Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Routine of Ruination
It feels like a routine of ruination.
Bio-calm given at 11:30pm. Midnight cat feeding at obviously midnight. Bed time at 1am, Tsuki goes into a box to settle him down for the night. he is settled if he is in my lap, but need sleep at some point. 4:30 or 5:30am the yowling begins. He is let out to roam a little. 6am Bio-calm is given again. it is supposed to be given an hour before usual yowling time or with food. If I try to be in bed between the morning wake-up and breakfast, there is yowling.7am is kitty breakfast.Yowling is toned down and intermittent till 9am. THEN I can get another couple hours sleep with Tsuki on the bed. The day is not bad with some play, me doing whatever work and the odd yowl. Serious yowling starts again at 6:30pm for food and includes his "food dancing" but feeding isn't till 8pm. He tends to yowl for food for the hour-ish before feeding unless there is food down for him. I would leave food there all the time except for FAT NINJA who would eat it to prove his "dominance", so need to find a home for this black cat! Again things are decent while I am around till 11pm when the yowling begins again for food. The routine then starts over.
If I could work around the routine, it would be great! I can function with a few hours sleep here and a couple hours sleep there. But my life involves other things and Tsuki is less comfortable with the hubby so tends to yowl more if I am gone.
I was so tired Monday that I forgot to call the new vet for her advice.
I have been awake this morning since 5am trying to keep Tsuki quiet so the hubby can still sleep till his alarm goes off. He does the same for me on the weekend.
Bio-calm given at 11:30pm. Midnight cat feeding at obviously midnight. Bed time at 1am, Tsuki goes into a box to settle him down for the night. he is settled if he is in my lap, but need sleep at some point. 4:30 or 5:30am the yowling begins. He is let out to roam a little. 6am Bio-calm is given again. it is supposed to be given an hour before usual yowling time or with food. If I try to be in bed between the morning wake-up and breakfast, there is yowling.7am is kitty breakfast.Yowling is toned down and intermittent till 9am. THEN I can get another couple hours sleep with Tsuki on the bed. The day is not bad with some play, me doing whatever work and the odd yowl. Serious yowling starts again at 6:30pm for food and includes his "food dancing" but feeding isn't till 8pm. He tends to yowl for food for the hour-ish before feeding unless there is food down for him. I would leave food there all the time except for FAT NINJA who would eat it to prove his "dominance", so need to find a home for this black cat! Again things are decent while I am around till 11pm when the yowling begins again for food. The routine then starts over.
If I could work around the routine, it would be great! I can function with a few hours sleep here and a couple hours sleep there. But my life involves other things and Tsuki is less comfortable with the hubby so tends to yowl more if I am gone.
I was so tired Monday that I forgot to call the new vet for her advice.
I have been awake this morning since 5am trying to keep Tsuki quiet so the hubby can still sleep till his alarm goes off. He does the same for me on the weekend.
Bio-Calme Day 2
Less yowling, but still some yowling. Sleep is still poor.
I got a few hours sleep last night then again in the afternoon on Monday. I plowed through a book and was able to speak to my teacher about it. I need to pick up the pace with it. I have a meeting with the department adviser on the 9th to try to sort out my academic mess.
In the morning, I have to write last week's class report, then read this week's readings and write a report, then print stuff for Gaia Gathering to bring to the school.
I am so tired...
It was suggested that I walk Tsuki on a leash if he yowls to be outside. I do walk him now and then. It doesn't really help. I have cats because you don't need to walk them like dogs. I don't have the kind of schedule that allows me to have a regular reliable time to walk an animal and sometimes i don't have that time at all. Also, it is getting very cold. Also, when the snow comes and people salt the walking areas, I cannot walk a cat. The street salt is like acid on cat paw pads. It is HORRRIBLE!
We are trudging through.
Yule Fair on the weekend. I have been too exhausted to prepare things for my table. So what goes on it is still a mystery till Saturday.
I got a few hours sleep last night then again in the afternoon on Monday. I plowed through a book and was able to speak to my teacher about it. I need to pick up the pace with it. I have a meeting with the department adviser on the 9th to try to sort out my academic mess.
In the morning, I have to write last week's class report, then read this week's readings and write a report, then print stuff for Gaia Gathering to bring to the school.
I am so tired...
It was suggested that I walk Tsuki on a leash if he yowls to be outside. I do walk him now and then. It doesn't really help. I have cats because you don't need to walk them like dogs. I don't have the kind of schedule that allows me to have a regular reliable time to walk an animal and sometimes i don't have that time at all. Also, it is getting very cold. Also, when the snow comes and people salt the walking areas, I cannot walk a cat. The street salt is like acid on cat paw pads. It is HORRRIBLE!
We are trudging through.
Yule Fair on the weekend. I have been too exhausted to prepare things for my table. So what goes on it is still a mystery till Saturday.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Bio-Calm Day 1
As advised for the weekend, I am double dosing Tsuki with this stuff. He actually really loves the stuff and laps it up like a special treat! In the evening it worked like a charm! After an hour, he settled in my lap instead of wandering and yowling. I put him into his carrier and he relaxed right away and did not disturb us till 6:30am. That is still stupid early. I dosed him in the morning. He yowled on and off for an hour before calming down. It was much better than before.
However, it is now 10am and he is yowling for attention and to go outside. I don't care about daytime yowling so much.
So... day 1 shows good improvement. We shall see how this goes over the week. The Feliway helped too I suppose, but not nearly enough.
it was suggested to me to maybe train him to be an outdoor cat since I am in a residential area. I would like to remind people that I have a $2600 exotic cat. Like hell I am letting him roam free again!
However, it is now 10am and he is yowling for attention and to go outside. I don't care about daytime yowling so much.
So... day 1 shows good improvement. We shall see how this goes over the week. The Feliway helped too I suppose, but not nearly enough.
it was suggested to me to maybe train him to be an outdoor cat since I am in a residential area. I would like to remind people that I have a $2600 exotic cat. Like hell I am letting him roam free again!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
New Attempts
So I went out to the local vet. They were positively WONDERFUL and helpful. I may even switch vets. Also, they are WAY closer.
The Feliway did seem to help somewhat, but not enough. We are still relatively sleep deprived and it has totally ruined where i am at with school. Somehow, I doubt the school would accept my cat situation as a suitable excuse for anything.
The new vet gave me Bio-Calme. I read the ingredients and can't see what in it would help calm my cat, but I am willing to try anything. I was advised to call the new vet on Monday as she might have some helpful advice. I will do just that. This is way better than being brushed off and told to do blood tests by the other vet I went to.
I have no idea how I will get caught up, short of quitting everything for the three weeks. I am even asking myself, why am I bothering with school. What is the point? Is there a point?
The Feliway did seem to help somewhat, but not enough. We are still relatively sleep deprived and it has totally ruined where i am at with school. Somehow, I doubt the school would accept my cat situation as a suitable excuse for anything.
The new vet gave me Bio-Calme. I read the ingredients and can't see what in it would help calm my cat, but I am willing to try anything. I was advised to call the new vet on Monday as she might have some helpful advice. I will do just that. This is way better than being brushed off and told to do blood tests by the other vet I went to.
I have no idea how I will get caught up, short of quitting everything for the three weeks. I am even asking myself, why am I bothering with school. What is the point? Is there a point?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Feliway Fail
So, day seven.
The improvements have been minimal. And last night was as bad as the worst times without the Feliway. Tsuki yowled til 1:30am, then started again at 4:30am and kept at it till 9am.
I was a wreck at work today. So was the hubby.
I am so fucking behind in everything because I lack the focus to do anything.
Tomorrow, I will go buy the Bio-Calme and see how that works. Monday the 6th, Tsuki goes back to the vet for his boosters and I will discuss other options with the vet then. Euthanasia is looking very tempting at the moment.
The improvements have been minimal. And last night was as bad as the worst times without the Feliway. Tsuki yowled til 1:30am, then started again at 4:30am and kept at it till 9am.
I was a wreck at work today. So was the hubby.
I am so fucking behind in everything because I lack the focus to do anything.
Tomorrow, I will go buy the Bio-Calme and see how that works. Monday the 6th, Tsuki goes back to the vet for his boosters and I will discuss other options with the vet then. Euthanasia is looking very tempting at the moment.
Feliway Day 6 & Still Behind
Not sure how the Feliway is doing today as I was gone from 9am through till 10pm. The evening seems to be relatively the same. Occasional yowls, especially an hour before feeding, in intermittently after feeding. He seems to require a great deal of attention. I want to just leave him in my warmer office, but I know he will yowl at the window in the night. I'd like to move the carrier into my warmer office but he will definitely yowl because it will be in an unfamiliar spot. *SIGH*
Today i worked all day, then had class this evening where we had a movie fail... or rather a dvd player fail. The player decided to stop working at a critical part of the film. Out of frustration and lack of other planned things to do, I ended the class.
During the movie, though, I managed to finish reading one of the three articles I am behind in... thus still behind, but minutely less so.
I want bed, Guess Tsuki goes into the cat carrier again tonight. Tomorrow night I will experiment with the office as I don't have to be anywhere Friday morning. so, If I am kept awake most of the night, it is not the end of the world, even if it might feel like it from exhaustion.
Today i worked all day, then had class this evening where we had a movie fail... or rather a dvd player fail. The player decided to stop working at a critical part of the film. Out of frustration and lack of other planned things to do, I ended the class.
During the movie, though, I managed to finish reading one of the three articles I am behind in... thus still behind, but minutely less so.
I want bed, Guess Tsuki goes into the cat carrier again tonight. Tomorrow night I will experiment with the office as I don't have to be anywhere Friday morning. so, If I am kept awake most of the night, it is not the end of the world, even if it might feel like it from exhaustion.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Feliway Day 5 & Behind
Should have posted this yesterday, but was too tired. Tsuki is still quiet for only 6-7 hours at night. He yowls through the morning without frequent attention and intermittently through the day. I know it is because of trauma, but damn... I want to strangle him sometimes. I am awake at the moment trying to keep him quiet through part of the morning so the Hubby can stay asleep. I will try to nap for 30minutes once the hubby is awake.
This being a LONG day for me is brutal!! Only because I am tired.
I never managed to finish my readings and report for yesterday's class. So I have to try to do that asap. I am so behind... Maybe while tonight's students watch a film, I will work on homework.
This being a LONG day for me is brutal!! Only because I am tired.
I never managed to finish my readings and report for yesterday's class. So I have to try to do that asap. I am so behind... Maybe while tonight's students watch a film, I will work on homework.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Dear Gods
Grant me patience and a little more sleep... how about some quiet, at least till 9am.
Tsuki decided to start yowling at 6am. Understandably as he needed the little box. I let him out of his carrier and went to bed. Then he wandered and yowled about the house for an hour, and ended at caterwauling at the kitchen window. So I am up to try to keep him quiet so the hubby can get a little more sleep. I'd do homework if I were not so tired.
I'll try to grab a nap once the hubby is up for work.
Tsuki decided to start yowling at 6am. Understandably as he needed the little box. I let him out of his carrier and went to bed. Then he wandered and yowled about the house for an hour, and ended at caterwauling at the kitchen window. So I am up to try to keep him quiet so the hubby can get a little more sleep. I'd do homework if I were not so tired.
I'll try to grab a nap once the hubby is up for work.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Feliway Day 4 & oops...
So today I took a personal day to try to rest and refocus. I slept lots through the day. Day 4 of the Feliway shows little difference from previous days. Tsuki is quiet for 7 hours in his carrier, but is a yowling horror from 7am through 9am and intermittently now and then during the day. Some of it is that he needs attention or he is scared or he thinks he needs to go outside. At the end of the week, I will pick up the Bio-Calme and see if that helps any.
What i did get done today:
I did some meditations, tidied the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. I sorted the chaos of the pantry and folded laundry. I scrubbed the floor and really scrubbed the litterbox and its alcove. I edited an article, book review really, that is up for publication. There are several other things I wish to set for publication, but lack the time yet to dedicate to them.
I printed and started reading homework. By the end of the day, I realized I was reading the wrong homework and feel like a total tard. Oops. So now, tonight and through the morning tomorrow, I need to try to get this week's (not next week's) articles read and reported on.
Tomorrow, I have an interview for some newspaper to do during my MPRC shift. And I have an Open Gaia Gathering meeting to attend/lead. I think I will buy some energy drinks on my way into town tomorrow. I am going to need them.
What i did get done today:
I did some meditations, tidied the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. I sorted the chaos of the pantry and folded laundry. I scrubbed the floor and really scrubbed the litterbox and its alcove. I edited an article, book review really, that is up for publication. There are several other things I wish to set for publication, but lack the time yet to dedicate to them.
I printed and started reading homework. By the end of the day, I realized I was reading the wrong homework and feel like a total tard. Oops. So now, tonight and through the morning tomorrow, I need to try to get this week's (not next week's) articles read and reported on.
Tomorrow, I have an interview for some newspaper to do during my MPRC shift. And I have an Open Gaia Gathering meeting to attend/lead. I think I will buy some energy drinks on my way into town tomorrow. I am going to need them.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Feliway Day 3 and Falling Behind
So, we are now day 3 with the feliway. There is some improvement. We have now had a couple nights sleep! Thank the gods! he gets put in the cat carrier after midnight feeding and wakes around 7am for breakfast. We would normally feed them and then go back to bed for another couple hours or get ready for work. Sleeping in was impossible this weekend. He insisted on yowling through the morning... again. Now and then throughout the day he would caterwaul and sometimes yowl to go outside. We don't mind a noisy very talkative cat, but the volume and the piercingness of his yowls cuts through the nerves. I promise to give this a whole week. If there is no improvement, I try product #2: Bio-Calme.
Lack of sleep the past week has ruined my focus and thus i have fallen behind in everything.
What need i do?
- edit a book review for publication (due NOW)
- read articles for class and write a report (due Monday night)
- read the second book for my exam and take notes (due Friday)
- rewrite my history section on my thesis (due October)
- email out my thesis interview questions (new idea since i lack the time to meet people)
- clean out the closets to fit things into them better
- finish setting up my office
I am just so tired that every moment where there is quiet, I try to sleep. It is like having a baby plus ten other commitments.
The F in my grade s very demoralizing.
Lack of sleep the past week has ruined my focus and thus i have fallen behind in everything.
What need i do?
- edit a book review for publication (due NOW)
- read articles for class and write a report (due Monday night)
- read the second book for my exam and take notes (due Friday)
- rewrite my history section on my thesis (due October)
- email out my thesis interview questions (new idea since i lack the time to meet people)
- clean out the closets to fit things into them better
- finish setting up my office
I am just so tired that every moment where there is quiet, I try to sleep. It is like having a baby plus ten other commitments.
The F in my grade s very demoralizing.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Feliway Day 2, the Ring, & a fuck-up
First... the ring... PRETTY!!!!! But it is a little too small. I need to get it resized. I promise a picture after it is.
Feliway...
Well, last night was the usual loud caterwauling till about 2am. I put Tsuki in the cat carrier for the night and after a couple more yowls he quieted and slept until 7am. All the cats were up and insisting on food, so i released Tsuki and fed them all. The caterwauling started up again through the early morning till we gave up hope of sleeping more. He barely quieted. We left the house for brunch out and to buy some needed things for gardening. When we came back, I took him out for a long walk after gardening. Then we played lots with the new laser pointer. He has been intermittently quieter. Day 2 shows a little improvement. Let's see how the night goes.
Apparently i totally fucked something up. Apparently I had not discontinued my Mahayana class officially last fall and got an F grade that no one addressed with me. My GPA plummeted from 3.75 to 2.45. OUCH!!! WFT!!! I thought i had cancelled that class. SHIT! Gotta go in next week and try to sort that out.
Feliway...
Well, last night was the usual loud caterwauling till about 2am. I put Tsuki in the cat carrier for the night and after a couple more yowls he quieted and slept until 7am. All the cats were up and insisting on food, so i released Tsuki and fed them all. The caterwauling started up again through the early morning till we gave up hope of sleeping more. He barely quieted. We left the house for brunch out and to buy some needed things for gardening. When we came back, I took him out for a long walk after gardening. Then we played lots with the new laser pointer. He has been intermittently quieter. Day 2 shows a little improvement. Let's see how the night goes.
Apparently i totally fucked something up. Apparently I had not discontinued my Mahayana class officially last fall and got an F grade that no one addressed with me. My GPA plummeted from 3.75 to 2.45. OUCH!!! WFT!!! I thought i had cancelled that class. SHIT! Gotta go in next week and try to sort that out.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Feliway Testing Day 1 & a Surprise
So today I was hysterical on the phone with two different vet clinics begging for a sedative or tranquilizer for Tsuki to have ONE night of sleep. All the vets want to have Tsuki do a blood test for liver and kidney levels ($120) before prescribing meds. I wanted to cry. My vet suggested Feliway (a feline pheromone spray) that is to be sprayed about the house and should help the cat feel more comfortable (less stressed) and thus hopefully less yowlie. The other vet suggested Bio-Calme (organic over-the-counter pet calmative) that is a liquid you put in the pet's mouth and should help calm the cat. Feliway is $35 and the hubby already picked it up. Bio-Calme is $27 and will be the next step should this Feliway not work.
So we have sprayed around the house as directed. Initial result... nothing. Maybe this takes time. There is no official pad odour for us. And hmmm... so far... Tsuki is sitting quiet on his blankie in my office. We will see how the night goes.
The surprise is a PRETTY iolite ring Mark bought for me. It is a size 6 though. I need a size 7. I will have it resized. I think this is particularly interesting that it arrived now, while I am working on my third eye chakra, whose stone is iolite (at least for me). SYNCHRONICITY!
So we have sprayed around the house as directed. Initial result... nothing. Maybe this takes time. There is no official pad odour for us. And hmmm... so far... Tsuki is sitting quiet on his blankie in my office. We will see how the night goes.
The surprise is a PRETTY iolite ring Mark bought for me. It is a size 6 though. I need a size 7. I will have it resized. I think this is particularly interesting that it arrived now, while I am working on my third eye chakra, whose stone is iolite (at least for me). SYNCHRONICITY!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Lather, Rince, Repeat
Bad night... yowling cat... tired bad day...
Dramas from things taken too far out of context...
Some unworthy flung insults...
I told off a pseudo customer at the store before he could ask me a thing.
Stupid dirty poor... behind in homework...
so... fucking... tired...
spoke to the vet, she advised feliway before resorting to sedating Tuski, getting some this weekend unless Hubby gets it tomorrow.
on the up? I have taken Tsuki out for walks on the least out the front on the walkway. He does really well. Better than he used to.
Ninja has started smacking the cats from the water bowl now too. I NEED to find him a new home. On the weekend, we make a poster for him. If anyone reading this would like a loving black cat, and has no other cats (cause he is a total shit with other cats), or you know someone who might like him... please let us know. I refuse to send him to the SPCA and really won't put a good cat down. He just needs a home with no felines for competition.
Dramas from things taken too far out of context...
Some unworthy flung insults...
I told off a pseudo customer at the store before he could ask me a thing.
Stupid dirty poor... behind in homework...
so... fucking... tired...
spoke to the vet, she advised feliway before resorting to sedating Tuski, getting some this weekend unless Hubby gets it tomorrow.
on the up? I have taken Tsuki out for walks on the least out the front on the walkway. He does really well. Better than he used to.
Ninja has started smacking the cats from the water bowl now too. I NEED to find him a new home. On the weekend, we make a poster for him. If anyone reading this would like a loving black cat, and has no other cats (cause he is a total shit with other cats), or you know someone who might like him... please let us know. I refuse to send him to the SPCA and really won't put a good cat down. He just needs a home with no felines for competition.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Cap to a bad day
A rotten night.
5:30am... i am still awake. I hate the world and especially all my cats.
I was woken by yowling Tsuki cat at 1am. He got locked in his carrier for the night. I was woken my Bagheera mewling with a toy in his mouth around 2am. A short scolding always quiets that. Not 30min later, Ninja beats of Bagheera repeatedly... thus I am woken repeatedly. After a short chase, I locked Ninja in my office alone from the other cats. 4am and Bagheera is mewling again. Another scolding quieted him, but I had to get up to do that. 5am and Tsuki yowled and yowled in his carrier. Scolding, squirting, nothing quieted him. Even letting him out didn't quiet him. I am still up.
I feel like a fucking fucked up mess.
I still have homework to do by noon, and interview with a student at 1pm and class at 4pm.
5:30am... i am still awake. I hate the world and especially all my cats.
I was woken by yowling Tsuki cat at 1am. He got locked in his carrier for the night. I was woken my Bagheera mewling with a toy in his mouth around 2am. A short scolding always quiets that. Not 30min later, Ninja beats of Bagheera repeatedly... thus I am woken repeatedly. After a short chase, I locked Ninja in my office alone from the other cats. 4am and Bagheera is mewling again. Another scolding quieted him, but I had to get up to do that. 5am and Tsuki yowled and yowled in his carrier. Scolding, squirting, nothing quieted him. Even letting him out didn't quiet him. I am still up.
I feel like a fucking fucked up mess.
I still have homework to do by noon, and interview with a student at 1pm and class at 4pm.
In case you haven't read my facebook post...
If you frequent facebook and value staying in contact with me, then please email me at scarletcougar@gmail.com because i think it will be easier to delete this account entirely and start fresh than to try to fix all I want fixed on it.
Deletion date: December 1st, 2010.
If you emailed me, I will make sure you are friended on the new account. If you haven't emailed me... I guess our relationship isn't that important to maintain via facebook.
If you frequent facebook and value staying in contact with me, then please email me at scarletcougar@gmail.com because i think it will be easier to delete this account entirely and start fresh than to try to fix all I want fixed on it.
Deletion date: December 1st, 2010.
If you emailed me, I will make sure you are friended on the new account. If you haven't emailed me... I guess our relationship isn't that important to maintain via facebook.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Haze
I feel like I have been in a haze all bloody day. The focus has been zero. The migraine has been off the charts. The meditation involved more sleep than anything. The house cleaning consisted only of putting away dishes and making enough food for lunches for the week. The homework... well... it hasn't happened yet.
My head is full of all the things I want to do and all the things I need to do and thus overwhelmed by them both.
One of my lessons from my weekend away was a discussion on admitting when you have too much (which I do), being willing to delegate (which I am), and asking for help ("HELP")... yet I have no idea how anyone can honestly help.
I need to shove some things OFF my plate. Here is what is on the plate:
- MPRC volunteering (I can take a hiatus from this but the different location offers me a different headspace to prepare for homework before class)
- CMS (I only teach once a week in the level 2. I love it and the students and wish I could devote more to them)
- Yule Fair (I have done my aspect of it. DONE! I really do not want to think of anything more with it till I have to face the chaos of managing people over that weekend)
- Gaia Gathering (divided into stressless chunks, so far it is manageable)
- work (if i could drop this and NOT starve to death, I would. I love my job, but it take lots of time and energy)
- housework (i never have time for it, the unpacking has yet to be done, the cleaning accumulates thus so does the stress. it is hard to think about other obligations that are on time limits with the chaos in the background nagging me)
- weekly grad class (barely managing to stay on top of it. I am behind by a week)
- thesis (abandoned and have to ask what to do about this. I am supposed to be finished by the end of December. My heart is no longer in it and just when I think I might be able to get into it, the other obligations remind me they are there)
- MA exam prep (reading reading reading takes so much fucking time)
- coven (A Sunday demand that I love and also wish I could devote more time to)
When do I do anything for me? I don't. Some evenings I watch movies with the hubby. On the bus I write fanfiction. These I do to try to just turn off my brain from the outside world and its demands on me. but those are squeezed in here and there between all of the above.
I cannot drop my school stuff. I cannot drop my CMS. I cannot drop my coven. I cannot drop work.
Where can I accept help? Housework (not that I will get that). Unpacking (ya... right... not likely to happen there either). CMS (if someone was willing to take over, sure I could pass that on, though I have a rapport with this group and don't want to disrupt it). Coven (I have a folks in with me who can step in... delegati0on possible!). MPRC not yet an interference (unless i am being asked things I am not responsible for and thus feel guilty about what I can't manage that is again not my responsibility). GG (not a problem at this time, though all have been warned that sometimes my schooling will take priority).
If i could wipe off the thesis, not worry about the unpacking/sorting, no longer be concerned about the housework.... then the classwork, the exam, CMS are all manageable. They'd be even more so if i didnt have to work too, but I need to pay bills and eat.
Well... this was a long-winded, venting, round-about way of writing that... I'm fucked.
Guess I will go feed the cats and try to read for the homework that is due tomorrow by noon.
My head is full of all the things I want to do and all the things I need to do and thus overwhelmed by them both.
One of my lessons from my weekend away was a discussion on admitting when you have too much (which I do), being willing to delegate (which I am), and asking for help ("HELP")... yet I have no idea how anyone can honestly help.
I need to shove some things OFF my plate. Here is what is on the plate:
- MPRC volunteering (I can take a hiatus from this but the different location offers me a different headspace to prepare for homework before class)
- CMS (I only teach once a week in the level 2. I love it and the students and wish I could devote more to them)
- Yule Fair (I have done my aspect of it. DONE! I really do not want to think of anything more with it till I have to face the chaos of managing people over that weekend)
- Gaia Gathering (divided into stressless chunks, so far it is manageable)
- work (if i could drop this and NOT starve to death, I would. I love my job, but it take lots of time and energy)
- housework (i never have time for it, the unpacking has yet to be done, the cleaning accumulates thus so does the stress. it is hard to think about other obligations that are on time limits with the chaos in the background nagging me)
- weekly grad class (barely managing to stay on top of it. I am behind by a week)
- thesis (abandoned and have to ask what to do about this. I am supposed to be finished by the end of December. My heart is no longer in it and just when I think I might be able to get into it, the other obligations remind me they are there)
- MA exam prep (reading reading reading takes so much fucking time)
- coven (A Sunday demand that I love and also wish I could devote more time to)
When do I do anything for me? I don't. Some evenings I watch movies with the hubby. On the bus I write fanfiction. These I do to try to just turn off my brain from the outside world and its demands on me. but those are squeezed in here and there between all of the above.
I cannot drop my school stuff. I cannot drop my CMS. I cannot drop my coven. I cannot drop work.
Where can I accept help? Housework (not that I will get that). Unpacking (ya... right... not likely to happen there either). CMS (if someone was willing to take over, sure I could pass that on, though I have a rapport with this group and don't want to disrupt it). Coven (I have a folks in with me who can step in... delegati0on possible!). MPRC not yet an interference (unless i am being asked things I am not responsible for and thus feel guilty about what I can't manage that is again not my responsibility). GG (not a problem at this time, though all have been warned that sometimes my schooling will take priority).
If i could wipe off the thesis, not worry about the unpacking/sorting, no longer be concerned about the housework.... then the classwork, the exam, CMS are all manageable. They'd be even more so if i didnt have to work too, but I need to pay bills and eat.
Well... this was a long-winded, venting, round-about way of writing that... I'm fucked.
Guess I will go feed the cats and try to read for the homework that is due tomorrow by noon.
It's Monday? Really?
I have slept on and off all day today.
My weekend away was amazing and full of deep thought. So much in my brain to process.
I came home fighting.... something... a cold? I am just sapped.
Mondays: meditation, house cleaning, homework
My weekend away was amazing and full of deep thought. So much in my brain to process.
I came home fighting.... something... a cold? I am just sapped.
Mondays: meditation, house cleaning, homework
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Rememberance Day
Read the post I wrote HERE...
Monday, November 08, 2010
Two Days to Me?!
I had no obligations Sunday nor today! OMGs! I got to just stay home! I caught up on sleep Sunday and just relaxed and recharged.
Today has been a relaxed personal day of meditation, laundry and homework. I tossed in the movie Titan AE for fun. I also started contact folks about the official good news about Tsuki so they can stop watching for him. I still need to print new fliers and deposit them in everyone's mailboxes.
Tsuki is doing great. He and Cloak have new collars. I have to buy a new one for Bagheera and Ninja. I am considering finding a home for Ninja. He insists on shoving the other cats from their food and is getting fat. He is still beating everyone up in the litterbox and is now picking on them around the home. I think alone in a home, he will slim out without extra bowls of food to dip his face in. Excluding his ill behaviour with other cats, he is a totally lovable and affectionate cat. Anyone know anyone who may want such a cat, who has no other cats?
Anyways, back to reading Taoist sexual practices for tomorrow's presentation in class.
Today has been a relaxed personal day of meditation, laundry and homework. I tossed in the movie Titan AE for fun. I also started contact folks about the official good news about Tsuki so they can stop watching for him. I still need to print new fliers and deposit them in everyone's mailboxes.
Tsuki is doing great. He and Cloak have new collars. I have to buy a new one for Bagheera and Ninja. I am considering finding a home for Ninja. He insists on shoving the other cats from their food and is getting fat. He is still beating everyone up in the litterbox and is now picking on them around the home. I think alone in a home, he will slim out without extra bowls of food to dip his face in. Excluding his ill behaviour with other cats, he is a totally lovable and affectionate cat. Anyone know anyone who may want such a cat, who has no other cats?
Anyways, back to reading Taoist sexual practices for tomorrow's presentation in class.
Friday, November 05, 2010
More Tsuki News
Tsuki has seen his vet this morning. There were some tiny scarred scratched well healed on his nose. His right knee has some calcification from an early injury I already knew about. otherwise, he is perfectly fine! he has a clean bill of health. $250 later and blood tests and stool tests show up negative for anything that might have been an issue. He has his shots, too.
The vets and all the staff came to see him because he is so exotic. They were all very impressed at how well behaved he was and how healthy he is after 9 weeks in the wild out doors! They were even shocked that he obeyed commands. Silly people... lots of love and dedication can train a cat to commands too.
He was so good and didn't even bite anyone when he had his claws clipped. He hates that and bites every time. But they collared him and handled him well.
Another vet said there must surely have been some kind of angel miracle or magic at work for him to come home in this good a shape. He lost 4lbs (from 17 down to 13) but most 0f that was lazy fatness. He lost only some muscle mass. he was remarkably in good shape despite everything. I didn't bother to tell them how much amazing magic was involved from all of you out there helping me. Thank you all!!!
Tsuki is not exploring the house which is totally new to him since he never got to see it when we moved. His yowling has stopped as he now can roam and visit the other cats.
Magical success story!
The vets and all the staff came to see him because he is so exotic. They were all very impressed at how well behaved he was and how healthy he is after 9 weeks in the wild out doors! They were even shocked that he obeyed commands. Silly people... lots of love and dedication can train a cat to commands too.
He was so good and didn't even bite anyone when he had his claws clipped. He hates that and bites every time. But they collared him and handled him well.
Another vet said there must surely have been some kind of angel miracle or magic at work for him to come home in this good a shape. He lost 4lbs (from 17 down to 13) but most 0f that was lazy fatness. He lost only some muscle mass. he was remarkably in good shape despite everything. I didn't bother to tell them how much amazing magic was involved from all of you out there helping me. Thank you all!!!
Tsuki is not exploring the house which is totally new to him since he never got to see it when we moved. His yowling has stopped as he now can roam and visit the other cats.
Magical success story!
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Tsuki is home !!!
Tsuki has been coaxed into a family's home! I picked him up today! He is healthy, though hungry. He is squawking alot, but purrs and cuddles with me. He lets me hold him and everything. He is upset he is locked in my office not able to get hear his best friends (the other three cats), but i want a vet to check him out before i really expose him to the rest of the cats.
I am SOOO happy and grateful to all the advice and efforts. I am now going to prepare a reward for the family who helped me catch him. I am also going to make a new set of fliers to deliver to everyone in the neighborhood so they all know the good news. This was truly a community effort. People have helped feed him and track his route in the area. One family kept his cat carrier on their balcony where he would sleep in the day, but run if people came for him. Another family went above and beyond. I am so happy.
I am SOOO happy and grateful to all the advice and efforts. I am now going to prepare a reward for the family who helped me catch him. I am also going to make a new set of fliers to deliver to everyone in the neighborhood so they all know the good news. This was truly a community effort. People have helped feed him and track his route in the area. One family kept his cat carrier on their balcony where he would sleep in the day, but run if people came for him. Another family went above and beyond. I am so happy.
He is still cuddly and loves me!
He looks up at his name and lets me photo him!
He is so hungry and meows as he eats making weird murmling noises with his mouth full.
I combed him and found no wounds, no fleas, no lice, no nothing, but slightly greasy and dusty.
He is exploring my office and yowling to visit with the cats that he can see through the French doors, who are yowling back at him. They remember each other, there is no growling. I am sooo excited I don't know what to say or do!
He is exploring my office and yowling to visit with the cats that he can see through the French doors, who are yowling back at him. They remember each other, there is no growling. I am sooo excited I don't know what to say or do!
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Revelation!
You know that hum? That incessant vibration? The one I complained about in my office?
Well it had stopped and was totally still and quiet today. It was BLISS! This is the first time since we lived here that it has been quiet. All through the working of replacing the hot water tanks, it has been still and quiet.
Now that hot water tanks are back on and the water is turned back on. The hum is back and I got slammed with the instant migraine that comes with the constant hum and vibration.
We have thus narrowed the field of the cause down. The landlord will return Friday to look into it.
Well it had stopped and was totally still and quiet today. It was BLISS! This is the first time since we lived here that it has been quiet. All through the working of replacing the hot water tanks, it has been still and quiet.
Now that hot water tanks are back on and the water is turned back on. The hum is back and I got slammed with the instant migraine that comes with the constant hum and vibration.
We have thus narrowed the field of the cause down. The landlord will return Friday to look into it.
Conspiracy
Yesterday the world secretly conspired with me.
The day proceeded smoothly. I finished one (though not both) books for my exam interview with my teacher. she was understanding. The second book is due in 2 weeks. The meeting was great.
This was followed by a meeting with a teacher and TA who wish me to do a presentation about Wicca in their last class. We had a great meeting with fantastic ideas. It will be a good class. I look forward to it!
Today the world seems to have conspired against me.
I am tired and dragging my eyes through articles with little retention. My report on the articles is thus late. The landlord showed up by surprise (again, though thankfully not at the crack of dawn) with his father to replace the hot water tanks. I have no water, hot or cold, at the moment and have to stick around with the taps open to release air and watch for mishaps. They are working in my garage. They already had a water leak, though my books seem to have just barely survived it. So, I am slowly reading through my homework and hope to get my report in before class is over. I am unfortunately obliged to miss class, now for the second time in a row. I hope this does not adversely effect my grade. I have had no water since 11:00am. At least there is some in the fridge!
Crossing my fingers that I get through the texts and write my report before 6pm... and work out a rough plan for the call for papers for Gaia Gathering before 7pm. I have a meeting after that.
Back to the homework grind. I just felt the need to vent and gripe. Thanks for listening.
The day proceeded smoothly. I finished one (though not both) books for my exam interview with my teacher. she was understanding. The second book is due in 2 weeks. The meeting was great.
This was followed by a meeting with a teacher and TA who wish me to do a presentation about Wicca in their last class. We had a great meeting with fantastic ideas. It will be a good class. I look forward to it!
Today the world seems to have conspired against me.
I am tired and dragging my eyes through articles with little retention. My report on the articles is thus late. The landlord showed up by surprise (again, though thankfully not at the crack of dawn) with his father to replace the hot water tanks. I have no water, hot or cold, at the moment and have to stick around with the taps open to release air and watch for mishaps. They are working in my garage. They already had a water leak, though my books seem to have just barely survived it. So, I am slowly reading through my homework and hope to get my report in before class is over. I am unfortunately obliged to miss class, now for the second time in a row. I hope this does not adversely effect my grade. I have had no water since 11:00am. At least there is some in the fridge!
Crossing my fingers that I get through the texts and write my report before 6pm... and work out a rough plan for the call for papers for Gaia Gathering before 7pm. I have a meeting after that.
Back to the homework grind. I just felt the need to vent and gripe. Thanks for listening.
