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Saturday, February 28, 2009

*blrgh* 

I are so sick....

*grumble* 

Great.

On top of everything... I now have a cold.
World... I hate you a little right now... maybe... I hate you alot.

At least I wrote some fanfic epilogue stuff.

Going to bed now.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Wishful thinking... 

There are days I just want to NOT be working and just be writing. My head is so full of ideas and research and everything else in life feels like an interference.

*sigh*

Died for a bit... 

Wednesday, my energy was fast going downhill. Thursday... I started the wonderful (hear my heavily laden sarcasm) monthly event of cramping. Today I was dead. I only managed to crawl from bed now. I have to get myself together to teach a class tonight. Gods help me.

I thought I was going to be dead yesterday. I am amazed that I wasn't. Excedrin was my best friend every 4-6 hours. At least till I fell asleep and was woken at 5:00am this morning with deadly cramps. This weekend is going to be VERY low key. So if we made plans, please understand that I must cancel for my own health. Sorry.

On the up, I went to visit the Ovo Clinic. I was wrong. They are not semi-private. They are fully private. Which explains why they are expensive. The Building is a very posh and professional building on Decarie, just north of the Orange Julep. I walked in and was immediately greeted in a friendly manner by a secretary. She sat me down and offered to answer my questions and listen to my situation. She seemed unsurprised by the treatment I got at the hospital. She was however surprised that I could not easily change doctors. She answered some of my more general questions and reassured me that the doctors here would be very gentle and sympathetic and speak to my husband as opposed to ignore his presense. She recommends one of her English doctors who she feels is especially good at answering sensitive questions. Hubby and I now have an appointment for Thursday April 23rd at 10:00am. Over the next couple months we are to try to get a copy of our medical fertility files from the hospital. If we have trouble, at any time we can come to the clinic and she will send a legal requisition for the files herself. I felt so much batter and comfortable and secure there. I hope the husband does too.

Ok... dying again. Going to go get another hot water bottle and rest for an hour. Then have to pack for class.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Monday Progress 

Again... love Mondays!

Today started off slower than anticipated. I was up late fighting with my computer when I finally gave up and went to bed. I woke up nauseous and drained. I managed to drag myself out of bed and get into clean... PJ's. Yes. It is a PJ day. I declare it so. Mondays are PJ days! After the morning routine and a breakfast of a banana, I dealt with laundry and made the bed.

Lighting my Need Fire on the altar, I performed my weekly meditation. The candle remains lit for the day till the sun sets. Incense also burns to help my day move along spiritually.

I fixed my computer. It was stupidly easy. I felt dumb for not managing it last night. I was tired and frustrated last night. Alas. It is fixed now and I can access the net again.

I spent the last few hours writing more for the CMS Level 2 Second Trimester Teacher's Manual. Four more sections to go in that and it is DONE! But I don't think I will get to that today. I have other things to do, like clean the bedroom and living room and kitchen. That is next. Then Plan dinner as creatively as I can with the almost nil selection of food we have this month. This has been a bad brutal month for us.

On today's agenda is also planning my CMS Level 2 and 3 classes this week, as well as doing my homework for my Teaching class. If I have time, I will write some fanfic and add to the writing manual I am doing for the kids.

Tonight, I write in the BOS and prep the ritual structure section.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone!
Enjoy the light outside! Ignore the snow... It will melt on Thursday.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Discovery 

Well, it seems that I react to chocolate even if the smell is strong in the air. The husband is baking a to die for triple layer chocolate cake with mint frosting filling between the layers and fudge frosting over the whole of the cake. This is a double birthday cake for two of our friends. Hoppy Birthday to them both. I am sorry I cannot go to your birthday party. Anyways, the whole house is potently scented with cocoa! I woke up from the smell, in shakes and heat waves and nausea and like knots as if I had eaten a bunch of chocolate. I have been having a hard time breathing and everything. I opened the windows around the house and am current;y hiding in my office where the door has been closed all morning and the smell has not gotten into there as much. I had heard some allergies are like this... kids and peanutbutter for example. I never thought I would react like this. I even eat tiny bits of chocolate sometimes. But the cocoa content is so small I guess it is insignificant. The cocoa content in this cake... is pure and deadly! This is all not a fun feeling.

New Hope? 

So... the Royal Vic has lived up to the gripes I have had before with it and received as news from others. So has my fertility doctor, Dr. Holzer. I get treated like a rotten number that they would rather not have in their office. They don't even bother to really speak to Mark when he is there. They completely ignored issues Mark and I raised as problems we were having (as written in the 10-page profile form we each had to fill in). And so... when we decided to switch doctors and called, we were told we were not allowed to switch doctors without Dr. Holzer's permission.

Fuck that!

Thursday I am scoping out a place that was recommended by a friend of mine who is also having pregnancy problems with his wife.

Ovo Clinic who have an amazing pamphlet that is already making me feel much more comfortable. I hope it is good. I hope we can get our test results moved there. I hope we can find a solution. Please note that we are open to assistance from everyone wishing us good energy.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Delete? 

Dear Divine Publishers of Life,

Can February be deleted from the year? It is badly developed and full of many gross errors and life-typos and misinformation and other things otherwise out of control. If the year were a book I was editing. This chapter would be stricken from the manuscript.

Well... maybe not all of it...

I got 2 love letters. Each from special people on my life.
I also got a rose from another dear friend.
And the CMS year started with an absolutely amazing bunch of new students.

Other than that... edit those good moments into the previous and subsequent chapters and delete the month from this year's book of life.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Planning 

Since I am trying a new system for school that involves sleeping over at Roo's and bussing to scholl Friday morning to save gas/parking $, It means I need to plan two whole days of meals before i leave. This is normally easier when I don't have to be anywhere till 3pm today. However... I don't have till 3pm today. I need to be at work by noon. AND I need to poke into Chinatown's art store for supplies before that!

Last night after I came home from teaching CMS to one (my other students is having pregnancy sickness) I got busy. As a side note... *SQUEEE* I am already planning little baby gifts for that student. I hope she feels better soon!

Last night I fried up bacon, eggs and veggies. Then I made rice and stir fried them together. That gave 3 meals although one of those I am leaving for the husband because he LOVES this rice dish. I took out a stick of butter to make a 1/2 batch of cookies. It should be soft by now... so cookies are on the morning to do list. I packed my bag with the CMS Level 2 stuff I need, the coven lesson I am working on, the stray scissors I keep forgetting to return to the CMS cabinet, all my stuff for my class on teaching (which I am loving), and my box of business cards. Then last night I made another Listmania on amazon.ca for my students. I crawled into bed at 3am.

This morning... I am brutally tired. After I take my morning shower, I will bake those cookies and pack clothes for the overnight. Then drive to Roo's and drop stuff (including the car) off at her place. I will bus right to Chinatown, dash into the art store there and bus back to the store. I pray it can be done on the same bus ticket.

Here is wishing everyone a great day!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

BAH! 

Went to mom's... and as predicted, going out of the house on a Monday meant I got little done. I was up till 3am working on homework.

And the Listmanias for CMS level 2... so hard and time consuming. It's a good thing I adore them to bits and do this for them.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Rounding out the weekend 

Saturday ... I mentioned.

Sunday was mellow. We bought a smidgen of groceries and did some baking as a result. There is so much you can do food-wise when you have the basic. Although, the hubby and I are high carnivores and I desperately need juice. We become kinda insane if we go too long without protein or juice. This is now rectified.

I spent Sunday sorting out coven stuff and lessons and such. Much of the things I would normally do today. Also... just relaxed about the house.

Today... even though I said I would NOT GO ANYWHERE on a Monday... I am going to my Mom's. We need to wash the big blankets and these don't remotely fit in the washer and dryer in the basement. So I have backed up my Friday homework, my Sunday Astrology lesson, and my CMS listmania list of religions. I have lots to occupy me. About to pack some food to take with me cuz Mom often doesn't have stuff I am willing to put into my mouth. I need to get going now as I need to leave her place around dinner and be here for the hubby.

Tonight's plan is to some fanfic, work on CMS textbook Level 2, and evaluate the CMS website.

Overlaying all of this is ritual. Mondays are my meditation and ritual days. Moon is waning. As a note... Lunar Eclipse in Leo... BAD for me. Let's not have another ok? I've finished my morning meditations. Off I go to Mom's. Evening meditations will happen well... in the evening.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Improved 

I feel loved today.

I have two love letters. I got snuzzles and hugs and kisses. I got a pretty soft light blue scarf. Had some important talks with mixed emotions and much understanding.

The love letters are now tacked to my office door so I can read them often.

This was a horrible week for me. But today was much better. I spent a night out roleplaying and just being somewhere else for a night. I was up early and in class. Class was fun and I am feeling keen about the course I am planning. Now if only I could be hired to teach it. *sigh* The day was cold but sunny bright. I came home to pre for teaching Friday evening. I wanted to do cleaning, but there is just no time to do everything. I ate leftovers and made glosh for use to eat for a few days. I discovered I am having an allergic reaction to something. I broke out in rash/bumps on my right wrist and back of my right knee. The process of deduction has revealed the only suspect I can think of at the moment: Tim's French Vanilla Cappuccino that I have not had for over 2 years. I will wait a week and then retest this theory. Yes... I am that stupid sometimes. I was not sick, just have a couple little patches of random bumps that faded after a couple hours. CMS L2 was fun and they did real well with their Celtic Knotwork. Got home to very welcome cuddling.

I am feeling much improved.

Only issue now... beyond the one I am not discussing publicly... is that I am out of gas, money and available bus fair. All bus fair at the moment is reserved for getting to and from work next week.

Tomorrow/Today is Valentine's Day. I think it will be spent sleeping in and cleaning house with the husband, then working on coven work and coven homework. Maybe watch the movie Wall-E that we borrowed from the neighbors.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Killing Time / Staying Distracted 

I am stuck at the store. My class this evening is canceled but I have to stay here for the other class. So i am killing time and trying to keep myself distracted from my thoughts and my mood. So i went on facebook. OMG! SHOCK! I did. And I stole a Meme from Danika.

USING ONLY ONE WORD! It's not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one-word answers. Be sure to tag the person you received it from!


1. Where is your cell phone? classroom

2. Your significant other? home

3. Your hair? red

4. Your kids? inexistent

5. Your job? multiple

6. Your favourite? roleplaying

7. Your dream last night? unknown

8. Your favourite drink? tea

9. Your dream/goal? family

10. What room you are in? storefront

11. Your hobby? writing

12. Your fear? failing

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? content

14. Where were you last night? online

15. Something that you aren't? alot

16. Muffins? blueberry

17. Wish list item? ruckus

18. Where you grew up? Montreal

19. Last thing you did? THIS

20. What are you wearing? HolyClothing

21. Your TV? off

22. Your pets? trouble

23. Friends? busy

24. Your life? frustrating

25. Your mood? sad

26. Missing some one? yes

27. Car? Nissan

28. Something you're not wearing? carnelian

29. Your favorite store? Melange

30. Your favorite color? blue

33. When is the last time you laughed? shrug

34. Last time you cried? now

35. Who will resend this? dunno

36. One place that I go to over and over? Melange

37. One person who emails me regularly? Roo

38. My favorite place to eat? Yi's

Emotional Rollercoaster 

This week has been very hard on the spirit for me. Some great things have happened. Some rotten things have happened. Some thing I desperately wish could happen have not happened. On top of it all, the finances are tight and I did some serious damage to my shoulder last Friday that is impacting me very hard now.

I think on the whole, I have not made anything an issue public at work and have been a cheery professional human being. I think I have mostly mastered the art of functioning despite how I feel inside. All I want to do is cry.

Please have patience with me folks. This is a hard week/month. I am not intentionally avoiding you. I am just trying to deal with life.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

:( 

Had a tidbit of good news yesterday in the form of medical insurance check to me. This morning I will be depositing it to cover the bad news of the negative in my account. It wasn't a very big check. I only get $20 back from each physio appointment.

This week was supposed to be good leading up to fun with the hubby and stuff.

I am just tired and demoralized feeling and don't want to go or do anything today.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Hard to Imagine 

It is almost Spring like and beautiful outside! I opened the windows and turned off the heat. Mondays are personal ME days. I have done some cleaning and some homework. I am eager to rollerskate. Although the weather has freezing rain warnings out and snow and rain planned for Tuesday and Wednesday still.

I gathered the growing pile of refundable to go to the car, washed 3 loads of dishes, folded laundry, baked orange muffins, put away books, read my teaching homework, planned 1 of 6 classes for this week and watched a movie. Covens & Solitaries class is planned. I have yet to plan Rites of Passage, Roles of Clergy, Norse Religions, Slavic Religions, Celtic Knotwork, and Handmaiden in Traditional Witchcraft. The last is mostly done already though, as is Celtic Knotwork.

I have astrology to read, more teaching homework, some coven work, and some personal writing. It is a Full moon today and a lunar eclipse. Maybe that is why I feel unusual today. Full moons are usually high energy times for me.

My classes this evening and tomorrow evening are cancelled due to lack of interest (due to too short notice on advertizing and poor timing for general attendance). Alas. I also just turned down a teaching position and am kinda kicking myself about it. My first job is too short staffed for me to take a day teaching. But the teaching pays me easily 3-4 times as much. My loyalty is hurting me today. Tightening the belt and sucking it up. At least I am a creative person and can be remarkably resourceful foodwise. Speaking of food... I made jello last night as a treat. I think I will go eat some. That is cheery! Like the sun cheery!

Jello
cleaning
writing
movie watching
meditation

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Not much... 

I know, I haven't blogged much all week. I have been just busy, sore from weird weather, headache-y, and just more busy. I also have been feeling the change in the sun! It is brighter, out longer and a tad warmer. The wind is still winter though. Spring Fever is tickling at me. I want to bike or roller-skate or something.

I might have to.

Ran into financial shortage. Missed some important payments trying to make other payments. *rawr* Looks like I will be looking at very alternative methods of getting to work... at least on Tuesday. Maybe I will drive to Roo's, leave the car and roller-skate the rest of the way to work. I wonder what the weather will be like... *looks* CRAP! Snow and rain. *sigh* I'll think of something.

I need it to be spring already!

I know February will be horribly tight. Have patience with me folks. I will be declining anything and everything for the month. My cell is down too. *sigh* So email me.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Imbolc 2009 Love Letters 

So, I picked three people. I wrote 10 things I love about them and 2 ways they inspire me. I was considering posting them, but it got a bit personal. So instead I will just hand them the love letters instead. I gave one out this evening. I am so impatient. *wink* I got kisses out of it! *squee*

Happy Imbolc 

In honor of the Annual Imbolc Poetry Blog:

Here is my offering. These are two poems that have marked my life:


The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost (1874ā€“1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and Iā€”
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.



Invictus
William Ernest Henley. 1849ā€“1903

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.



And as Imbolc lead into Valentine's Day, I invite people to add to this tradition of creativity.

In your blog name three people you care much for or admire. Under each list TEN things you love about them and TWO things that inspire you.


I will do this later after my Imbolc Ritual tonight.