Monday, May 16, 2011
Recovering
So this last weekend has been hell in several ways. Bad cramping reminds me why i hate being female sometimes. It got so bad this time I ended up in an ambulance to Montreal General. lovely waste of my life's limited available time.
Home and fine. Very very exhausted though. I am on very VERY slow, trying to get caufght up to everything that I dropped over the weekend.
I managed to see some of the Invisible Saturday night. And for the record, Ash was just fine! Not sure what he was worried about. He sounded great!!
The rest of the weekend has been mostly downtime.
Today, I am trying to get back on track. I stayed home from work and caught up on the Gaia Gathering emails. Still have to send one out to all the presenters in the Academic Stream.
I have to prepare my art for the Art Show. I have to plan what I am speaking about on the panels I happen to be speaking on. I have a booklet to put together for the Academics. And I have to prepare the store to vend there. Much of this will get done over the next couple days.
Today, I stayed home, relaxed and read and read and read. I have all the narrowed texts and passages for the last section of my paper on Ordination Rites. My teacher gave me a tentative B+ for now, so a finished paper cannot make the grade any worse. Might make it better. I still have a bunch of pages to write though. I took a brain break with a friend and have gotten ready for a Gaia Gathering meeting that I am about to head off to.
Tomorrow, I will stay home and write. I need that paper finished.
Then comes all that planning that I just mentioned. It will be a very busy Wednesday and Thursday. I wish I had more energy. That crash and trip to the hospital wiped me clean out. Why must recoveries be so damnably slow?
Home and fine. Very very exhausted though. I am on very VERY slow, trying to get caufght up to everything that I dropped over the weekend.
I managed to see some of the Invisible Saturday night. And for the record, Ash was just fine! Not sure what he was worried about. He sounded great!!
The rest of the weekend has been mostly downtime.
Today, I am trying to get back on track. I stayed home from work and caught up on the Gaia Gathering emails. Still have to send one out to all the presenters in the Academic Stream.
I have to prepare my art for the Art Show. I have to plan what I am speaking about on the panels I happen to be speaking on. I have a booklet to put together for the Academics. And I have to prepare the store to vend there. Much of this will get done over the next couple days.
Today, I stayed home, relaxed and read and read and read. I have all the narrowed texts and passages for the last section of my paper on Ordination Rites. My teacher gave me a tentative B+ for now, so a finished paper cannot make the grade any worse. Might make it better. I still have a bunch of pages to write though. I took a brain break with a friend and have gotten ready for a Gaia Gathering meeting that I am about to head off to.
Tomorrow, I will stay home and write. I need that paper finished.
Then comes all that planning that I just mentioned. It will be a very busy Wednesday and Thursday. I wish I had more energy. That crash and trip to the hospital wiped me clean out. Why must recoveries be so damnably slow?
Sunday, May 08, 2011
New news...
Just got words from the school. The F is removed and I have an extension for the thesis till August 31st. I have till April 30th, 2012 to finish the program.
I have time to think about how I want to handle this or if I want to turn it down.
This week... work work work, teach and finish a paper.
I have time to think about how I want to handle this or if I want to turn it down.
This week... work work work, teach and finish a paper.
News is in
So, the night came and I was not done the paper. I was about half done. I sent it to him as is and hoped for the best, accepting the worst. He emailed back that it was really good so far. He was going to grade me on that. He still wants the rest of the paper. Then he will make a grade correction. Huzzah! Now I have till the 18th to finish it. I should be able to get most of it done tomorrow.
I poked into my online thingy for school to check my grades so far. Last term's class with the sex & Taoism paper got a B-. Not great, but not bad either.
Then I saw the F. I have an F. It is for the thesis I can never seem to get to. So that's it. I'm done. I will finish this Taoism paper and get my grade correction, then I throw in the towel. I am sorry to give up this close to the end, but I cannot continue being this divided anymore.
Part of me feels totally like a failure, like a quitter. Part of me feels incredibly relieved.
I think, once the drugs kick in and the wrist stops hurting (dunno why it hurts to begin with), I will try to get some sleep.
Then in the morning or sometime during the day, I think i will do some much needed gardening.
I poked into my online thingy for school to check my grades so far. Last term's class with the sex & Taoism paper got a B-. Not great, but not bad either.
Then I saw the F. I have an F. It is for the thesis I can never seem to get to. So that's it. I'm done. I will finish this Taoism paper and get my grade correction, then I throw in the towel. I am sorry to give up this close to the end, but I cannot continue being this divided anymore.
Part of me feels totally like a failure, like a quitter. Part of me feels incredibly relieved.
I think, once the drugs kick in and the wrist stops hurting (dunno why it hurts to begin with), I will try to get some sleep.
Then in the morning or sometime during the day, I think i will do some much needed gardening.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Invisible
standing, walking, working,
always in the light
surrounded by a crowd
seen but not seen
more alone with others
more alone with loved ones
than when I am alone
seen but not seen
heard but not heard
heart screaming
on a mute TV
seen but not seen
invisible
How long must I remain invisible?
When will I be seen?
When will I be heard?
always in the light
surrounded by a crowd
seen but not seen
more alone with others
more alone with loved ones
than when I am alone
seen but not seen
heard but not heard
heart screaming
on a mute TV
seen but not seen
invisible
How long must I remain invisible?
When will I be seen?
When will I be heard?
Rough Ride
This week has been hard on me. Drama after drama after drama. I am encountering a great deal more challenges. Children in elementary school are just as much trouble. They don't seem to have any respect these days. Ever try getting on a bus full of kids from early highschool? Adults are not much better sometimes.
I feel like I am a failure some days. This week emphasized that feeling. I have the reminder to get a paper in no later than Saturday night or I fail. 24hrs or an F. I am trying my best, but is it enough? Am I wasting my time for the respect I am supposed to have for what I do? Sometimes I want to give up, wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Too far along in anything to do that now. I must work with what I've got. 24hrs.
Can this rough riding week be forgotten for just a day or two?
I feel like I am a failure some days. This week emphasized that feeling. I have the reminder to get a paper in no later than Saturday night or I fail. 24hrs or an F. I am trying my best, but is it enough? Am I wasting my time for the respect I am supposed to have for what I do? Sometimes I want to give up, wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Too far along in anything to do that now. I must work with what I've got. 24hrs.
Can this rough riding week be forgotten for just a day or two?
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Progress? YES!
So the store is still alive! And so am I and so is the hubby! We survived the first month. Made a tiny adjustment to May's schedule and starting to look at training and retraining. I am preparing for the summer vacation time where we lack staff to cover shifts. Preparing to hire on a new member if she works out for training.
School is going slow. I had finished one overdue paper. I have two more to do. One i am aiming to have done by May 7th (Taoist Ordination Rites). I have most of an introduction written and a fairly firm outline. Awaiting my teacher's final approval before I dive in. I booked time off work next week to be able to work on the paper. After that I have the thesis. But with the overdue papers out of the way, focusing on the thesis will be easier.
Gaia Gathering is progressing. My section of the Academic Stream might actually be done! Just need to work on some logistics for AV equipment. My next step is to work with Multifaith Chaplaincy and remind them that they had agreed to do something on the Friday with us. That is on my Monday plan after work and before the core team meeting.
Progress on bills: most paid up to date, some still need work (school and Hydro), but they are coming and I hope to have them cleared by June.
Had a day out in the sun with the hubby yesterday. It was lovely! We ran some errands. We visited a friend's new game shop. We browsed St-Catherine Street. We spent some time at Hurley's for Hobbes' birthday.
The game shop: Chimera Games: 6252 Somerled, NDG. bus 103 from Villa Maria to corner of Grand and Somerled. Perfect place for roleplaying books, table-top games and figs, card games and a ton of fun! Support them please, they are new in town, just opened April 1st!
http://www.facebook.com/ChimeraGames?v=info
http://www.chimeragames.ca/
Today, I slept in and wrote stuff and enjoyed a quiet day. Laundry is done and ham is cooking for Beltane dinner. Found my steampunk stuff and discovered it to be... inadequate for what I have in my head. My steampunk skirt is on its way from Thailand and I have a hat that needs steampunking. So I am on my way to having a good costume for the steampunk banquet at Gaia Gathering.
Tonight's plan?
Tuesday is all gardening and paper writing. Wednesday is the same followed by cultural sacred space creation and art. Thursday is work and meetings. Friday is paper writing till it is DONE!
School is going slow. I had finished one overdue paper. I have two more to do. One i am aiming to have done by May 7th (Taoist Ordination Rites). I have most of an introduction written and a fairly firm outline. Awaiting my teacher's final approval before I dive in. I booked time off work next week to be able to work on the paper. After that I have the thesis. But with the overdue papers out of the way, focusing on the thesis will be easier.
Gaia Gathering is progressing. My section of the Academic Stream might actually be done! Just need to work on some logistics for AV equipment. My next step is to work with Multifaith Chaplaincy and remind them that they had agreed to do something on the Friday with us. That is on my Monday plan after work and before the core team meeting.
Progress on bills: most paid up to date, some still need work (school and Hydro), but they are coming and I hope to have them cleared by June.
Had a day out in the sun with the hubby yesterday. It was lovely! We ran some errands. We visited a friend's new game shop. We browsed St-Catherine Street. We spent some time at Hurley's for Hobbes' birthday.
The game shop: Chimera Games: 6252 Somerled, NDG. bus 103 from Villa Maria to corner of Grand and Somerled. Perfect place for roleplaying books, table-top games and figs, card games and a ton of fun! Support them please, they are new in town, just opened April 1st!
http://www.facebook.com/ChimeraGames?v=info
http://www.chimeragames.ca/
Today, I slept in and wrote stuff and enjoyed a quiet day. Laundry is done and ham is cooking for Beltane dinner. Found my steampunk stuff and discovered it to be... inadequate for what I have in my head. My steampunk skirt is on its way from Thailand and I have a hat that needs steampunking. So I am on my way to having a good costume for the steampunk banquet at Gaia Gathering.
Tonight's plan?
- walk Tsuki outside in the sun
- have dinner and watch movie with the hubby
- work on training manual for the store
- finish introduction for Taoist Ordination paper
- get caught up with the weekend
- redo advertising page for Gaia Gathering & ad for McGill
- fix bathroom light (and maybe the faucet)
- prepare stuff for Val & hubby for the week
- keep kicking out the stupid newsletter
- meet with new potential employee
- meet someone else (whom I have forgotten... gak)
- have private meeting with owners and manager
- prepare staff files
- plan May
- arrange to acquire needed work programs
- meet with Multifaith Chaplaincy
- dinner at Mel's
- Gaia Gathering Meeting
Tuesday is all gardening and paper writing. Wednesday is the same followed by cultural sacred space creation and art. Thursday is work and meetings. Friday is paper writing till it is DONE!
