals: extremes & essencelessness)
Saturday is ritual preparations. I was planning on more paer but apparently I am supposed to go out that night to see the new baby. I want to... but don't want to. I wish it could wait till the paper was done.
(weekend paper goal: self/no self/selflessness... finish the paper... hopefully)
Can everyone just... you know... let me do that? Please?
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Another Page
Some things are easier to deal with by thinking about other things.
I managed to get through the section on Suffering today in my paper. I am now on page 5. I also emailed my teacher and requested an extension. He approved it. I don't however want to have this paper linger. The stress it too much. If I manage to finish on time... great! At least I have some leeway in case I don't.
I got laid flat in bed again from pain. So I napped another 3 hours and feel considerably better.
*sigh*
M-SB and I will keep trying.
At least some things are in the works to allow for change. Now if only that change would manifest.
Ok... going off to think about other things again... like my paper. Gonna write about the Cause of Suffering. That will be less wordcount than Suffering. That's fine. It all relates to the notion of the self and the notion of no self.
I managed to get through the section on Suffering today in my paper. I am now on page 5. I also emailed my teacher and requested an extension. He approved it. I don't however want to have this paper linger. The stress it too much. If I manage to finish on time... great! At least I have some leeway in case I don't.
I got laid flat in bed again from pain. So I napped another 3 hours and feel considerably better.
*sigh*
M-SB and I will keep trying.
At least some things are in the works to allow for change. Now if only that change would manifest.
Ok... going off to think about other things again... like my paper. Gonna write about the Cause of Suffering. That will be less wordcount than Suffering. That's fine. It all relates to the notion of the self and the notion of no self.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Pain... infinite score... paper... score one...
I managed to write a whole paragraph. Then the deathly pain in my foot and my abdomen blocked all thought. I've been fetal in bed for the last maybr 2 hours while waiting for pain meds to "do something helpful". I hate that me being a woman means my body tries to KILL ME when I menstruate. And i do mean kill me. This time it even hit my athsma. I couldn't breathe well for most of those 2 hours. I did realize the foot pain though. I can now directly link it to wearing my teacher shoes and teaching. With older grades I can sit down now and then and rest my feet. With grade one... I don't dare blink!
So my paper lost out on several what might have been productive hours this afternoon and evening.
I want to cry... for a few reasons...
Part of me just feels... defeated... like... why fucking bother?!
I'd scream... but the drugs are only barely working. Screaming would only worsen my pains.
So my paper lost out on several what might have been productive hours this afternoon and evening.
I want to cry... for a few reasons...
Part of me just feels... defeated... like... why fucking bother?!
I'd scream... but the drugs are only barely working. Screaming would only worsen my pains.
Need a Job?
My husband is searching to hire TWO people to handle telephones at his work. Bilingual is a preference, though English is necessary. The applicants do not need to have much experience, just be patient and not mind answering an incessantly ringing telephone for a company that sells ice cream machines and supplies all over the world.
Why am I posting this on MY BLOG?
I love my husband and don't like seeing him stuck working 3 people's jobs while his main employee is out for surgery and the new person he hired today for work never showed up. He is losing his mind and coming home in a state that make me worry about him.
So, if you or someone you know needs a job... contact me and I will forward your message to him.
scarletcougar@gmail.com
Why am I posting this on MY BLOG?
I love my husband and don't like seeing him stuck working 3 people's jobs while his main employee is out for surgery and the new person he hired today for work never showed up. He is losing his mind and coming home in a state that make me worry about him.
So, if you or someone you know needs a job... contact me and I will forward your message to him.
scarletcougar@gmail.com
Still going... Not getting far...
Taugh grade 1 today. The kids were better with me. It must be that I am no longer a new face. Also, I brought a snake that was a hit all over the school.
My day has fizzled with my energy. I am menstrually cramping and feel like I will die.
*disappointed*
On the up... I received a pay cheque from Concordia University today! $50. but still!!
Is it silly of me to want to frame it?
Anyways... back to paper writing.
My day has fizzled with my energy. I am menstrually cramping and feel like I will die.
*disappointed*
On the up... I received a pay cheque from Concordia University today! $50. but still!!
Is it silly of me to want to frame it?
Anyways... back to paper writing.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Is that progress?
I intermixed napping and staying off my feet with lots and lots of reading on the Four Noble Truths, name suffering. And well, yesterdays collossal amounts of foot, knee, and shoulder suffering has ceased! The paper, however, gained another 2 paragraphs. Only two. I can barely say that I hae reached the third page. I don't consider 3 words on page 3 as really making contact with the page... it is like sneezing on it and saying you hit it.
Now dinner is ready. I am trying hard not to feel demoralized.
Great... a cat just ran off with a piece of my pork roast. *sigh*
I teach grade 1 again tomorrow.
Here is hoping it goes better.
Now dinner is ready. I am trying hard not to feel demoralized.
Great... a cat just ran off with a piece of my pork roast. *sigh*
I teach grade 1 again tomorrow.
Here is hoping it goes better.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
*wails and howls in frustration*
Ok... never got that nap.
Also... super advils... doing ZIP for the pain I am in.
Finally... I have ideas in my head for my paper, but nothing is getting them out in a suitably coherent fashion! I spent my time making dinner and reading and reading and more reading. While the logical part of me says that is all part of the paper writing. The 5 lines of wordcount... SUCK! I feel like I accomplished nothing and want to cry.
I give up for the night.
Also... super advils... doing ZIP for the pain I am in.
Finally... I have ideas in my head for my paper, but nothing is getting them out in a suitably coherent fashion! I spent my time making dinner and reading and reading and more reading. While the logical part of me says that is all part of the paper writing. The 5 lines of wordcount... SUCK! I feel like I accomplished nothing and want to cry.
I give up for the night.
Survived?
I am not sure I have....
I slept good and hard from about 1:00am till 5:30Am then stressed and couldn't get comfortable or back to sleep until the alarm went off just before 7:00am. I got lost in the French side of the school I was to teach at and thus was late. The grade 1's refused to be quiet or nice or polite or listen or anything. I felt like a horrible teacher today who lacked control of my class. I pray that Friday with the same class will turn out better.
The damp and whatever, maybe my first fall on the rollerskates yesterday, has resulting in aches and pain that super advils are barely keeping tolerable. I think it is more to do with the damp chilly weather. I hurt so much it is hard to focus. And I am tired.
I am tempted to nap for an hour. I just feel guilty for wanting to. And stupidly emotional.
I will no longer be taking phone calls till the paper is written. Monday and Tuesday were exercised in useless research as I was interrupted almost every 30min for a phone call of some sort. And just as I got into the groove of writing, I had to be somewhere. I could not get back into the groove. All the thoughts were lost. Today necessitated some running around so I could have that important thing called a paycheck. I kinda just feel like breaking down and crying. I hope to get a section on the Four Noble Truths written tonight. Tomorrow I want a HUGE chunk of the paper done... like the foundational crap that will be the first half of my paper. I need that sun back. It helped alot with warmth, hope and inspiration.
Ya... I am non-functional. Need a nap and more advil.
I slept good and hard from about 1:00am till 5:30Am then stressed and couldn't get comfortable or back to sleep until the alarm went off just before 7:00am. I got lost in the French side of the school I was to teach at and thus was late. The grade 1's refused to be quiet or nice or polite or listen or anything. I felt like a horrible teacher today who lacked control of my class. I pray that Friday with the same class will turn out better.
The damp and whatever, maybe my first fall on the rollerskates yesterday, has resulting in aches and pain that super advils are barely keeping tolerable. I think it is more to do with the damp chilly weather. I hurt so much it is hard to focus. And I am tired.
I am tempted to nap for an hour. I just feel guilty for wanting to. And stupidly emotional.
I will no longer be taking phone calls till the paper is written. Monday and Tuesday were exercised in useless research as I was interrupted almost every 30min for a phone call of some sort. And just as I got into the groove of writing, I had to be somewhere. I could not get back into the groove. All the thoughts were lost. Today necessitated some running around so I could have that important thing called a paycheck. I kinda just feel like breaking down and crying. I hope to get a section on the Four Noble Truths written tonight. Tomorrow I want a HUGE chunk of the paper done... like the foundational crap that will be the first half of my paper. I need that sun back. It helped alot with warmth, hope and inspiration.
Ya... I am non-functional. Need a nap and more advil.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Updating...
Ok, So Saturday was AMAZING! We got the rest of the shelves all in place and decided on the little fiddlies we want to do in the livingroom. The glass doors are in place flanking the spot where one day a TV will go. And there is stuff to tease the eye behind said glass doors!
Roo came over and we rollerskated! I taught her some moves and she did really well. No falling. We had a blast! i can't wait to rollerskate again.
Sunday was a busy day with prepping for coven and the public ritual we will be leading. That remainds me, I have to get some mail and faxes sent off today. I rollerskated again though M-SB walked with me to the dep and back. M-SB and I then drove to Roo's and installed Roo's new tea corner shelf. VERY PRETTY! Needs Kanji or something to add flavor.
Monday was full of research research research. I finialzed my topic: There is no "I" in Madhyamaka - A Look at the Self and Essencelessness in Madhyamaka Buddhism. I managed to get an intro paragraph that is doubling as my rough abstract, as well as an outline written. Then I baked a ton of cookies. My reward was roleplaying that evening.
So what is on the agenda for today?
First to go SQUEEE!!! I ahve teaching positions!! Then to run in panic and have an anxiety attack. OMG I have teaching positions. I need to find stuff for Grade 1 for tomorrow and Friday. Then stuff for grade 3 next Wednesday. And THEN teaching at Champlain college on the 17th.
Ok... BREATHE...
I can do this.
I have to get down to reading and researching today. Hopefully manage to get some of the paper written, at least stuff for the first 10 pages which is all foundational information. This evening is a dinner out for Pagan community leaders and mentors. I go to that every month.
OH! I need to try to pick up my hemmed pants today so I have nice things to wear tomorrow for teaching. Sooo... much.... to.... DO! Wish I was not dead to the world all morning. Guess my body was desperately doing catch-up or maybe preemptive sleeping since I teach at 7:50 IN THE MORNING! At least I finish at like 2:30 in the afternoon.
Have a wonderful day all! It looks and FEELS like spring!
Roo came over and we rollerskated! I taught her some moves and she did really well. No falling. We had a blast! i can't wait to rollerskate again.
Sunday was a busy day with prepping for coven and the public ritual we will be leading. That remainds me, I have to get some mail and faxes sent off today. I rollerskated again though M-SB walked with me to the dep and back. M-SB and I then drove to Roo's and installed Roo's new tea corner shelf. VERY PRETTY! Needs Kanji or something to add flavor.
Monday was full of research research research. I finialzed my topic: There is no "I" in Madhyamaka - A Look at the Self and Essencelessness in Madhyamaka Buddhism. I managed to get an intro paragraph that is doubling as my rough abstract, as well as an outline written. Then I baked a ton of cookies. My reward was roleplaying that evening.
So what is on the agenda for today?
First to go SQUEEE!!! I ahve teaching positions!! Then to run in panic and have an anxiety attack. OMG I have teaching positions. I need to find stuff for Grade 1 for tomorrow and Friday. Then stuff for grade 3 next Wednesday. And THEN teaching at Champlain college on the 17th.
Ok... BREATHE...
I can do this.
I have to get down to reading and researching today. Hopefully manage to get some of the paper written, at least stuff for the first 10 pages which is all foundational information. This evening is a dinner out for Pagan community leaders and mentors. I go to that every month.
OH! I need to try to pick up my hemmed pants today so I have nice things to wear tomorrow for teaching. Sooo... much.... to.... DO! Wish I was not dead to the world all morning. Guess my body was desperately doing catch-up or maybe preemptive sleeping since I teach at 7:50 IN THE MORNING! At least I finish at like 2:30 in the afternoon.
Have a wonderful day all! It looks and FEELS like spring!
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Progressing...
Friday, M-SB and I braved the stupid snow. The snow was not really the problem. The traffic was. We picked up the last shelf to finish the livingroom. It is now in place! YAY! All that is left in the livingroom to get are some final touches, a TV, sofa, and PS3.
Today I did some updating of my website (www.mtl-magicalcircle.ca) as I started putting in the Avatar: the Last Airbender stuff. It is part of my forum volunteering work and also in hopes that I actually finish my fanfic.
What is on today's Agenda?
- eating... ya... should really do that...
- finish putting the books in place (alphebetizing can happen at a later date)
- Making a reading space so i can work on my research
- getting rid of old shelves
- prepping for tomorrow
- coming up with a fun thing for Grade 1 to do next week
M-SB and I love the new livingroom.
Hopefully, I will get to do some rollerskating today with Roo. We will see. I am ready to skate!!
Today I did some updating of my website (www.mtl-magicalcircle.ca) as I started putting in the Avatar: the Last Airbender stuff. It is part of my forum volunteering work and also in hopes that I actually finish my fanfic.
What is on today's Agenda?
- eating... ya... should really do that...
- finish putting the books in place (alphebetizing can happen at a later date)
- Making a reading space so i can work on my research
- getting rid of old shelves
- prepping for tomorrow
- coming up with a fun thing for Grade 1 to do next week
M-SB and I love the new livingroom.
Hopefully, I will get to do some rollerskating today with Roo. We will see. I am ready to skate!!
Friday, April 04, 2008
More Newness and a Rough Day
Well the week progressed into Thursday's beautiful warm sun. Unfortunately by Wednesday I was losing my mind. I was a bundle of aggitated andgrumpy and anxiety filled nerves. It took me all of Wednesday to figure out why. Why? The house is chaos. It is one thing to have my office chaos and go into an orderly-ish house. It is a whole other thing when I am unable to move around the already narrow hallways of the home because of stray old bookshelves. I am clostraphobic in my own home and it is making me edgy and snippy.
This must change SOON! Like before Saturday.
Thursday morning I did a bit of reading for my paper and then cleaned the kitchen. The anxiety and clostraphopia hit and I had to get out of the house. So I went and picked up some more of the units for the livingroom from Ikea that would not fit in the last load, and of what I could carry. Only one shelf left to get. I picked up my kanji from the framer. I didn't get them framed as I have a different plan in mind. I took my new pants to the people I like for hemming. Then I cooked lots of rice for the potluck in class. The potluck went really well! We ate and chatted and did nothing class related. LOL! I did get the rest of my books from InterLibrary Loans. Now just need the ones due in the mail. I came home to the shelves mostly put together by a very tired M-SB. He is so fed up doing 3 people's jobs.
I was going to rollerskate today.
However, I got poor sleep. I had to take advil for the aching joints. I only got to sleep arpound 3AM. I killed night time by moving some books into place on the new shelves. I was woken at 7AM when a school called to have me work today. Money-wise, I should have accepted. But that would have meant being ready and out the door in 20minutes. I was too tired and non-functional. I told them I was unavailable today. I dropped back into bed feeling sluggish and achy all over again. I managed to drag myself up around noon and take more advil. And alas... the temps dropped and the humidity rose and we have damp snow. No wonder my joints are KILLING ME!
The day is just slow and frustrating, like moving through cold molasses.
Energy drink has been opened in hopes that it helps kick me into gear.
I moved more books onto shelves. I took a small break and wrote a chapter bit for my fanfic while the idea was fresh in my head. Then I made lunch (nochos) and shelves more books. I can now see the livingroom floor again. This is helping my anxiety.
On my agenda today:
- Handle cell phone messages
- try to understand the fire permit criteria. I got it wrong and have to redo it
- photocopy an important teaching paper for the school board and mail it
- go tp curves
- Get cups to the store
- pick up M-SB at work at 5pm
- go to ikea for the last shelf (and DON'T forget the gift card this time)
- banish the old shelves somehow
- do homework
This must change SOON! Like before Saturday.
Thursday morning I did a bit of reading for my paper and then cleaned the kitchen. The anxiety and clostraphopia hit and I had to get out of the house. So I went and picked up some more of the units for the livingroom from Ikea that would not fit in the last load, and of what I could carry. Only one shelf left to get. I picked up my kanji from the framer. I didn't get them framed as I have a different plan in mind. I took my new pants to the people I like for hemming. Then I cooked lots of rice for the potluck in class. The potluck went really well! We ate and chatted and did nothing class related. LOL! I did get the rest of my books from InterLibrary Loans. Now just need the ones due in the mail. I came home to the shelves mostly put together by a very tired M-SB. He is so fed up doing 3 people's jobs.
I was going to rollerskate today.
However, I got poor sleep. I had to take advil for the aching joints. I only got to sleep arpound 3AM. I killed night time by moving some books into place on the new shelves. I was woken at 7AM when a school called to have me work today. Money-wise, I should have accepted. But that would have meant being ready and out the door in 20minutes. I was too tired and non-functional. I told them I was unavailable today. I dropped back into bed feeling sluggish and achy all over again. I managed to drag myself up around noon and take more advil. And alas... the temps dropped and the humidity rose and we have damp snow. No wonder my joints are KILLING ME!
The day is just slow and frustrating, like moving through cold molasses.
Energy drink has been opened in hopes that it helps kick me into gear.
I moved more books onto shelves. I took a small break and wrote a chapter bit for my fanfic while the idea was fresh in my head. Then I made lunch (nochos) and shelves more books. I can now see the livingroom floor again. This is helping my anxiety.
On my agenda today:
- Handle cell phone messages
- try to understand the fire permit criteria. I got it wrong and have to redo it
- photocopy an important teaching paper for the school board and mail it
- go tp curves
- Get cups to the store
- pick up M-SB at work at 5pm
- go to ikea for the last shelf (and DON'T forget the gift card this time)
- banish the old shelves somehow
- do homework
